PokerStars is the Toughest Site by FAR!

I may not play at nose bleed limits. I may not make it to the WSOP in Vegas, and I may not show up on television on the World Poker Tour. I may not win the WCOOP’s, the FTOPS or the UB Challenges. Heck, I rarely qualify for the qualifiers for those events.

But I have played a lot of low limit poker on many, many internet poker sites. I have played on probably twenty sites that don’t even exist anymore. I have played on a few dozen more that are still around, but don’t accept US players anymore. I currently rotate thru eleven poker sites that still accept US players.

I play limit, pot limit and no-limit ring game action. I play sit-n-go tournaments and I play multi-table tournaments. I play Holdem, Omaha, Omaha Hi/Lo, Seven Card Stud Hi/Lo, HORSE and even Badugi. I have done this on nearly every site I have played on.

After many months - in hours - of ring action, and playing in thousands of tournaments - from nine player tournaments to 14,000 player events, I think I am uniquely qualified to offer the following opinion:

PokerStars has the toughest players on the internet.

I may stink as a poker player, but I supplement that by being one of the best bankroll managers around.

As such, I find PokerStars the absolutely toughest site to squeeze out a profit on.

If you are only playing on PokerStars, and are getting pounded – you may want to give another site a try.

I love PokerStars. It is the best site. But, unfortunately, I have found it to be the toughest site to win at. The fact that I am a donkey, not withstanding.

Odds2win777 Wins His 2nd NPP Tourney

The 4th quarter race has locked up! Odds2win777 moves into the mix with his win tonight. Three players are withing a point! And a dozen players are a win away from being back in the race!

We had a couple of surprising no-shows tonight; Merhibka and Rjmech. They were near the top of the standings, and not playing tonight allowed some players to gain some ground or distance themselves a little. I hope they are back next week.

Just a note that next week, your host may not be able to moderate or commentate. I have a scheduled hospital stay that I hope will be over in time to be back for the next tourney report. But even if I am, my reporting may be down to just the results.

Just don’t be looking for the Pulitzer Prize, edge of seat tournament report you have come to expect every Wednesday morning. You will be disappointed with in the morning (twss).

Cautious playing tonight as the race tightens. On to the NPP action:

25 min: xxxKdogxxx (19th)
30 min: Last week’s winner Meatsword (18th) sees his (Qh Tc) open ended straight draw and flush draw [9h 6h Jh], but Douge2’s pair (66) hangs on.

42 min: A short-stacked (SS) Yecats423 (17th) goes with (Ks 9s). But she is double-teamed by Tomservo2 (AT) and the winner, Tigercub8189 (AQ).

43 min: Wingsfancurt (16th) sees his (TT) lose to T3chlady’s (KK).
50 min: LittleRedElf’s (15th) (Ah Jh) cannot catch Nahanni74’s (88).
59 min: Eyekall (14th) sees his (A5) lose to the flush draw of Absea98.
60 min: Pre01 (13th)

1st break:
Theedouble*d 4135
Douge2 3815
Absea98 3590
Tomservo2 3245
Odds2win777 2510
Tigercub8189 2135
Funtoon 2115
Suetman1 2090
ThePunk75 1935
Nahanni74 1210
Derf-63 1030
T3chlady 690

64 min: SS T3chlady (12th) sees her (A5) lose to Theedouble*d’s (Kd Jd) on a flop of [AJK].

71 min: Derf-63 (11th)
74 min: Nahanni74 (10th)
82 min: A SS Tigercub8189 (9th) loses (A9) to Tomservo2’s (AJ).
90 min: A short-stack (SS) Absea98 (8th) (Th 7h) lose to ThePunk75’s (KT).

Funtoon has only 100 chips at this point. Watch where he finishes!

95 min: A SS Suetman1 (7th) sees her (Ac Jc) lose as she gets double-teamed by Theedouble*d (TT) and Funtoon (KQ) who wins with a [Q] on the flop.

99 min: Douge2 (6th) (A6) sees the flop with Tomservo2 and Odds2win777 [Ad 4s Qh]. Douge2 (Ac 6h) min-bets and only Odds2win777 (2s 3s). The turn is the {5c]. Douge2 moves in – and into a buzz saw.

103 min: SS Funtoon (5th) (AA) finally gets a great hand, and they are his death cards. Odds2win777 correctly calls with (Ad 4d) and hits his flush. But what a comeback by Funtoon.

118 min: Tomservo2 (4th) sees his (Ah 4h) lose to Theedouble*d’s (Kd 5d) as a [5] hits on the flop and it holds.

2nd break:
Theedouble*d 13565
Odds2win777 8010
ThePunk75 6925

126 min: ThePunk75’s (3rd) (As 5s) cannot catch Odds2win777’s (AJ).

Heads up: Odds2win777 16235 - LittleRedElf 12265

129 min: Theedouble*d (2nd) and Odds2win777 see a flop of [2c 4d 6s]. Odds min-bets and DD calls. The turn is a [Qs]. Odds min-bets again and DD calls. The river is a [9s]. Odds2win777 now checks and Theedouble*d moves in (Q7) as he hit his top pair on the river. But the river drowns him as Odds has (Qc 4c) for two pair.

Congratulations to Odds2win777 on his 2nd NPP win!

1st – Odds2win777 – 24 points
2nd – Theedouble*d – 19 points
3rd – ThePunk75 – 15 pts
4th – Tomservo2 – 12 pts
5th – Funtoon – 9 pts
6th – Douge2 – 7 pts
7th – Suetman1– 5 pts
8th – Absea98 – 4 pts
9th – Tigercub8189 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point. Standings on the right side of the blog!

NPP’er Cashing On-line Also

T3chlady did well in a $35,000 Full Tilt tournament:

T3chlady says, “I used a Step 3 ticket to enter this event, winning 35 times the entry.
Last hand my KJ lost to J8 when the opponent hit an 8.”

Pre01 files this report from some PokerStars action: “I had a little success recently. At a two table, 18 person SnG, I came in 1st. Won x6 my buy in!

Simultaneously playing a 9 table, 90 person SnG, I came in 10th – just missing the final table – but doubled my buy in. Also came in 70th on a free roll with 1006 starting players. Won a little.”

Faldo, still trying to recover emotionally from the bubble at PPL, I entered a one-table SNG On BoDog Poker and quickly saw my KK lose to a flush draw that hit.

This leaves me with only 200 chips and a full table of opponents, all with 1300 chips or more. The blinds were still at 10 / 20, fortunately. In Beerhog fashion, I battled back and won it!

That helped my confidence a ton.

Maybe I go back to PPL for the Thursday Night Tourney at 7pm.

Beerhog Wins at Premier Poker Lounge

Three NPP’ers ventured over to the PPL for the Saturday Night Tourney. Beerhog, Pre01 and Faldo unfortunately were seated at the same table of the two (16 players) needed. This would tend to hurt our chances to make the final table, but we all had a shot to make it.

Faldo (10th) bubbled the final table (what else is new) on a bad beat with my two pair losing to a deuce on the river giving the villain trips.

Pre01 (6th) also goes out in a rotten way as his (AQ) loses to (A6) with a [6] on the turn.

Beerhog was the short stack with four players left (paying two places), but made a roaring comeback to win it outright!

Way to go Beerhog! Tell us a few of those catch up hands if you would.

Zombies are Scarier in November than in October

Zombies Have No Will of Their Own and Blindly Follow Orders.

Odds Are Faldo Will Not Be at Premier Poker Lounge Thursday

The best laid plans. Work got in the way, and I cannot make Thursday night now. But I am still planning on a visit to Premier Poker Lounge on Saturday. Not an NPP event, but a visit none the less. November 6 is a possibility. Anyone else in for the 6th?

Speaking of odds, I thought I would lay these on you. These are the odds of hitting your draw AFTER the flop. Simply double those odds for just the river. The odds are estimates, but close enough for poker.

Pocket pair that needs to hit trips to win (outs = 2) – 10 to 1
A pair that needs to hit its kicker for two pair (outs = 3) – 6.5 to 1
Inside straight draw (outs = 4) – 4.5 to 1
Smaller pair on the board with a live kicker (outs = 5) – 4 to 1
Two live over cards to hit (outs = 6) – 3 to 1
Open ended straight draw (outs = 8) – 2.2 to 1
Flush draw (outs = 9) – 1.5 to 1
Flush draw with one live over card (outs = 12) – 1.2 to 1
Straight and flush draw (outs = 15) – even money
Straight and flush draw with two overs (outs = 15) – Favorite 1.7 to 1

Again, this is not dead accurate, but it is a very helpful guide.

LittleRedElf Wins His 10th NPP Tourney

He’s baaaaaaaack! The man has done it again. Having already qualified for the NPP Final, his win only tightens up the race for the last seat.

Tonight was a bad beat night. You won’t see them all in this write up as I missed some and some happened without a knockout.

Just a note to say that I am planning to hit the Premier Poker Lounge for the Thursday and Saturday tourney. I can’t promise as how I am feeling will have something to do with it. But I hope to play some live action this week.

On to the NPP action:

11 min: Derf-63 (20th)
15 min: Douge2 (19th) sees his (KQ) hit a flop with a [Q], but Pre01 has (AQ).
24 min: Nahanni74 (18th) has her (Ts9s) hit a nine on the river, but Meatsword is holding (QQ).

36 min: ThePunk75 (17th) sees his (TT) lose to Absea98’s (AsQh) as four hearts hit the board.

44 min: xxxKdogxxx (16th) sees his (AK) run into Eyekall’s (AA).
50 min: Funtoon (15th).
51 min: Rjmech (14th) sees his (JJ) lose the coin flip to Meatsword’s (AK) as a [K] hits the river.

55 min: Merhibka (13th)
57 min: T3chlady (12th) sees her (AK) run into Tomservo2’s (AA).
60 min: Eyekall runs into the Break Monster in a big way. The Monster even chased him past the break as you will see. First, his (A8) loses to Wingsfancurt’s (TT), leaving him crippled at the break.

1st break:
Tomservo2 4990
LittleRedElf 4750
Meatsword 4605
Pre01 3550
Wingsfancurt 2320
Absea98 2315
Suetman1 2045
K9isadog 2010
Tigercub8189 1850
Theedouble*d 1520
Eyekall 45

61 min: PokerStars is a cruel site. Eyekall (11th) gets dealt (AK) as the shortest stack and small blind. Things had to be looking up as he was covered by the big blind, Theedouble*d and his (25). But DD pairs.

64 min: K9isadog (10th)
77 min: Pre01 (9th) loses his coin flip with (88) to Theedouble*d’s (QJ) with a [J] on the flop.

90 min: A short-stack (SS) Absea98 (8th) (JT) lose to Meatsword’s (AJ).
94 min: A SS Suetman1 (7th) sees her (JT) lose to Wingsfancurt’s (6d 5d) with a flop of [66Q].

100 min: A SS Tigercub8189 (6th) (QT) can’t catch Theedouble*d’s (AJ).
107 min: Tomservo2’s (5th) (QQ) gets run down by LittleRedElf’s (66) with a [6] on the river! Ouch!

112 min: Theedouble*d (4th) has (J9) and hits a flop [8s Td Jc]. Looking good with the pair and a straight draw. Meatsword calls with (Ac 7c), with a gut-shot straight and an over-card. Meatsword gets the double-bubble hit as an [A] hits the turn and a [9] hits the river!

116 min: Wingsfancurt (3rd) (AQ) cannot catch Meatsword’s (AK).

Heads up: Meatsword 19000 - LittleRedElf 11000

2nd break:
LittleRedElf 24690
Meatsword 5310

121 min: Meatsword (2nd) goes with (KT), but LittleRedElf calls with (Q6) and hits a flop of [QQ9].

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 10th NPP win! And congratulations to Meatsword for taking over the 4th quarter league lead.

1st – LittleRedElf – 24 points
2nd – Meatsword – 19 points
3rd – Wingsfancurt – 15 pts
4th – Theedouble*d – 12 pts
5th – Tomservo2 – 9 pts
6th – Tigercub8189 – 7 pts
7th – Suetman1 – 5 pts
8th – Absea98 – 4 pts
9th – Pre01 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point. Standings on the right side of the blog!

Theedouble*d Wins a Satellite for a $700 Entry Tourney on PokerStars!

Theedouble*d’s comments are in “ …” – Faldo’s ….not.

DD: “I have been doing well in these. Everyone is so loose that if you sit and wait you can build quite a stack. A key hand in this one was approaching final table and in danger of blinding too low, my 88 beat AA when I flopped the 8.”

As we all know, you have to be good – and lucky – to win tourneys.

Flushed with success, DD got in the same type tourney and just missed the big prize again, but did pick up 30 times his entry! Wow!

So, DD tries it again – only this time at a 10 times the buy-in (since he had the cash from the last tourney) and bubbles with a 7th place finish. Six got that $700 seat again! Dang!

But DD did pick up another 10 times his entry! Yes, that is ten times the ten time entry of tourney #2. Nicely done DD!!

Here is what he had to say about this near miss – but nice cash:

DD: “Ooohh…so close!!! The last hand guy hits his 8 on river to make set and take me out.”

Hmmm...didn’t your trip eights win you the $700 entry in the first tourney? PokerStars never forgets good fortune it gives you.

“Faldo, you were right though about these qualifiers being lucrative. Thanks for the tip.” – Theedouble*d

You are very welcome! That is what I am here to do – give every NPP’er the best chance at winning at poker.

I hope everyone caught the artful way DD took some of the profit from tourney #2 and took the shot at the even bigger payday. Bankroll management – or poor bankroll management is the biggest factor that turns many a good player into a broke player. DD shows us the correct play.

The other option is to never lose. Update on Faldo play:

I had a nice streak myself, cashing in 11 straight one-table sit-n-go tournaments. In this streak I had 4 firsts, 3 seconds and 4 thirds!

If only I could do this every time, I could throw out my own bankroll management foundation. But I can’t – so I won’t.

The Community Card Review – XIII

Deep in the bowels of the Democrat National Committee they are hard at work. With the election just around the corner, they have to spin the disaster of Democrat total control of the US government in the last two years into something positive.

They have to sell the last two years as “progress” - instead of the actual incompetence, fraud and deceit that it was.

Hiding the truth will be tough, even with every media outlet assisting the Democrats every step of the way.

There were the secret backroom deals to pass healthcare that turned hidden corruption into a full fledged open auction. The Obamacare bill had hidden tax increases, immediate healthcare rationing, death panel clauses and massive cost overruns. Just as Americans instinctively knew were there, but were lied to by the Democrats and the media.

Barrack Hussein Imam Obama passed it anyway –against the will of the American people.

The Democrats have to hope voters ignore foreign policy and national security disasters. Like the idiot decisions to move terrorists to Illinois. The delay in sending more troops to Afghanistan, the lack of dealing with Pakistan, the emboldening of the Iranian and North Korean regimes, and the sanctioning of building a mosque at Ground Zero. And don’t forget our wide open borders.

And then there is the economy. Record unemployment, wasted billions of dollars in Democrat slush funds call stimulus, increased government spending on an already broke nation, increased taxes to businesses, continued record foreclosures in spite of billions more tax dollars wasted and plummeting consumer confidence.

Our nation had two years of rule by the Democrat Party. There is no hope and the only change was guiding this nation into a communist 3rd world country at a record pace.

At least Michelle got a 30 day, $45,000 a day vacation in Spain out of the deal. And Barrack got eleven vacations total. Liberals can always spend other people’s money easily.

If you ever vote Democrat again, you are stuck on stupid, mentally ill, or a traitor to the United States. Pick one.

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LII

Faldo’s Golf Shoes Must Get Ignored

A lady went into the saloon and saw a cowboy’s feet propped up on the table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, 'Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?'

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, 'Well, thank ya, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.'

'Don't be flattered... Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.


Mom’s Know .... So Lying Don't Works

Sam invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Sam's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Sam's roommate, Jennifer, was. Sam's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Sam and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Sam and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Sam volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Sam saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Sam said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Sam

Several days later, Sam received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Actual video of Fred (Beerhog) asking Dave (Fourputt) to golf with Faldo (Nik)

Derf-63 Wins and Gets Back in the Hunt!

I want to apologize from the outset. My reporting tonight was poor as I had just too many interruptions and things to do in my hotel room. There were just too many emails, instant messages and texts and phone calls from work.

Derf’s win really tightened up the race for the 4th quarter seat. Most players are a 1st or 2nd place finish away from the league lead…if everything falls right. That is why this league is so much fun! It is close all the way.

On to the action:

8 min: Douge2 (21st)
15 min: Mistermusic5 (20th)
17 min: ThePunk75 (19th)
22 min: Tomservo2 (18th)
31 min: Wingsfancurt (17th) goes with (AK) but cannot catch Derf-63’s (JJ).
32 min: Merhibka (16th)
45 min: Rjmech (15th)
47 min: Meatsword (14th)

1st break:
LittleRedElf 4780
Derf-63 4535
Yecats423 3830
Nahanni74 3232
Absea98 2730
T3chlady 2643
Tigercub8189 2450
xxxKdogxxx 1825
Eyekall 1610
Suetman1 1500
Pre01 1380
K9isadog 780
Theedouble*d 205

61 min: A short-stacked (SS) Theedouble*d (13th) has to try with (A3), but runs into Nahanni74’s (KK).

64 min: K9isadog (12th)
70 min: A SS LittleRedElf (11th) goes with (K2) and a flop of [K46], but Suetman1 was holding (44).

71 min: Absea98 (10th)
83 min: xxxKdogxxx (9th) with (QQ) is called by Suetman1 with (55). A [5] hits the flop.
99 min: At the 93 minute mark, T3chlady (8th) sees her (AA) run into Yecats423’s quad 3’s. Although she is extremely short-stacked, T3 battles on for six more minutes before her (Kh Th) can’t catch Nahanni74’s (JJ).

But this final table finish moves T3chlady back into the league lead.

109 min: A SS Eyekall (7th) goes with (J6)…and is called by Suetman1 with (J8)!
113 min: A SS Yecats423 (6th) goes with (J9) but cannot catch Pre01’s (AT).
116 min: A SS Pre01 (5th) has to go with (4s 2s) with a flop of [5c 2c 5h]. A SS Tigercub8189 (4th) also goes with (Kc Qc). They run into Suetman1 holding (A5), and she makes quads on the river for a double kill.

2nd break:
Suetman1 13034
Derf-63 10726
Nahanni74 7740

128 min: Nahanni74 (3rd) goes with (A8) and a flop of [26A], but Derf-63 is holding (66).
131 min: Suetman1 (2nd) goes with (99) and Derf calls with (Kd Qd) and hits a [K] on the flop ends it.

Congratulations to Derf-63!

1st – Derf-63 - 24 points
2nd – Suetman1 - 19 pts
3rd – Nahanni74 - 15 pts
4th – Tigercub8189 - 12 pts
5th – Pre01 - 9 pts
6th - Yecats423 - 7 pts
7th - Eyekall - 5 pts
8th - T3chlady - 4 pts
9th - xxxKdogxxx - 3 pts

Everyone else gets one (1) point. Standings are on the right side of the blog.

ThePunk75 and Theedouble*d Represent NPP and Final Table at the Electric Stick

And ThePunk75 cashed! Here is his report:

“It was this past Saturday at the Electric Stick 4pm Tourney that two NPP players ran into each other. Before the tournament started we recognized each other and exchanged hellos then seated ourselves at different tables.

There was 4 tables to start and when the tournament got to 3 tables the two of us were at the same table. At that point I had chipped up from a flopped two pair (with a check raise on flop, and a river bet and call that nearly doubled my stack).

DD and I knowing each other stayed away from each other for the most part, although he did raise my blind once that I openly called him out on. When the tourney consolidated to two tables we again were seated together and again we stayed out of each others way even though DD raised my blind for the 2nd time. We both survived the table although I had chipped up a couple of times through KO's.

So at the final table DD was short stacked a bit and there was a preflop raise, a call all in, another call and DD raised all in and everybody called his all in.

Unfortunately for DD and his KK two aces hot the board and he was up against two players with an ace. With DD out in 10th place it was up to me to represent the NPP.

I got another KO when I limped in UTG 99 and hit top set on flop, a checked flop brought a 10 on turn and an all in from BB I insta-called and took it down.

At 5 players blinds 15-30 k , with AQ hearts I raised 75 k and got an all in call for 70 k, he flipped over AK, but a turned broadway straight for me ended his day.

Soon after that the remaining 4 players all had similar chip stacks so a four way chop was agreed upon.”

This was a fine job by both of you!

Now, how many players did you two recruit for NPP next year???

The Community Card Review – XII

Compassion is a virtue. How one demonstrates compassion is another matter.

Democrat politicians and liberals love to show up at food kitchens during the holidays when the television news cameras are rolling. Liberals in government crate massive programs that ultimately hurt the people they are supposed to help. These programs bankrupt the taxpayer and the nation at the same time, all in the name of “compassion.”

Liberals also ban behaviors that THEY deem will hurt the poor unfortunates whom liberals believe can’t or won’t make the right choices.

Three years ago. Liberals banned trans-fats in New York City to save the obese from themselves. But there are still plenty of obese people in New York, and plenty of hungry people too.

The New York City Food Bank reports that – after the the Obama Summer of Recovery – people are showing up in greater numbers than ever before for a free meal. Well, over half of the food kitchens in New York no longer have enough donated food to feed all that show up.

Donators might be surprised, saddened and pissed off to learn what happens to the food they donate. The head of the NY Food Bank tells all donators ‘thank you’, but if the food has trans-fats in it – like fried chicken - it is secretly thrown out.

Sure, people are hungry, but the Food Bank has to follow the law. Liberals feel it is better that the poor go hungry, and maybe die, rather than risk obesity with donated food.

This is liberalism in action. You can spot the few times liberals are actually doing something, because a wake of disaster is left behind.

More proof liberalism is a mental illness. There is no other explanation than fits.

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LI

No one corrected me on my Roman Numeral goof? It’s corrected now. On to the jokes!

This is only for the more sophisticated humorists among us….

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don't start anything.”

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

“Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It's Not Unusual”

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don't believe you,” says Dolly.
“It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy….

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said. “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

Internet Tournament Schedule is Heating Up - Faldo Will Sample

PokerStars is starting satellites for their eleven event USA World Championship of Online Poker (USA COOP), that will be held starting November 20th.

And still running is the PS Sunday Million, Sunday 1/4 Million, Sunday Warm-up, Sunday Second Chance and Sunday 500.

Full Tilt Poker has satellites to get into their 34 tournament Full Tilt Online Poker Series that start in November also.

You know my strategy. I try to grind out a small profit. But, I think it is time to try for some bling. I am planning to “invest” some of my profits into satellites to try and take down a major cash.

Sure I have to play well to make some profit. Then I have to play great and get lucky to win a seat in a big tourney. THEN, I have to play “in the zone” and run hotter than heck for twelve hours, to make the big cash.

But one thing is for sure – if I don’t take a shot, there is no way I can hit any target.

I think it is time to stop “practicing” and time to get in the game.

How do you think Faldo will do? Be honest friends. You can email if you prefer. - Faldo

Rjmech Wins His 1st NPP Tourney

He was a wrecking ball tonight. Twenty-one players showed up and half the players fell to the eventual winner. He mowed them down when he had the better hand - and even when he didn’t!

This is kind of his 2nd NPP win. He did chop with Douge2 one tourney, but Douge2 got the credit for the win by having the higher chip count at the time of the deal.

With this win, Rjmech moves into 1st place in the 4th quarter standings, one point ahead of T3chlady.

Meanwhile, PokerStars entertained us with some shenanigans. There was a 4-way all-in and a 3-way all in (twss) and no one was eliminated either time! Amazing! I would have captured the hands in their entirety, but alas, I was not near my home email. I was exiled to southern Indiana on business.

On to the action:

16 min: Mistermusic5 (21st)
33 min: Yecats423 (20th)
37 min: Tigercub8189 (19th) saw his two pair lose to LittleRedElf’s trips at the 20 minute mark and proceeded to sit out (with 5 full blinds of chips) the rest of the way. The history of “a chip and a chair” must be lost on the Cub. But I understand the "computer monitor out the window" possibility also.

38 min: A short-stacked (SS) Wingsfancurt (18th) moves in with (QT), but the flop of [324] hits Odds2win777’s (8s 5s) and a [6] on the turn completes his low straight.

47 min: A SS Nahanni74 (17th) has to go with (Kh Qh) but cannot catch Rjmech’s (66). The first of the massacres he executes tonight. Some exits come fast now.

48 min: Theedouble*d (16th) has (JJ) and moves in on a flop of [Q4T]. Rjmech calls with his open ended straight draw with (KJ), and hits the [A] on the river. This becomes monotonous.

49 min: One three-way did produce a double kill. Absea98 (15th) (TT) and Eyekall (14th) (99) both lose to Merhibka’s (As Ks) with an [A] on the flop.

55 min: LittleRedElf (13th) runs into Derf-63’s (AA).

1st break:

Rjmech 5255
Merhibka 4672
T3chlady 4085
Derf-63 3242
Odds2win777 2910
K9isadog 2421
Meatsword 2370
Suetman1 2230
Douge2 1320
xxxKdogxxx 1040
Funtoon 990
ThePunk75 965

63 min: A SS Douge2 (12th) has to go with (Ah 6h) and Rjmech calls him with (JT). The flop is BINGO for Rj – [8Q9].

65 min: Derf-63 (11th) with (Kc Tc) cannot catch Rjmech’s (A7).
67 min: xxxKdogxxx (10th) bubbles. A long time until the next exit.
86 min: Suetman1 (9th) loses her coin flip with (Ad Td) to K9isadog with (66).
87 min: Merhibka (8th) with (QQ) runs into K9isadog with (AA).
89 min: Funtoon (7th) loses his coin flip with (TT) to Rjmech with (QJ) and a [Q] on the flop.

94 min: Another coin flip loss as Meatsword (6th) with (AQ) cannot catch Rjmech’s (77).

You have to win coin flips to win tournaments. That is all there is to it.

97 min: Luck helps too. ThePunk75 (5th) has to go all-in when his (QJ) hits a [Q] on the flop. But Rjmech is holding (QQ)! When you are hot, you are hot!

100 min: T3chlady (4th) sees her (AJ) run into – who else? – Rjmech with (AA)!

112 min: K9isadog (3rd) loses his coin flip with (KJ) to Odds2win777’s (66).

Heads up: Odds2win777 16600 - 14900 Rjmech

114 min: Rjmech has the chip lead now and aggressively moves all-in with (Q8). Odds2win777 (2nd) has to call with (22), but a [Q] on the flop ends it. Congratulations to Rjmech on his fist NPP win!

1st – Rjmech - 24 points
2nd – Odds2win777 - 19 pts
3rd – K9isadog - 15 pts
4th – T3chlady - 12 pts
5th – ThePunk75 - 9 pts
6th - Meatsword - 7 pts
7th - Funtoon - 5 pts
8th - Merhibka - 4 pts
9th - Suetman1 - 3 pts

Everyone else gets one (1) point. Standings are on the right side of the blog.

UB Challenge - Faldo Has Losing Month, But is Still OK

With a small profit in hand and a short way to go to close out the UB Challenge for the month, Faldo decided to switch it up.

Not only did I leave the comforts of known buy-ins and strong expertise in Sit-n-Go land, but I changed games and game type. I went to an Omaha Hi-Lo Pot Limit table.

The table was wild! I saw this right away. Two guys raised pot before every flop! When the one guy went broke, the other guy continued to do it. What is Faldo to do? I could stay and really pump up my bankroll, or lose my buy-in in this "BINGO" game and be down a little for the month.

As you can tell by the headline, I didn't do so much. Now I could re-buy and break this maniac. But I just didn't want to risk the "Challenge" and lose it all to this Bozo. And as you can probably tell, I was a little tilted after the loss.

I lost with (AsAcJs2c)to take a 1/3 of my buy-in. The flop was dry and the action wild. I correctly folded. But my flush would have won as the paired board gave no one a full house. Well that didn't sit right, but that's poker.

When I finally got into a pot (knowing it would be probably be for the rest of my buy-in), I had (Ac2dJcJs) and the flop was [Jh 2c 9d]. Trips and a backdoor flush draw. My low is busted but a low is not looking good at this point.

The idiot bets the entire pot and I have to call all-in. Two players to act behind me. I want the folds, but quading up my buy-in would be sweet too. They fold.

The villian has (AsKc8h5c). Top pair and a backdoor low.

The turn is a [7c], the river a [6d]. Yes, his double gut-shot 9 to 5 straight gets there.

As I said, I probably could have stayed and broke this guy - and this table. If my bankroll was large enough to handle the swings, it was a primo situation. But alas, my bankroll is not large enough.

For that size game, I need a bankroll of 100 buy-ins, carrying 20 buys-in with me and using them one at a time. I had 10 - total (was 11). I was under-bankrolled for the game I played and THAT is why I lost!

The cards didn't do it to me. I did it to myself. I got in a game too big for my bankroll. The cards probably would have evened out and would have I walk away much richer - IF I had the stash to see it thru. I didn't.

Well, at least I maintained my nestegg to get them next month. After all, life is one long poker game. One session or one month means nothing. But you got to have a bankroll to stay in the game.

Boother36 Hosts a Friendly MSU – UM Poker Game

We had six – Faldo, Boother 36, Beerhog, Matchy, Bo and DaveE. There was one no-show that I am aware of – who will be forever shunned. Well until the next card game anyway. But, as I think I can point out- six players on a “big game” day, is pretty darn good.

The no-show was not Davethedog, by the way. He is not a no – show! He is a “Can never get permission from wife.” There are other names for that…which I will not mention.

As usual, it was as nice and as player friendly as a poker game can be. Plenty of beer, food, munchies and TWO wall mounted (twss) big screen hi-def TV’s available to watch the football action. No one hosts a better game than Boother36. Thanks, Jon.

But poor Boother… and to a greater extent, Matchy, who tries to host even more games than Boother. They try…but it is difficult to pull them together anymore. It’s worse than when I was running the monthly NPP home game, which still managed 3 to 4 cancellations a year.

I know even Faldo has had to pass on their invitaions recently – sometimes for health issues. But many times because I wanted to watch the Saturday UFC fights on pay-per-view.

Now in the old days, you never missed a home card game because that was usually the only time you played. Unless you were a frequent visitor to one of the few casinos that even had poker rooms, home games was the only place you played.

So when a game was called, you were all over it! You had to get your poker fix in when the opportunity arose.

But now there are many more casinos – all with poker rooms. Plus there are multiple charity poker rooms, some running 7 days a week. And of course internet poker is 30 seconds and a couple of clicks away! There is no excuse for poker-jonesing ever!

Recently, Faldo’s guilty as anyone else for ditching friends trying to host card games. But when I watch the UFC fights instead of attending the home game, I am still on-line – multi-tabling away on one internet poker site or the other. See the issue?

Home games are still the best place to learn and enjoy poker. Where else can you deal “Omaha Hi-Lo, bonus-bonus, triple beds, post-flop ejaculation, no connectors”?

Not to mention tell jokes, discuss sport, bad mouth no-shows and make fun of 'apron wearing - never shows".

Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXXXX

Quick Thinking – Quick Service

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room..

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.


The Power of Advertising

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old is you?”

“Eight,” the boy replied.

The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”

The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.”

UB Challenge Update – and Another Final Table for Faldo

Let the cheering begin! Making final tables in 90 player tourneys is easier than making them in 5000 player tourneys. I just figured this out. What a genius.

Faldo finished 4th in another PokerStars 90 player SNG. A four tourney set with a cash in just the one - set up this small profit.

Speaking of which: The UB – Faldo challenge continues this month. Here is the progress report:

SNG - $.12 – OUT = -$.12
SNG - $.12 - 3rd = $+.18 = $-.06
SNG - $.60 – 2nd = $+1.35 = +$.69
SNG - $.60 – OUT = $+.09
SNG - $.60 – OUT = $-.51
SNG - $.60 – OUT = $-1.11
SNG - $1.20 – OUT = $-2.31
SNG - $1.20 – 1st = +$4.50 = +$.99

Faldo’s Motto: “Never put it all on the line. Don’t chase cards or action.” – Kinish, in the movie ‘Rounders’.


$5.04 bet so far towards the requirement of $9 for the month. So, over half way there with a little profit cushion.

In this challenge, it is important to protect the bankroll by building cushion. After all, it is a one – year challenge. I have a long way to go. A run of bad cards, tough opponents or a mistake filled streak could be just around the corner.

But after the bankroll is built to a comfortable point, and near the end of the challenge - will we attempt to grab a brass ring (big cash) - or two.

After all, as Michael McDermett said, “If you never take a chance, your whole life can become a grind.”

There are two sides to every coin.

Merhibka Wins His First NPP Tourney

Welcome to the Walk of Fame Merhibka! The fifty-eighth winner here at NPP!

One of the few “mystery” players at NPP, Merhibka does not play often. He shows up one to three times a quarter…and quietly plays very well. Faldo would love some comments or email with a little more information. Either way, Merhibka is now in the hunt for a seat in the NPP finals. Let’s see if he returns to compete for it.

T3chlady takes over the league lead over ThePunk75, Meatsword and Douge2. Faldo thinks it will be a close and exciting battle the entire way.

On a personal note, Faldo has not been feeling all that well lately and have been napping after work. Well, I missed an email for a new player for tonight’s tourney and I feel bad about that. Hopefully, the newbies will be here next week. I feel awful as Faldo is usually on top of this stuff.

On to the action:

1 min: Blood right out of the chute as Rjmech (19th) loses a coin flip with (AK) to T3chlady (TT).

3 min: LittleRedElf (18th) has (As Qs) and sees a flop of [7A7] and moves in. Wingsfancurt is holding (Kh 7h). Ouch! That is two dangerous players out of the way quickly.

20 min: Pre01 (17th) goes with his (TT) and runs into Theedouble*d’s (AA).
23 min: Eyekall (16th).
26 min: xxxKdogxxx (15th) goes with (As Ks) after a flop of [57K]. Wingsfancurt calls with (KQ) and hits his [Q] on the river.

27 min: A short-stacked (SS) K9isadog (14th) goes with (J8) and cannot catch Theedouble*d’s (Ah 2h).

45 min: Derf-63 (13th)
46 min: Yecats423 (12th)
48 min: Mistermusic5 (11th) sees a flop of [KA4] and moves in. But Meatsword calls with (As 4s).

52 min: Douge2 (10th)

1st break:
Wingsfancurt 6290
Theedouble*d 5125
Meatsword 4145
T3chlady 3795
Merhibka 2860
ThePunk75 2095
Absea98 2015
Tomservo2 1140
Suetman1 1035

62 min: Merhibka slow-plays (AA) and gets ThePunk75 (9th) go with (AQ) when a [Q] lands on the river.

66 min: Tomservo2 (8th) takes the bad beat of the night with (AA) and a flop of [727]. Merhibka is holding (A7)!

84 min: A SS Suetman1 (7th) has to go with (KQ), but cannot catch Wingsfancurt’s (99).
90 min: Meatsword (6th) moves with (9c 8c) and a flop of [893]. Wingsfancurt (A9) hits his [A] on the turn.

103 min: The now SS Wingsfancurt (5th) goes with (A5), but T3chlady has (AQ).
104 min: A SS Absea98 (4th) has to try with (88) but Theedouble*d (AQ) hits an [A].
109 min: A SS T3chlady (3rd) goes with (97) and a flop of [93T], but Merhibka has (AT). Either way, this finish gives T3chlady the league lead!

Heads up: Theedouble*d 23000 - 5500 Merhibka

111 min: A complete turn of events quickly! A SS Theedouble*d (2nd) has to go with (A8) and a flop of [8R6] but Merhibka has (TT)! Nice job Merhibka.

1st – Merhibka – 24 points
2nd – Theedouble*d – 19 points
3rd – T3chlady – 15 pts
4th – Absea98 – 12 pts
5th – Wingsfancurt – 9 pts
6th – Meatsword – 7 pts
7th – Suetman1 – 5 pts
8th – Tomservo2 – 4 pts
9th – ThePunk75 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point. Standings are on the right side of the blog.

The Forgotten Man - Jon McNaughton

The Community Card Review – XI

A joint study by the United Nations and the World Health Study Organization finds that half the world’s population has no access to standard sources of energy – i.e. oil, natural gas, or electricity.

This includes Barrack Hussein Imam Obama’s brother, who lives in a hut in Africa. Somehow the rich helping out the poor doesn’t include family members at the Hussein Imam Obama’s world.

A UN spokesman said, “Half of humanity is completely disconnected from the green energy debate and their needs have to be included in any world agreement on energy.” Being disconnected from modern energy would include Barrack Hussein Imam Obama’s brother.

This comment doesn’t make any sense. But then again it is Democrat-liberalism-communism, so it never does.

The liberals meet in Copenhagen and other cozy spots around the globe – arriving in their private jets and limousines – to discuss how to diminish our access to energy. Now, they worry about how to double the number of people who have access of energy – including Barrack Hussein Imam Obama’s brother - by using policies that stop production of energy to the people that already have it.

Confused yet? If you are, you are normal.

If this approach of cutting energy supplies to the world and at the same time worrying about how to double the number of people who get energy - makes sense to you - then you are a full fledged liberal.

We already know what works. It is called capitalism, which is what gave the energy half of the planet their energy in the first place. The way to do it has already been done, but liberals ignore this and instead destroy the methods of energy development – freedom, capitalism, free markets and the ability to profit from one’s own efforts.

In less than 300 years, the United States rose to world dominance by using the capitalist-freedom model. Liberals ignore this fact, and stress wealth redistribution schemes, with themselves as dictators handing out the goodies.

Liberals heap blame and scorn on the people who deliver the energy to the world, to hide their own record of producing world hunger, poverty, suffering and lack of sustainable energy – including to Barrack Hussein Imam Obama’s brother.

Faldo Makes Final Table in PokerStars 90 player Tilt

The ladies are happy for Faldo - naturally.

Sorry for the lack of postings this week. Faldo had a rough work week with some on the road travel thrown in. Add that to the fact I have been feeling run down, led me to pre-dinner naps instead of pre-dinner writing and posting.

But Beer-thirty arrived on Friday night and I was sitting with Beerhog up at the Brighton Buffalo Wild Wings (after my pre-dinner nap), and decided to play a little on-line poker. Beerhog was also playing some tourney and ring action on PS along side me.

I got in eight tourneys – not big stakes as public internet and Faldo public poker can get interrupted. Internet cuts out sometimes and Faldo female groupies swarm Faldo on most occasions – making it impossible to concentrate on poker.

It is tough being Faldo (see The Most Interesting Man in the World post – for confirmation).

As I have mentioned before, volume is key. Even though I failed to cash in the other seven tourneys, my 6th place final table finish in this one netted a small profit for the evening.

My exit was the usual PokerStars ream-ola, as my pocket Queens lose to pocket sevens with a 7 on the river – naturally. Beerhog suffered a similar fate in his tourney also.

The Sam Adams Octoberfest beer was tasty at least.

Douge2 Wins and Ties ThePunk75 for the League Lead

Douge2 weaved thru a field of twenty-one others to take the top spot tonight.

Faldo was late to the game due to business in Canada. We did get to welcome back Nahanni74 and Fourbetbluff back to the NPP action. Great to see these two great players back in the mix for an NPP seat.

On to the action:

Remember, Faldo was late to the festivities:
4 min: T3chlady (22nd)
7 min: Derf-63 (21st)
10 min: xxxKdogxxx (20th)
20 min: Yecats423 (19th)
32 min: Pre01 (18th)
38 min: Suetman1 (17th)
42 min: Meatsword (16th)
46 min: A short-stacked (SS) Odds2win777 (15th) moves in with (Jc Tc), but cannot catch Douge2’s (As Ks).

48 min: A SS Wingsfancurt (14th) has to go with (QJ) and runs into Douge2’s (JJ). An omen that Doug will be tough this evening!

49 min: ThePunk75 (13th) Sorry I missed it – internet issues.
55 min: A recently SS’ed Fourbetbluff (12th) sees his (KK) get run over by Rjmech’s (A2) as a [A2J] comes on the flop. Sometimes it is just not your night.

1st break:
Rjmech 5253
Douge2 5060
Theedouble*d 4790
Mistermusic5 4650
Eyekall 3334
Nahanni74 1915
Absea98 1912
Tigercub8189 1888
Tomservo2 1865
K9isadog 1473
LittleRedElf 860

The talent in this league is something. Look how long the battle lasts with all these short stacks!
66 min: A now SS Theedouble*d (11th) goes with (KQ) and runs into Tomservo2’s (AA).
80 min: A SS LittleRedElf (10th) flops two pair (T3) with a flop of [KT3]. Eyekall can’t go anywhere with his (KQ) and he hits a [Q] on the river.

88 min: Absea98 (9th) sees his (KK) run into Rjmech’s (AA). Ouch!!!!
90 min: A SS Tomservo2 (8th) gets triple-teamed by Douge2, Eyekall and the winner, Mistermusic5.

95 min: Tigercub8189 (7th) has (JJ) and minimum bets Douge2 (Ad 6d), all the way to the river. Doug has a straight and flush draw – along with an over card. Doug hits his flush on the river.

99 min: Nahanni74 (6th)
109 min: A SS Mistermusic5 (5th) goes with (7d 4d) and gets double-teamed by Rjmech and the winner, Douge2 (Qs Js).

112 min: K9isadog (4th) goes with (AT), but Eyekall has (Ac Kc).
113 min: Rjmech (3rd) goes with (KT), and a flop of [K36], but Douge2 is holding (K3)! Ouch!

Heads up: Douge2 23000 - Eyekall 10000
115 min: Douge2 26300 - Eyekall 6700

139 min: Eyekall (2nd) fights back, close to even in chips and goes with (AT). Douge2 calls holding (KJ) and hits a [J] on the flop.

Congratulations to Douge2 on the win!

1st – Douge2 24 pts
2nd – Eyekall 19 pts
3rd – Rjmech 15 pts
4th – K9isadog 12 pts
5th – Mistermusic5 9 pts
6th – Nahanni74 7 pts
7th – Tigercub8189 5 pts
8th – Tomservo2 4 pts
9th – Absea98 3 pts

Standings and totals are on the right side of the blog.

Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXXXIX

Grab on Tight!!

The other day, a gentleman went to the dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle to give him a shot. "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do gas either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me"!

As a last resort, the dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "Hell no", the man said. "Finally a good solution. I'm fine with pills".

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The gentleman said in amazement, "WOW! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth!"


Subject: What Faldo Would Have Said if He Was Tiger Woods

To my wife: I'm sorry. I screwed up and I won't ever do it again. I love you. But I can’t change it, so you'll either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the prenup....sorry.

To my fans: Get over it. Where I dip my wick is none of your business. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop puts that you couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis.

To the media: You losers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years, knowing exactly what has been going on…. and now ripping me every chance you've had since Thanksgiving. Fuck all ya'll. I'm glad I got a break from answering the same bullshit questions over and over again.

To the other golfers: Kiss my ass! Some of you come out ripping me when I've put more fucking money in your pockets than you could count? You think anyone's been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a break. I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys. But I think it's going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

That's all I got today folks.....see ya at Augusta!

Oh and Bambi, if my wife takes the check - and you're listening - I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.

Faldo Wins a Full Tilt 90 Player SNG

Faldo has migrated to these SNG's as the 500 to 10000 player tourney cashes are just too long in coming. (twhs)

The big tourney cashes are great - when they happen - but Faldo likes to replenish the backroll a little more often.

I will still play in the "big ones" but they will consist of maybe 20% of my tourney entries - with one table and multi-table SNG's splitting the other 80% of my tournament action.

On to the action on how Faldo won:

I got to the final table in 6th place in chips and the entire table sat out - except me. I noticed it after an hour and then slowly won all the blinds. After all, just because there was no seated players, doesn't mean you raise with (72) UTG.

The key to winning a tournament (which I finally understand) is to WIN THE COIN FLIPS!!!! I won virtually every AK vs PP face off, no matter which side of the coin I had.

Tourneys are a gamble. Being a good player only increases the chance that you might catch lightening in a bottle, or Lady Luck, or a hot streak, or being a 'luck box', or whatever else you want to call it.

But to win a tourney, you still have to catch the breaks. - Faldo

True Poker Updates Their Site – Check it Out!

Niks Poker Palace – supporting youth hockey (see picture), PokerStars and True Poker (started in 2000).

Big thanks to Beerhog, BigBrimar, DavetheDog and Faldo himself for contributions to the sign fund at the Beerhog Hockey Golf Outing.

PokerStars – I love you, but one of the sites I cannot seem to leave alone is True Poker.

It has 3D tables, talking avatars and quirky table surroundings that are just too much fun to ignore.

True Poker’s old lobby was hard to navigate and tough to read. But they have updated their software, their lobby look and added a 2D table option.

They accept US players and eWalletXpress is an option for loading the site and cashing out.

Cashing out has never been a problem. What is a problem is the low volume of players (True Poker ranks 25th in the world in traffic) and the occasional software freeze. But refunds are given quickly.

All this site has to do to get bigger is add many cheap tourneys - and ADVERTISE! Faldo is attempting to help out with the latter.

Go to the site and even if you play for free, the software is worth checking out.

Review of “Detroit 1-8-7” is Truthful. Word!

Mike Carlisle, a retired Detroit homicide detective gave a critique of the new police drama, “Detroit 1-8-7.” But in my never humble opinion, it is a pointed critique of not only the failed system of Democrat liberalism in Detroit politics, but also of an accomplice media who fails to report total anarchy – that is Detroit.

Here is Carlisle’s review:

"When asked to review this new series, I admit I was a little skeptical. As a retired Detroit homicide detective I generally don't watch cop shows, whether reality or Hollywood entertainment. But I was intrigued because this particular show revolves around the day-to-day activities of the Detroit Police Homicide Section.

I know this is fictional and for entertainment purposes, but from what I've heard, the producers tried to make this as close to reality as they could to showcase Detroit Homicide at work. That's fine, but I did notice a few irregularities.

The first thing I notice are the decent cars the detectives drive. "This can't be Detroit!" I said to myself.

This past Sunday I pulled up next to my old squad boss traveling on Eight Mile on his way to a homicide scene. He was still driving the old Chevy I used to drive for 10 years. He told me nothing's changed as I remarked about the condition of his vehicle.

I remember when one detective had to take the city bus to a scene because of the condition and lack of cars available.

Next thing is detectives finding a fingerprint on a spent bullet casing? Which produced a suspect? This type of forensic work takes weeks — and, in Detroit, months — to complete.

In my 10 years in homicide, I had only one fingerprint on a casing come back from the crime lab. It took eight months to get it. By the time I got the results, the killer had already been convicted and sentenced to life in prison.

And don't forget, Detroit doesn't even have a police lab anymore. It was shut down in September 2008 after an audit found an unacceptable error rate and poor quality controls.

Next: Interview of the suspects? I wish Detroit had those two-way mirrors.

Next: I noticed in one scene a helicopter in the air. Couldn't have been ours. Budget cuts got rid of them a long time ago.” - MC

Mike Carlisle retired in 2008 after 21 years with the Detroit Police Department, 10 of them in the Homicide Section. Carlisle — badge No. 4339 — was considered one of the finest homicide detectives in the city. He closed well above 50 percent of his cases, including a serial killer, in a city with more than 11,000 homicides dating back to 1960.

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when you go to a Lions, Tigers or Wings game doesn’t it? If you or your family members are killed in Detroit, the detectives will take a bus to the scene to gather evidence that will take 8 months to get analyzed.

And remember, if you are a CCW permit owner, YOU are breaking the law if you bring your weapon with you to defend yourself. Only liberals can make our constitutional rights illegal.

Meanwhile the local media reports on global warming protests, teacher union demands, electric cars and how much gas costs today. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

ThePunk75 Wins Round One of the 4th Quarter

After just missing in the 3rd quarter, ThePunk75 let the league know he will be around this time also. He bested 20 other NPP veterans to take the early league lead.

Faldo was hoping to see some of our old friends tonight and maybe even some new players. But our turnout and league is still as talent laden and as strong as ever.

On to the action:

22 min: A short-stacked (SS) Derf-63 (21st) has to go with (QJ) and runs into T3chlady (Ad Kd), and does not catch up.

26 min: A SS Suetman1 (20th) goes with (Js 8s) but cannot catch K9isadog’s (KK).
29 min: Theedouble*d (19th).
37 min: Mistermusic5 (18th) has (QQ) and is called by Wingsfancurt with (AK). Curt wins the coin flip with a [K] on the flop.

38 min: A (SS) Tigercub8189 (17th) has to go with his (Ah 8h) and runs into Pre01’s (AJ).

43 min: Douge2 (16th).
46 min: A SS Yecats423 (15th) goes with (QT), but can’t catch Rjmech’s (K6).
50 min: Eyekall (14th) goes with (AA) and Odds2win calls with (99), but a [9] hit on the flop.

58 min: xxxKdogxxx (13th)
60 min: A SS Funtoon (12th) tries to fight the Break Monster with (Ac Qc). He gets his call by K9isadog (A8) and an [8] hits on the flop. The Break Monster claims yet another victim.

1st break:
Pre01 5245
K9isadog 3868
Meatsword 3475
ThePunk75 3468
T3chlady 3260
Odds2win777 3245
Wingsfancurt 2910
LittleRedElf 2705
Absea98 1572
Rjmech 1432
Tomservo2 320

65 min: Tomservo2 (11th)
66 min: Odds2win777 (10th) has (QT) and hits a [Q] on the flop and moves all-in. ThePunk75 is holding (AA) and does not get run down.

68 min: LittleRedElf gets crippled to just 3 BB’s of chips left when his over-card and flush draw (Ah Jh) doesn’t catch K9isadog’s (KK). But the Elf mounts a comeback!

59 min: A SS Absea98 (9th) goes with (A9) (58%) and Pre01 calls with (6s 5s) (42%) and hits a [6] on the river.

77 min: A SS Rjmech (8th) (Qh Jh) (14%) is tripled-teamed by the chip leader Wingsfancurt with (QQ) (61%) and LittleRedElf with (AJ) (24%). The Elf hits his [A] on the flop!

87 min: LittleRedElf’s (7th) comeback ends when he loses a coin flip with (Ad Kd) to Wingsfancurt’s (66). The Elf exits a short time later.

90 min: Pre01 (6th) moves with (TT) (45%) and gets double-teamed by Wingsfancurt (AJ) (36%) and T3chlady (77) (19%). The Lady takes it all with a [7] on the river!

92 min: The now SS Wingsfancurt (5th) goes with (QT), but ThePunk75 has (AK).
95 min: A SS K9isadog (4th) has to try with (97) when the flop comes down [963] (64%), but Meatsword (7c 5c) (32%) hits his straight.

108 min: T3chlady (3rd) sees her (JJ) run into ThePunk75’s (AA).

Heads up: ThePunk75 24500 - 7000 Meatsword
110 min: ThePunk75 19500 - 12000 Meatsword
115 min: ThePunk75 22000 - 9500 Meatsword
120 min: ThePunk75 25500 - 6000 Meatsword

123 min: Meatsword (2nd) has to go with (T9) but can’t catch ThePunk75’s (Q2). Congratulations to the Punk!

1st – ThePunk75 – 24 points
2nd – Meatsword – 19 points
3rd – T3chlady – 15 pts
4th – K9isadog – 12 pts
5th – Wingsfancurt – 9 pts
6th – Pre01 – 7 pts
7th – LittleRedElf – 5 pts
8th – Rjmech – 4 pts
9th – Absea98 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point. Standings are on the right side of the blog.

Douge2’s Humor Corner - XXXXVIII

IRS Agents Are Made, Not Born

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit he books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question . "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."


A Golf Story

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy. And good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me...this morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!

The Community Card Review – X

The Democrat controlled Associated Press is reporting that illegal immigrants are giving a population boost to major cities across the United States.

You see, major cities have been seeing a decline in population as American citizens flee the high unemployment, high taxes, high crime rates, terrible city schools and services. Cities like Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, New York, San Francisco and Detroit all lost American born citizens in record numbers. But their illegal immigrant populations are climbing.

What do all these cities have in common? They are all VERY liberal / Democrat run cities in VERY liberal/ Democrat run states.

Losing population would mean losing Congressional seats in these liberal hotbeds of utter lunacy. Democrats needed to stop the flood of lost population in their cities before the 2010 census.

The immigrant population that supposedly lives in the shadows, with no voice, suddenly become front line pawns to be used to shore up Democrat districts. Forget the fact that they live in both poverty and danger just to shore up Democrat voter rolls. Forget the fact that they are not citizens. After all, since when have laws and the Constitution mattered to Democrats?

This is why Democrats have action groups like ACORN out there stuffing census ballots and ballot boxes. They have to cheat to win. Holding power is all that matters to leftists.

If you question this unlawful behavior of the Democrats, you will be called a racist. You are supposed to shut up and let Democrats fraud, deceive and cheat, as they always do.

Real Americans will win regardless - or die fighting for freedom.

Poker Sites and Shared Skins – II

Just for fun I decided to throw some of my research on the nearly 300 poker sites I have visited up on the blog. This information is as accurate as the casual researcher can make it – which makes it 20 times more accurate than the stuff you see on MSNBC or CNN.

A shared poker skin is an internet poker site, with the same software and player pool, but under various marketing names and management. Some of the promotions will be different, the play and the tournaments offered will be the same.

PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker, and Bodog Poker are all stand alone poker rooms. That is why they will always be on my list of sites I visit.

Closely behind is the Cereus Poker Network, which supports only two skins of some fame (and infamy): Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet.

Now for the also-rans. True Poker, which also can be found as Third Bullet Poker.

Ok, here we go with the rest of them in order of me playing on them or not, and then in alphabetical order:

Cake Poker, aka, Doyle’s Room, Card Spike Poker, Gutshot Poker, Unibomber Poker, Victory Poker,

Poker4Ever, (Everleaf Inc.), aka Land Shark Poker, Luvin Poker, Swank Poker,Vulcan Poker

Sportsbook Poker, (Merge Poker Network) aka Aced Poker, Carbon Poker, Iron Duke Poker, Lock Poker, Players Only Poker, Poker Nordica, Poker Pros, Reefer Poker, RPM Poker,

World Poker Exchange, aka Achaubet Poker, Bet Pop Poker, First Fidelity Poker, Legendz Poker, Pig Poker, You Wager Poker,

Now where I can’t or won’t play:

888 Poker, Lucky Ace Poker, City Lights Poker, Pacific Poker, WSOP,

Betfair Poker (On Game Network), Bwin, Euro Poker, Hollywood Poker, Red Kings Poker

Everest Poker, aka Empire Poker (moved from True Poker), Party Poker, WPT,

William Hill Poker (IPoker network), CD Poker, Chili Poker, Fair Poker, Titan Poker, Winner Poker,

T3chlady Wins Her 1st NPP Event! – xxxKdogxxx Takes 3rd Qtr Seat

What an exciting night of firsts! After a lot of close encounters – of the poker type – T3chlady finally broke thru and won our weekly tourney. She has been cursed with some of the worst bad beats seen in our league – this side of Faldo. But unlike your host, she handled them all with class and dignity.

T3chlady is also the 7th woman to win an NPP tilt.

To my knowledge, she never had to retrieve her laptop from the toilet bowl or from the lawn of the hotel where it flew out the window. Her steady resolve and steady poker talent were rewarded tonight.

In the league standings for the 3rd quarter seat, ThePunk75’s early exit opened the door for xxxKdogxxx. He needed to finish at least 4th and managed a 3rd! Your host, Mikeniks-Faldo did finish 4th and secured 1st place over-all in Quarter 3. But I am a wildcard, so 2nd place also gets a seat in the finals. Congratulations to xxxKdogxxx.

One Quarter left and 3 seats are still available! The winner of Quarter 4, anybody tied, and the one or two Overall point leader(s) that did not win a seat. We will add three more to the NPP Final table. Good luck everyone!

On to the action:

4 min: Tomservo2 hits the flop hard with his top two pair, but T3chlady starts her run to the title by hitting trips on the same flop!

5 min: A double-kill as K9isadog (AA) takes out Wingfancurt (Kc Tc) (19th) and ThePunk75 (Ah Kh) (18th), who has to go with a flop of [6h Th Jc], but American Airlines holds up.

15 min: A short-stacked (SS) Tomservo2 (17th) has to go with his (KQ) and runs into Derf-63’s (AA).

30 min: A SS LittleRedElf (16th) has to go with (KT) but cannot run down Tigercub8189’s (44).

34 min: Douge2 (15th) with (QQ), who had an outside shot at a 3rd quarter seat, gets double-teamed by girl-on-girl action. Suetman1 (TT) and Yecats423 (JJ) call him down. Yecats hits the [J] on the flop.

36 min: A SS Theedouble*d (14th) has to try with (6s 5s) but cannot catch Meatsword’s (99).

46 min: A SS Pre01 (13th) goes with (9h 8h) but can’t catch Mistermusic5’s (A8).
50 min: A SS Absea98 (12th) is double-teamed by K9isadog and T3chlady, and K9’s pair of nines takes it down.

Then the exits come faster than I can record them! Can you say “Breakmonster”?
57 min: A SS Derf-63 (11th) goes with (KT) and cannot catch K9isadog’s (33).

58 min: A SS Mistermusic5 (10th) calls all-in with (AJ) and gets double-teamed by Meatsword (AQ) and a SS Mikeniks-Faldo with (88). The pocket pair hold up.

59 min: Meatsword (9th) goes out and I missed it, recording the other hands and trying to make a final table myself.

1st break:
T3chlady 8720
K9isadog 4817
xxxKdogxxx 4410
Mikeniks-Faldo 2750
Yecats423 2445
Tigercub8189 1970
Funtoon 1815
Suetman1 1576

70 min: Tigercub8189 (8th) goes with (AT) and cannot catch K9isadog’s (AJ).
75 min: Suetman1 (7th) loses a coin flip with (TT) to K9isadog’s (AK) with a [K] on the flop.

77 min: A SS Funtoon (6th) moves with (Kd Jd) and runs into Yecats423’s (AK).
86 min: A SS Yecats423 (5th) goes with (A9), but K9isadog has (AA).
100 min: A SS Mikeniks-Faldo (4th) has to try with (22) but K9isadog has (88).
101 min: A SS xxxKdogxxx (3rd) loses to T3chlady’s pair of tens.

Heads up: K9isadog 15500 - 13000 T3chlady
105 min: K9isadog 15500 - 13000 T3chlady

106 min: T3chlady took a slight lead and took it down with trip kings!

1st – T3chlady – 24 points
2nd – K9isadog – 19 points
3rd – xxxKdogxxx – 15 pts
4th – Mikeniks-Faldo – 12 pts
5th – Yecats423 – 9 pts
6th – Funtoon – 7 pts
7th – Suetman1 – 5 pts
8th – Tigercub8189 – 4 pts
9th – Meatsword – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point. Standings are on the right side of the blog. The 4th quarter starts next week!

Premier Poker Lounge Re-opens on Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Premier Poker Lounge (PPL) WILL OPEN AT 7PM ON WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 15, 2010 -
FOR CASH GAMING ACTION!

BRING A FRIEND AND ENJOY SOME CHARITY GAMING.

THANKS FOR BEING PATIENT WITH OUR CLOSING THIS SUMMER.

CHECK OUR WEB SITE FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

www.premierpokerloung.com

CALL DAN FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION -

810-869-3692

NFL = National Fixed League

They obviously make rules up as they go along. A comeback win by the Lions is not in the scheme or script for the NFL this year, obviously.

Let me be clear here. I did not have a bet on the Detroit Lions / Chicago Bears game. Even if I had bet the Lions, I would have won as they were getting 6 points in the spread.

I am a Lions fan by birth. But they have been losing for 55 years (my entire life span), so just another loss – even a heartbreaker – would have rolled off of my back.

But the travesty that unfolded Sunday and the last minute touchdown by the Lions that was taken away – was a pure criminal act. Its worse than Franco Harris and that fake "Immaculate Reception". Ever notice you never see the wide angle of that 'catch'? It's because it was not. The nose of the football was on the ground. The referee asked how many policemen were around to get him to the locker room, and he was told "one". He signaled, "Touchdown"!

Now they will dress it up, make excuses – and EXACTLY as they have done in the past – and claim on Monday that the call was correct. Then, eight to ten weeks later, or after the playoff teams scripted to make the post season are on their way, they will say that indeed the Lions were done wronged.

A runner falling forward with a ball coming loose as he “breaks the plane”, but before he is actually tackled is a touchdown? But a man who catches a ball with two hands, takes two steps, lands on his butt, then rolls over and places the ball in the end zone – is called a dropped pass????????

The calls being made in professional (and college, for that matter) sports today are nothing short of a complete joke. How fans put their hard earned money down to watch these obviously fixed sporting events eludes me. I don’t do it – and have not for over 20 years.

That call on Sunday is exactly why.

As a fan – and as an ex-jock and a competitor - the real issue I cannot tolerate is the complete acceptance of the rip-off by the players, coaches and as you will see – the management. It’s all about the money.

Why the receiver was not in the referee’s face is beyond me. Why the Lion’s coaches did not hold the defense off the field in protest for the final snap is beyond me.

Why the Lions coaching staff, to a man – did not hound the referees all the way to the locker room - proves it is all about the money. Their feeling is – “Well, shows over for this week. What five-star restaurant is our reservation at?”

I hate losing. But I despise being cheated by total incompetence – or worse as in this case – manipulation. The fact that the team I root for - rolls over and presents its sphincter like Obama on the world stage, disgusts me to an even greater degree.

If they won’t fight for themselves, why am I watching? If sports are going to be scripted like our evening news, why am I watching?

Well, I’m not anymore. I stopped buying. Now I stop watching. – Faldo

The Community Card Review – IX

PS: For all of you in Ann Arbor: All those people you see in this picture - ARE DEAD - and died a horrible death. FYI.

How did this nation go from a steel resolve to destroy the people who killed over 3,000 Americans – where even the limp-wrist Democrats voted in favor of the invasion of Iraq – twice, to a nation that wants to build a mosque at the exact place where the massacre occurred? The answer is - liberals and Democrats.

My response to building the mosque at ground zero is this – go ahead and build it. There were two buildings there once before, and they got destroyed with alot of people in them. So, - go ahead. Build it, and fill it up! Please!!!!

The greatest crime perpetrated on our country was not the 9/11 attack – that even Osama Bin Laden said was thought up because of Democrat weakness.

The greatest crime on our country was not the union laws and tax laws written by Democrats that destroyed our economy.

The greatest crime committed on our country was not even the ignoring of our borders, Constitution and the push for “diversity” - instead of Americanism - that Democrats push relentlessly.

The greatest crime against our nation is not even the total socialist propaganda take over of our news and media outlets by Democrat operatives who broadcast and print thru a communist filter.

The greatest crime is the destruction of the education system of our children. Joe Stalin said, “Give me your children, and I will get your country.” The Communist – Democrats have done just that. Our children – from age 5 to 35 – are brainwashed with socialism, and have no concept of the sacrifices made for them by past generations, or what made their nation great.

How did this nation go from the most revered and feared nation in the world, to a European-like satellite socialist state, who can’t and won’t stick up for itself – or the weak countries getting picked on by dictators, bullies and fascists?

How did we go from uniting to fight for our country, our lives and our way of life, to electing an inexperienced muslim, leftist, narcissist, who hates this country and has a middle name of Hussein?

If any of you even think to reflect on this day – and what really happened and why (media outlets who show shootings every day, won’t show you the real videos of 9/11 because they don’t want you to be knowledgeable – and want to fight back) – be sure to acknowledge how the Democrats have left us in the same spot we were before that day. Talking and acting weak, retreating from the fight for our freedom and “hoping” the bully won’t bother us – and “change” his ways because we are bending over and grabbing our ankles.

But also reflect on how YOU – or your NEIGHBOR – voted for this destruction of our nation by voting Democrat.

As I already proved, it may not be your fault due to the brainwashing you received in our leftist education system. But from the election of Obama going forward, any Democrat voter is a traitor. Pure and simple.

The debate - and the talking - is over on this point.

If it sounds like I am still angry about 9/11 - that would be a huge understatement. And as far as vaquishing Democrats from our government - LET"S ROLL!!!– Nik Faldo

Poker Sites and Shared Skins

The entire article is on the PokerNews dot com link on this site. But I thought I would make it front page.

“There are two ways to create a new poker website. First, a developer could create his own software and develop a customer base from scratch to form the player pool on his site.

But it's difficult to get players to sign up and play without an already established group of opponents for them to play against. So the question is how to create something from nothing.

There is a second option. Instead of building his own system from the ground up, a developer could create a "skin," a poker room that uses preexisting software that belongs to an already established network.

The skin has its own brand and user interface but shares the player pool of all of the skins on its network. Although each site may have unique promotions and games, most of the time they share cash games, tournaments, advertising, security, and other features with their sister sites. That means the benefits of the home network should be a major factor in choosing which sites are right for you.

PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker each have unique software and networks that they don't share with any other brand names. They are the two biggest by far.

Bodog Poker: The Bodog network includes only one poker room (Bodog) but also has sports betting and casino sites. Executives are currently investing megabucks in increasing the Bodog brand overseas, especially in relation to sports betting. More name recognition can only help the games on the company's poker site.

CEREUS Poker: This network was born when UltimateBet and AbsolutePoker merged. It's not many people's favorite poker client, and the CEREUS name change didn't do much to help players forget the cheating scandals associated with either site's original title. Despite the grumbling, CEREUS still has one of the largest player pools on the market, and it accepts U.S. players. CEREUS network was recently bought by Bianca Gaming.

Cake Poker: This is the network all the cool kids want to sit with at lunch. Victory Poker moved to Cake on September 1. Doyle's Room moved here in 2009. LockPoker, Gutshot Poker, Unibomber Poker, and a variety of other skins also share the Cake Network. Because U.S. players are allowed, and several new skins are working hard to rep the network, Cake's player base is growing rapidly. Victory Poker moves to Cake network.

Everleaf Gaming: Everleaf, home to LuvinPoker and LandShark Poker among others, is one of the few networks still open to U.S. players, yet it lacks the player base big enough to attract more than 1,000 players at any time. It does, however, boast one of the industry's most secure shuffling systems.

Merge Network: Although some of its skins of jumped ship recently, the Merge Network still hosts Carbon Poker, Players Only Poker, Reefer Poker, RPMPoker, and a score of other poker sites. Its software has a few entertaining features, including the ability to muck only one card and rabbit hunt. It's in need of increased traffic, however, before it will be able to support higher stakes.”

Douge2's Humor Corner - XXXXVII

Golfing Hit Man

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.

“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.”

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

“I'm a hit man,” was the reply.
“You're joking!” was the response.
“No, I'm not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”

“That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

“Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!” He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”

“I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”
“Can you do two for me now?”
“Sure, what do you want?”

“First, shoot my wife. She's always been bitchy and loud, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he was a friend of mine, so shoot his member off to teach him a lesson he won't forget.”

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

“Are you going to do it or not?” said the friend impatiently.

“Just be patient,” said the hit man calmly, “I think I can save you a grand here.”

K9isadog Makes a Run in a PokerStars Mega-Tournament!

Here is his story:

"LOL.....bobbed and weave for five and half hours with blinds 30000/15000 and ante 3000.

In the Small Blind, a I (K8) called a short stack all-in from button his (AK) stood up.

With 158k i had (KJ) UTG (under the gun) and limped for 30000 and folded to raise of 90k and an all-in from the button. I would have lost the hand if I called.

Then in the BB with (T4), I had to fold to a raise. I never was at average in chips for last 2hours. I never got the run I needed.

I had fun because I qualified with Frequent Player Points (FPP). I made $151 with the eye on First Place money...sooner or later. But I bested 29000 others, finishing 127th!"

Nice job K9! That is a heck of a run! - Faldo

He is the Real "Most Interesting Man in the World!"

Faldo made an album of one of his hands clapping, and it went Platinum in four days.

Strippers pay Faldo in order to give him a lap dance.

Faldo’s athleticism is that of legend. Faldo once caught his own home run ball.

When hunting, Faldo’s quarry simply surrenders to him – be it game – or women.

Faldo obeys gravity, but Faldo doesn’t have to.

Faldo did not play in the NFL because of the two – minute warning. Faldo heeds no warnings.

The sun cannot burn Faldo…even if it wanted to.

When Faldo touches 14k gold…and it turns into 24k gold.

Faldo has never needed an eraser, White-out or the back-space on his computer.

Faldo pulls cops over – just because Faldo can.

Trains stop at road crossings … just in case Faldo is coming.

Any city Faldo enters…Faldo already has the key.

Faldo never needs a credit card. His word is good enough.

His brain is registered as a lethal weapon.

The resale value on Faldo’s used car is higher than the price of any new car.

Faldo always has his cake and eats it too.

Faldo increases property values by 50% simply by visiting.

Faldo gave a word of poker advice to a young man once…and Phil Ivey never looked back.

In a college football game, Faldo caught his own touchdown pass.

Faldo can stand in a rainstorm and decide not to get wet.

Faldo can lead horses to water…and make them drink.

Faldo is banned from the Guinness Book of World Records to give other people a chance.

Faldo was the motivation for the James Bond 007 series.

There are three things in life that are certain; death, taxes…and Faldo.

Faldo says, “I rarely lose at poker. But when I do....it is always a bad beat. Stay tilt-free my friends.”

UB Challenge Update

PS: Remember, no NPP tourney this Tuesday - Labor Day Break!

I know you all have been dutifully scrolling down the site – just below Faldo’s profile - to closely monitor the Faldo – UB challenge. Heck, I am sure you have all hired people at big bucks just to check the site for you and let you know when there is an update.

In the interest of lowering the workload of the unwashed working class, let me post it right in front. This will enable the main-stream news outlets to get scoops for those news items they scroll across the bottom of the screen.

But then again, when is what Faldo does….not news???

The challenge is to see how much Faldo can build $9 up to in a year on Ultimate Bet – betting at least a full $9 every month. Starting on July 1, 2010, the pot has grown to $17.83 at the end of August.

Here are the September results so far after $3 bet:
Five SNG’s played.
9th - Middle set runs into top set
2nd - Misplayed it heads up.
6th – Quad sixes loses to a straight flush on the river
8th - Pocket tens runs into pocket kings
1st – and P-R-O-F-I-T !!!!!

New total $18.43, surpassing the double up total at least.

Now to keep it going!

Douge2’s Humor Corner - XXXXVI

The Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late.... and saw the funeral guy was evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left.... and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down. The vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept; I wept; we all wept together.

When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothin' like that before....and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”


From the Mouths of Babes

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

”Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,” she asks, “Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: “No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?”

“Osama Bin Laden,” she says.

“Why Osama Bin Laden?” her father asks in shock.

”Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.”

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. “Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.”

”I know,” Melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker.”

And You Complain About Poker Rakes?

Tax his land. Tax his bed,
Tax the table at which he's fed.
Tax his tractor. Tax his mule.
Teach him taxes are the rule.

Tax his cow. Tax his goat.
Tax his pants. Tax his coat.
Tax his ties. Tax his shirt.
Tax his work. Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco. Tax his drink.
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his cigars. Tax his beers.
If he cries, then tax his tears.

Tax his car. Tax his gas.
Find other ways to tax his ass.
Tax all he has then let him know,
That you won't be done till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers, then tax him some more,
Tax him til he's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin. Tax his grave.
Tax the sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom."
When he's gone, do not relax,
Its time to apply the Inheritance Tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
CCW License Tax
Cigarette Tax
City Taxes
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax,
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Marriage Penalty Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Taxes
Real Estate Tax
Sales Taxes
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

For your information, The State of Illinois has over 7,000 taxing authorities – and they are not even the most heavily taxed state in the Union.

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

Democrats, Liberalism, Socialism, Communism happened – right here in the United States.

And I still have to "press 1" for English.