Sunday, April 30, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 5th time in 2017

Tomservo2 makes it 5 NPP rings this year.
Tomservo2 doesn't need to, but he continues to make short work of the NPP field. Tom already has the 1st quarter seat, but the competitive fire still burns. And Tom moves up the Walk of Fame!

2nd - Douge2
3rd - LittleRedElf
Bubble - KingBing420

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 26th NPP win.

Now for a story from one of my relative's past:

A mafia Godfather accompanied by his attorney walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

So the attorney signs the question to the accountant. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather what he said.

The Godfather pulls a big pistol out of his pocket and puts it to the accountant's head and says to the lawyer, "Ask him again."

The lawyer does and the accountant says this time, "OK, the money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather say, "Well......what did he say?"

The attorney interprets, "He said - Go to hell and you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

Friday, April 21, 2017

Douge2 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

Danielle Montgomery waits for Douge2 in the NPP Country Club shower/bath.
Leave it to Douge2 to leave his mark on every quarter of NPP history. He jumps into the 2nd quarter fray with this victory in a field of 14.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Absea98
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tomservo2

Still plenty of time to catch the leaders here in the 2nd Quarter race. See you Tuesday.

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 24th NPP victory!

Now for some useful health tips:

It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life. This enables you at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 a month.

The only reason Faldo would exercise at this point in his life to hear heavy breathing again.

Faldo did join a health club at the cost of $500. Have not lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

Faldo likes long walks .....taken by people who annoy me.

Faldo does not exercise because it makes me spill my beer.

And some common sense truths:

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

There is not one shred of evidence to support the notion that life should be taken seriously.

It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Bills travel thru the mail at twice the speed of paychecks.

Junk is something you keep for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Every time they make something idiot-proof, they build a bigger idiot.

How to measure the sanity of a liberal:
Ask them to name one successful liberal program or idea.
Then record the time it takes them to give up before their head explodes.
They will call you a name or walk away, and then you stop the timer.
The quicker they reach that point, the greater their mental illness.

If they are still trying to think of one after a half-hour, you may have a liberal that can be cured.
At least the brain is trying to function and reach the truth that there has never been one.
Feel free to stop them at this point and explain that there isn't any.
They will not accept that right away, but at least their brain is trying to bring them back to the real world. Give them time to heal themselves.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Greggst49 Wins for the 1st Time at NPP!

One of Greg's groupie's waits patiently for his return to his NPP suite.
Welcome to the Walk of Fame Greg, as you become the 78th person to win a tournament at NPP! He defeats a field of 15 to get his first win, and jump into the race for the 2nd quarter seat. Way to close the deal Greg!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Derf-63
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - Douge2

Still time to become a factor in the 2nd quarter seat chase. See you Tuesday night!

Congratulations to Greggst49 on his 1st NPP victory!

The Rules - From the Guy's Side:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it is up, put it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can come up with the perfect gift......yet again.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.

1. Do not ask what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss; the upcoming game times, golf tee times, fantasy draft trades, whether 'those' over there are real or what is the world record for belly button lint and am I in the running?

1. Sunday sports are like the moon and the tides changing. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport or quality time with you. And no, we will never think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints, strong hints, and obvious hints don't work. Just say it.

1. We don't remember dates. Fill out a calendar and place it where we will see it frequently. Then remind us to look at it. Then remind us important dates are coming up and to check said calendar.

1. 'Yes' and 'no' are perfectly good answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem you want solved. If you want really just want to whine, complain, get it off you chest or get sympathy, that's what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything guys say 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all guy comments are null and void after 7 days.

1. If you don't dress like Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Matter of fact, still don't 'expect' it, but your odds are a little better.

1. If something can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you angry.....we meant it the other way.

1. We will ogle. It is in our DNA. It's genetic. Let it be.

1. All these rules are all #1, on purpose.

Thursday, April 06, 2017

KingBing420 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2017

Phil Ivey has got nothin on KingBing420.
KingBing420 is figuring it out obviously and is in serious contention to clinch a seat in the second quarter. But there is plenty of time for all players to get back in contention. See you at the virtual tables on on Tuesday night.

2nd - Absea98
3rd - Douge2
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulation to KingBing420 on her 8th NPP win.

Now an NPP moment of Zen:

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of 1,000 miles starts begins with.....a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that is the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you are not getting any.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple car payments.

Before you criticize anyone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.

Don't worry. It is only kinky the first time.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them work.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

We are born naked, wet and hungry and get slapped in the ass. Then things get worse.