Saturday, January 27, 2018

Derf-63 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2018

A Derf groupie checking out his Hummer.
So far this year, no one is sharing the wealth! Only two winners so far as Derf-63 wins two in a row!

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Absea98
4th - GMOgolf
5th - Jb1974x
Bubble - T3chlady

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 38th NPP victory!



Beerhog was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." 
Beerhog says "Okay, let's get started."

Now it's all about the institution of marriage:

Why do divorces cost men so much?
They're worth it. 

NEVER get married. Simply find a woman that you hate and give her your house. A much less painful process.
At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your show dog, he is dead.

"My prized beagle? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that dog. What did he die from?

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead too?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief,
so I shot her with your new Kreighoff Limited Edition Custom Gold Engraved Trap Special
with the custom-made Wenig Exhibition Grade Stock. "

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG SILENCE..............

"Ernesto, if you scratched that shotgun, you're in deep shit."

Friday, January 19, 2018

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2018

Everyone cheers Derf-63's poker talents.
Derf-63 returns to the Winner's Circle for the 1st time this year. Faldo prediction: it will not be the last.
Derf had to fight thru several players with monster stacks to win tonight. Nice come from behind victory Derf!

2nd - Tigercub8189
3rd - LittleRedElf
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - 95corolla

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 37th NPP victory.

Now for a little humor:



No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between
 COMPLETE and FINISHED. 
However, Faldo did come up with the answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. 
But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. 
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

Another public service from Faldo.
 
A wife texts her husband on a cold winter ’s morning:  "Windows frozen, won 't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really screwed up now.”

“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. Then the world will produce a generation of idiots.” – Albert Einstein. 
Faldo texts:      OMG!  :-(

Women say men cannot be faithful. That is FALSE! Men have been know to be in love with the same woman for over 10 years sometimes! But if the man's wife ever finds out about it, she'll kill him!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all Faldo credit cards but he won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than Faldo's wife did.

Faldo and his wife always hold hands when they walk together. If Faldo lets go, she shops.

Friday, January 12, 2018

Faldo's State of the Union Address - 2018 - Part I - Race Relations

My fellow Americans, what a year.

The election of Donald Trump has been the peeling back of the mask of patriotism the "progressives", "liberals", "Democrats" and main stream media always held up in front of their treasonous acts.

Being completely unhinged by the loss of the slam dunk candidate Crooked Hilary, the Democrats (read communists, socialists, liberals, progressives, main stream media, i.e. unmasked traitors) exposed themselves and their real plans for this country.

Now out in the open for all to see is:
  • The main stream media actually tells the Democrat Party what to DO and SAY rather they just reporting on what they do and say.
  • The schools and colleges in this country teach a socialist / communist doctrine and shut down conservative, capitalist and American values with repression, censorship and violence if necessary.
  • Our government has been filled by the Democrats with un-elected communist/socialist appointees all thru our court system and government agencies and they are actively working to rig our elections and justice system.
  • The Democrats want our country filled with non-Americans for the purpose of giving them welfare JUST to add to their voting block.
  • The FBI and the Department of Justice of the United States openly attempted to first pardoned a crook and traitor named Hillary Clinton, second, tried to rig the election for Hillary Clinton and third created, accepted, promoted and leaked completely false materials in order to impeach and discredit an elected President. 
  • The Democrats and a majority (Faldo estimate) of Americans who happen to be black (AWBB)- are really communist anarchists simply trying to use race to destroy our republic.
Faldo will deal with the last one first.

Faldo is not a bigot. Faldo was taught better than that as a child by his parents.

Also - as a kid in school in Boston and Detroit - Faldo was actually the victim of actual real race discrimination twice. Once because Faldo has Italian ancestry, Faldo was made fun of and shunned by Irish classmates (in Boston) and in my Italian neighborhood because I was not "Italian enough" - being a "half-breed" Italian - (in Detroit). Faldo has also "been accused" negatively or "questioned" positively about being Mexican, Chaldean, Arab or Muslim at one time or another by those groups really asking if they should like me or not, based on my answer.

Faldo was never accused of being Jewish however. And Faldo thinks that's prejudice. Do Jewish people think Faldo is not worthy of being Jewish? Faldo is offended and therefore - a victim again!

For the record Faldo is Russian/Italian Catholic/Lutheran/Protestant by birth and upbringing, Protestant when Faldo was dating and Catholic by dating and marriage. Yes, a mixture of religions, but God and Faldo are good with that.

Faldo is an Italian/Russian with a multi-religious background. Talk about being a true minority - Faldo is it!

The bottom line here is that there are - and always will be - bigots in every race, creed color or religious group. That is just a fact. Accept that fact and move on. You don't have to participate in it.

Now that Faldo has cleared the decks and established the premise that Faldo knows what it is to be the victim of prejudice from both the race and religious side, let Faldo lay some truth on you:

The majority of the Americans Who Happen to Be Black (AWBB) are the third biggest problem in the United States of America. They are just behind 1) any person who votes or calls themselves Democrats (same as a communist and traitor) and 2) terrorist Muslims and peaceful Muslims not turning in terrorists.

The reason for this rating, according to Faldo, is that there is a majority of AWBB's who are trying to destroy the United States. There are some AWBB's fighting for this country, fighting for the AWBB neighborhoods, fighting for the AWBB next generations and fighting the race-baiting AWBB Democrats. But it is not a large group of AWBB's fighting the Democrats. But the peaceful American Muslims have an even smaller number standing up to the radical Muslims - which is why Muslims are #2.

It's all about assimilation into the American Dream. Let's face facts. Its been over two hundred years and the AWBB's - as a group - still want to be seen as BLACK first and Americans second. They have their own music, fashion look, groups, organizations and colleges. All used to cement a person as "BLACK" first. Why? Faldo knows why.

AWBB's even have their own Democrat cities that Democrat AWBB's run, which are usually broke, run down and crime ridden. But somehow AWBB's blame it on the "white bigots" who are actually the ones keeping the AWBB Democrat cities afloat with their tax dollars and donations to charities. Faldo will say it - the AWBB's are now the racists.

Faldo doesn't tolerate racism. Racist jokes on race and religion - fine. Faldo can laugh at his or other stereotypes and not feel guilty in the least. It's a joke. Real racism - not a chance!

You get out of poverty by; Graduating high school, not doing drugs, not committing crimes, not having children before you get married and getting a job. Just simple common sense. But the majority of AWBB's don't do some or all of these things in "their cities" - to the Democrat Party's delight.

Faldo is calling for the AWBB's to "look in the mirror and make that change" (thank you Michael Jackson).

Throw off the chains of the Democrat Party who have been using you like a cheap hooker for over 60 years. Become Americans - not Blacks or even Black Americans. Be American and stand up and be proud to be an American.

If anyone thinks they are oppressed or a victim now, just wait until the Democrats get full control. Then you will see what real oppression looks like. It will make the starving North Korea look like a Sandals resort commercial.

History teaches us that every communist/dictator regime that takes over kills the people that put them in power - first! Keep that in mind all you AWBB's, teachers, professors. union leaders and main stream media useful idiots.

Faldo believes that the progress on race and bigotry made prior to Obama being elected is now being lost. The Democrats amped up division between every "group" and still do. And the majority of the AWBB's are assisting the Democrats. And it is starting to look like the AWBB's want it that way because it helps destroy the United States. The real non-racists and patriots of this nation have noticed.

You are not Faldo's enemy because of your color or religion. You are Faldo's enemy because you are trying to destroy the USA! 

Well are you a [fill in the blank with your favorite race or religion] or are you an American?

If you do not pick the latter, then you are a traitor and the enemy. Time to start dealing with this fact head on everyone. Minority racism against a perceived majority is still racism.

Until the next installment, God bless you and the United States of America.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Jb1974x Wins for the 2nd Time in a Row in 2018!

An NPP groupie accompanies JB in the NPP limo to the NPP after party.
Well its official boys and girls. We have yet another 'playa' here at NPP.

JB played in one tourney last year to get a feel for the players, and now is winning every tournament so far.

The rest of NPP is on notice....and in trouble.

We have to give a shout out to Dave the Dog and The Punk, who have returned to NPP after a long absence. Welcome back to the Everyone Crushes Faldo League.

Faldo meant welcome back to NPP guys.

2nd - Absea98
3rd - Rjmech
4th - Davethedog
Bubble - ThePunk75

Congratulations to Jb1974x on his 2nd NPP win!

Now some advice for retired husbands and soon to be retired husbands:

"It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. It is just a fact. Live with it.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. It's annoying, but you have to be supportive. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done, before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods than she used to. She had to take a break, when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man... I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.


I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much patience and consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. 

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less critcism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.



Faldo believes this is fine advice!

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Jb1974x Wins for the 1st Time in 2018

JB cannot escape the groupies at the NPP beach resort.
Jb1974x wins the first tournament of 2018 against a very large and a very impressive line-up. JB also wins in only his 2nd NPP event. So, another player to fear joins NPP. Good luck to us all.

2nd - Tigercub8189
3rd - LittleRedElf
4th - GMOgolf
5th - T3chlady
Bubble - KingBing420

Congratulations to Jb1974x on his 1st NPP win, being the 79th player to win at NPP and welcome to the Walk of Fame!

Now a scoring system from Douge2:


In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. ...
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-30)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-15)


PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+2)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-30)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-20)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)


HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-5)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-8)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-20)


A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+10)
You take her to a movie you like. (-10)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-23)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-35)


YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say to her, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)


THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what.)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-40)


COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+15)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+50)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-400)


Guys can never WIN!

Monday, January 01, 2018

2018 NPP Tuesday Poker League Starts January 2nd - Be There!

Holidays are over. Back to the salt mines everyone.
Another season is upon us so let's have a big turnout.

Just as a warning Faldo will NOT take it easy on you this year. He plans at least one 5th place finish in one tournament this year. You have been warned!

Here is how you get into the best poker league on the internet:

1. Sign up on Pokerstars.net
2. Go to the Home Games Tab
3. Find Niks Poker Palace (club # 41614)
4. Request to join
5. Email the club at Npokerp@yahoo.com and give Faldo your Name and screen name.
6. Faldo will approve your membership and you are in!
7. Get ready to face the nicest players, but the toughest players on PokerStars.

You play here and hold your own, you  can play anywhere. True that!

See you on Tuesdays!