Saturday, August 27, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 4th Time in 2016 - and Two in a Row!

Derf-63 wins two! One right next to the other.
Derf-63 is certainly making a move in the 3rd quarter to get a seat in the NPP final. Faldo thinks everyone knows that if Faldo wins the 3rd Quarter, the person in 2nd place also gets a seat in the final! So that is more incentive to be near the top if by some miracle Faldo hangs on to the lead.

Faldo did fail the last two quarters to do that. So, there's that.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - Absea98
Bubble - Theedouble*d

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 27th NPP win!

Now some more reasons why a dog is better than a wife:

13. Dogs like to go hunting.

14. If you bring another dog home, your dog is happy to play with both of you.

15. A dog will not wake you up when you are trying to go to sleep to ask you, "If I die, will you get another dog?"

16. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

17. A dog will not hold out on you until it gets a new car.

18. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it is interesting.

19. On a car trip, your dog never insists running the car heater.

20. Dogs don't let magazine articles run their lives.

21. Dogs don't let magazine article quizzes make them mad at you.

22. When your dog gets old and sick, you can have it put to sleep.

23. Dogs like to ride in the back seat naked.

24. Dogs don't ever want to go to Neiman-Marcus.

25. If your dog leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Three cheers for Derf-63's three wins this year!
Derf-63 gets back in the 3rd quarter race with his win over a small field of ten.

The end of summer is quite often a bit of a lull in attendance for the tourney. But, the NPP table will heat up again soon, so sign up and get in here for the exciting conclusion to the NPP season and the 'playoffs' in December!

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - Tomnservo

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 26th NPP win!

Now the Part I list on why dogs are Man's best friend!

Why dogs are better than wives:

1. The later you are coming home, the happier they are to see you.

2. Dogs don't mind if you play with other dogs.

3. If another dog is gorgeous, your dog won't hate it.

4. Your dog won't even notice if you call it by another dog's name.

5. Your dog likes it if you leave your clothes on the floor.

6. A dog's parents never visit.

7. Dogs do their snooping outside and not in your wallet, phone or internet browser history.

8. Dogs don't hate their bodies or hide their body from you.

9. Dogs can't talk and therefore never nag.

10. Dogs enjoy getting petted in public.

11. A dog is always ready to leave when you are.

12. Your dog doesn't care or thinks you are amusing when you are drunk.

Part II next week! Yes, there are a lot of reasons dogs are man's best friend!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Tomservo2 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

We all have a big fight on our hands when Tomservo2 is at the table.
Tomservo2 - Mr. Slow and Steady - takes over the lead in the 3rd quarter race for a seat in the NPP Final.

Tom is always "hanging around, hanging around. The man has alligator blood!"

This will make for an exiting race the rest of the quarter.

2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - T3chlady
4th - Derf-63
Bubble - who else? Mikeniks-Faldo

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 20th NPP win!

Now for some questions that keep Faldo up at night. Well, to clarify - questions that keep him from falling asleep.

 Why do toasters even have settings that burn a piece of bread into charred flakes?

Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist if they want to know the time, but not to their crotches when they have to go to the bathroom?

Why does Pluto the dog remain on all fours but Goofy the dog is able to stand straight up?

What do they call male ballerinas?

If Wylie Coyote has the money to buy all that Acme junk, why not just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from veggies, what is baby oil made from?

If you absentmindedly prick your finger and no one is ashamed of you, why are they if you absentmindedly do the opposite?

PS: Sorry for the delay in posting. Sometimes life gets in the way of poker.

Thursday, August 04, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 7th Time in 2016


ThePunk75 wins one for each tournament in the streak!
Well, he is wiping the floor with the NPP line up right now. ThePunk75 has won 6 of the last nine tournaments! Just a dominating performance.

What he is doing with his winning streak, is keeping the race for the 3rd quarter seat in the NPP final close for the mortal players.

With ThePunk winning most tournaments, no other player can pull away from the pack. And since ThePunk already has his seat wrapped up, it's not helping or hurting him.

Well, it's helping since he is winning PS chips.

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 31st NPP tournament win!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - T3chlady
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tigercub8189

Now a story from the Dating Files:

A woman meets an absolutely handsome man at a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they leave together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf that runs all the way around the lower part of the wall of the room. On a shelf a middle of way up the wall, medium size teddy bears wrap around the room. On the top shelf, large and enormous bears go around the room.

The woman is surprised that this strong handsome man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially so many expensive ones. But she decides not to mention this to him and actually is quite impressed with this gentleman's sensitive side.

She turns to him and they kiss. Then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot passionate love. After an intense night of passion, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

She rolls over, smiles and asks the man in a cute way, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf." 


Thursday, July 28, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 6th Time in 2016

Fabiana waits for ThePunk75 on the Winner's Circle
Well, its finally official. ThePunk75 has been playing on another level than the rest of us this year.
All of the hard work and dedication to poker is paying off here at NPP.

ThePunk is a regular at cash games, charity poker games and the casino scene for poker. The knowledge and practice of hours at real felt has make him the 'main man' at NPP!

ThePunk75 just passed "The Legend" - LittleRedElf for the lead in total NPP tournament wins.

This is a feat that Faldo never saw anyone doing!

To be fair to the Elf, he is playing poker at NPP right now, while - at the same time - bowling in his league!

But, to also be fair, ThePunk misses a lot of tournaments at NPP due to coaching duties with his sons.

In any event, these two are at the top - and right now - there is a new sheriff in town and his name is ThePunk75!

2nd - 95corolla
3rd - T3chlady
4th - Theedouble*d
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 30th NPP win!

Now, some strange facts about the USA:

In more than half the states in the country, a college football coach is the highest paid public employee.

Half of all Americans don't save a penny of their paychecks. Half don't have any emergency provisions either.

Apple has more money than the US Treasury.

Alaska has a longer coastline than the rest of the United States put together.

When the Democrat War on Poverty with LBJ started in the 1960's:
- 10% of all children grew up in single parent homes. Now it is 35%
- less than 5% of children were born out of wedlock. Now it is 40%
- the poverty rate for US households was 6.8%. Now it is 37%
Say thank you to a Democrat voter.

Almost 70% of the bachelor degrees in the USA go to women. So when these Liberal Arts, Cultural Diversity Studies, Women's Studies and Environmental Studies women with degrees ask you if you want fries with that - or use their welfare stamps - show them respect. Even though they are defaulting on their student loans that total about a half a million dollars.

Still, 75% of women said 'a steady job' is the #1 thing they look for in a man when dating. So much for feminists.

20 percent of the garbage in US landfills is food. Don't believe the lies about hunger in this country.

Montana has three times as many cows as it does people.

The Grizzly Bear is the official symbol of California. Much like a sane individual, a grizzly bear has not inhabited California since 1922.

The state with the most millionaires is Maryland.

If you are not in debt and have $10 in your pocket, you are richer than 40% of the people in this country. When you consider that half of the country is getting some kind of a government handout - what would you expect?

By the time a child reaches the age of 18, they will have seen 45,000 murders on television or movies. Much much higher if they play video games.




Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Faldo Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

Hey.....who took this unauthorized picture of Faldo using his camera?
Is there a full moon out tonight or something? Uh........yes there was!

Something was going on as Faldo got some hot... HOT cards tonight, allowing him to build a big chip lead in the middle of the tournament and hold on for the victory over a field of 13 players.

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble -  KingBing420

The bubble means that you finish JUST out of the points earned in the NPP race.

That is usually where Faldo ends up too.

And now a classic "Little Johnnie" story:

Little Johnnie is at the playground with his mom when he sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into a nearby woods.

Curious, Johnnie heads into the woods to follow the car. He sees Daddy and his Aunt Jane in a passionate hug. He watches for a while as Daddy and Aunt Jane get out of the car and lay in the secluded grassy area.

Little Johnnie can't wait to share what he saw with his Mother and he sprints back to the playground.

"Mommy, Mommy - I was in the woods and I saw Daddy's car and it was Daddy and ........"

His Mother cuts him off and tells him to slow down and tell her the whole story slowly.

So Johnnie explains how he saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in the woods kissing. Then he saw Daddy helping Aunt Jane off with her shirt. And then Aunt Jane helped Daddy off with his pants. And then Aunt Jane and Daddy laid down on the grass and ......

His mother cut him off again and said, "Johnnie, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save it and you can tell me the rest of of it - but from the beginning - at dinnertime. I want your Dad to hear it too, ok?"

At the dinner table, with his Mother's permission, Johnnie starts and tells the same story about his Dad driving into the woods with Aunt Jane, the kissing, the undressing, the laying down on the grass.....and then he continued...

"Then Daddy and Aunt Jane started doing what you and Uncle Bill did when Daddy was away on that long hunting trip last year."

Friday, July 15, 2016

If You Vote Democrat - You Are To Blame for Everything. Period.

The truth hurts.

Liberalism is responsible for every problem in this country - Period.

Every cesspool in this nation is Democrat controlled - be it a city or our school system.

Nearly every Democrat politician is a crook, traitor or a racist - or all three.

Every terrorist attack is the fault of a Democrat voter - who elected weak, politically correct, or cowardly politicians - or a Muslim sympathizer - like Barrack Insane Obama.

Every police killing and cop killing is the fault of the Democrat Party. They have destroyed the Americans Who Happen to be Black family and their belief in the American Dream, simply for political power. The Democrat Part is the new plantation - who have the AWHB poor and helpless without government handouts. It was done on purpose.

The Democrat Party has destroyed our education system, who now teach our children communist mantra instead of the 3R's - and our children are now dumber than dirt compared to children in the rest of the world.

Our children have been taught at your neighborhood school to hate their country, their race in the case of White kids, to feel helpless in the case of Black kids, and to embrace your culture from other countries in the case of immigrant children - legal or illegal.

Democrats have flooded our nation with illegal aliens. Why? There is only one reason for this, based on the truth listed above. It is to undermine our American capitalist system, our Constitution and to bury this nation in people needing government assistance - and therefore Democrat voters - legal or not. For that matter - alive or not.

The Democrats have a liar, crook, communist, racist, narcissist, traitor and Muslim sympathizer in the White House now.

Their replacement is a liar, crook, communist, narcissist, traitor and weak re-tread, who has more scandals behind her than any politician in history.

The Republican Party has seen the writing on the wall and are acting like the chicken that wants to be the last one eaten by the wolf - instead of challenging the wolf.

We have one candidate that is talking like he will fight the wolf. Faldo does not see it happening. Even if elected - Trump will find the same situation Jesse Ventura discovered when he won a governorship as an independent. BOTH parties were against him and he could not get any meaning repairs done.

History repeats itself.

This article was not a call to vote for Trump - although Faldo will.

It is to state plainly that the blame for the fall of the United States of America and all the terror, killings, starvation and blight that will follow is the fault of every Democrat voter. Period.

Democrats are not to be tolerated any more than an armed, bomb-loaded terrorist. The only difference between the two is that one will kill you faster. In that respect, a terrorist is actually more merciful than a Democrat voter.

Faldo

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Tomservo2 Wins for the First Time in 2016

Tomservo2 has a nice cheering section.
Tomservo2 beat a field of 16 players to win for the first time this year. And the wily NPP veteran puts himself in the 3rd quarter race with this win. He also moves up on the NPP Walk of Fame - passing retired legend 7Jokers.

2nd - Derf-63
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - ThePunk75
5th - Smaloo315
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 19th NPP win!

Now for some knowledge:

42.7% of all statistics are made up.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know - are below average.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drink way too much to worry about cholesterol.

If everything seems to be going good, you obviously overlooked something.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

.........And now a fall joke a little early.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets in the cab and the driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he says, "I have a question but I don't want to offend you sister."

She says, "You won't offend me. When you are as old as I am, you hear just about everything. Please ask your question."

The man blurts out, "Well I have always had a fantasy of kissing a nun passionately."

The nun thinks for a minute and says, "Well maybe I will allow it if you are #1, a catholic and #2 you must be single."

The man gets very excited and says, "Yes I am both of those!"

The nun says, "Very well. Pull into the next alley where we won't be seen."

The cabbie does just that, jumps into the back seat and he and the nun have a long, passionate kiss that would make a hooker blush!

But when it's over and they are back driving, suddenly the cabbie starts softly crying. By the time they get to the nun's stop, he is crying uncontrollably.

The nun gets out but leans back in, throws the fee and a small tip in the passenger seat and asks why he is crying so hard.

The cabbie says in a shattered voice, "I LIED. I am Jewish and ...I am married!"

The nun says, "That's ok. I'm not really a nun. My name is Kevin and I am on my way to a Halloween Party."


Thursday, July 07, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 5th Time in 2016

ThePunk75 wins ......5 times over.
ThePunk75 is playing at another level than the rest of us - with the possible exception of The Elf himself.

ThePunk75 busted Faldo with the 1st hand of the night and - even with those unlucky chips in his stack - goes on to beat a 14 player field.

Again, ThePunk75 is wearing out the NPP field -even though he has already earned a seat in the 2016 NPP Final.  Winners just keep winning!

2nd - 95corolla
3rd - LittleRedElf
4th - Derf-63
Bubble - KingBing420

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 29th NPP win!

Now for some more Zen for you:

Some days you are the bug and other days you are the windshield.

Don't worry. It only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgement comes from a bad experience. And a lot of bad experiences comes from bad judgement.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two theories to arguing with women, and neither of them work.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

We are born naked, wet, hungry and then get our ass slapped......then things get worse.

The way to make a small fortune betting the horses is to start with a large fortune.

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until you do succeed.

AND THEN THERE IS THIS:

A sweet little girl - who happens to have a lisp - walks into a pet store and asks the shopkeeper,

"Excuthe me misthter? Do you have wittle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper squats down so he is eye level with the pretty little girl and says,

"Yes we do sweetheart. Do you want the little white wabbit over there? Or the fuzzy black wabbit over there? Or maybe the wittle brown wabbit over there?"

The little leans forward toward the shopkeeper and in a quiet voice says, "I don't think my pyfon weally gives a phuck."

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

The United States of America - Presumed Dead in 2011 - Declared Dead in 2016

Its official - The United States of America and the Constitution that beat in it's chest, was officially declared dead July 5th, 2016.

Although thought to be dead in November 2011 after the re-election of the anti-American communist Barack Hussein Obama, there were many who believed the USA was not dead, but merely in a coma it could not quite wake up from.

No such illusion exists now as now - as we accepted the fact that the USA's brain died in 2008, the heart has officially expired exactly one day after it's 240th birthday.

Let's go thru the health history of the United States:

Born with a strong will for individual independence and freedom, the USA had a strong and healthy heart called the Constitution.

Although the creators of this heart said at it's birth that it would only last 200 years, many scoffed at the idea that the best heart of a nation EVER created by man - written with the hand of GOD - could ever quit beating.

But as time goes on chronic ills, injuries, germs, bacteria, viruses and cancers - also known as Democrats and liberals - constantly attack a healthy body until it dies of communism and fascism.

The onset of the United States first sickness was the Cholera Epidemic in 1920 - also known as the passing of the 19th Amendment. This gave women the right to vote and granting the Democrats a majority voting block for the rest of the country's life.

Even though some women rise above it, instinctively women want security over freedom. Democrats know this and use it every chance they get. Democrats know if you promise - just promise - to give women and their children things - they will vote for you.

Our nation has had diarrhea of the mouth (gimmie, gimmie, gimme) ever since.

This diarrhea weakened the USA for the next disease called the New Deal in 1932 by the Democrat FDR. This included government socializing many businesses and handing out a retirement benefit known as Social Security. Now even though it was a Democratic scheme to collect more taxes since it was thought at the time not very many would live long to collect, this Polio crippled our nation's desire for work. After all, you had a pot of government gold waiting for you when you 'retired'.

The USA stayed strong for a while because world wars kept Democrats from being able to destroy from within. So they patiently waited - even murdering one of their own (Kennedy) - so they could bring in the Small Pox of LBJ's New Society of 1964. The women diarrhea carriers welcomed the welfare with open arms! (Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie).

The Democrats then caused the loss of the Vietnam War in 1975, giving the USA malaria.

The election of Jimmie Carter in 1976 gave the USA Ebola on top of that! But the USA fought back with the antibiotics, vaccines and sulfa of Ronald Reagan in 1980 to regain it's strength - temporarily.

The USA suffered a heart attack in September 2001and never fully recovered.

Oh, it got on the mend somewhat, even out of the ER for a while. But the tiger that was the USA was now shown to the world to be made of paper - and much thinner paper than an emergency room hospital gown cotton.

AIDS attacked the USA in 2008 with the election of a president with a terrorist's name. This 'diversity' was supposed to heal all wounds and cure all diseases, but all it did was make the USA weaker and susceptible to every disease a Democrat could infect a county with.

The old aspirin and penicillin called Republicans never even left the medicine cabinet. Matter of fact, they became an influenza to assist in drowning of the USA in a painful pneumonia.

The worse forms of every cancer - at a Stage 4 level - attacked the USA in 2012 as Barrack Hussein Obama stole a second term after torturing the USA and its Constitution non stop for four years. Democrats other places had also done that for four years, but a majority were cured by some Republican radiation.

But the relief was short-lived as this radiation seemed to develop an extremely short half-life and disappeared from the body without a trace - very shortly after being injected.

This allowed this cancer concoction known as Democrat Party to take over the USA mind and body completely. The soul, body, mind and heart of the United States of America is now dead. Completely dead.

Death was confirmed today as Hillary Clinton was found to be guilty of treason, but will be allowed to be the next president of a rotting corpse. Democrats love rot. Their power comes from the decay they create.

Faldo will drink heavily at the wake of his country. Now Faldo knows how the regular German citizens felt during the rise of Adolf Hitler. They knew it was the beginning of the end, but were powerless to stop it.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 4th Time in 2016

Miesha Tate - another winner - waits for ThePunk75 in the NPP Lounge.
ThePunk75 didn't need to win it.....but he did. Winners just do what they do.

It is nice that our already clinched seat holders to stay involved, stay focused and keep the tournament 'real'. This type of commitment to the Palace means you always have to earn your seat in an NPP Final.

That is just the type of people we have at NPP.

ThePunk75 defeats a field of 15 players.

2nd - Theedouble*d
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - GMOgolf
5th - Smaloo
Bubble - T3chlady

On our country's 240th birthday, I won't go where I want to go - and talk about how Thomas Jefferson said that our Republic and Constitution would last only 200 years. And that the joke is on him - we lasted 224 years. The idiot was way off.

No - I will keep it light. If fact, I will give you a dose of soothing Zen:

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk in front of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me - just leave me the hell alone.

It's always darkest before for the dawn. So if you are going to steal vegetables from your neighbor's garden, that is the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you are not getting any.

Always remember - you are unique. Just like everyone else.

If you think no one cares if you live or die - try not paying your bills for a few months.

Before you criticize anyone, you must walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes as a bonus.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for the day. Teach a man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see them again - it was worth it.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

KingBing420 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

KingBing420 derailed the rest of the field!
She beat a field of fourteen and takes the early lead in the 3rd quarter for the 3rd seat in the NPP Finals.

Mikeniks-Faldo got a run of cards late to scoot him into 2nd spot this evening - after losing a hard fought battle to Bing heads up. But with his 2nd place points - he takes the Total Points lead away from T3chlady - who is off doing poker battle in a little known place called - Las Vegas.

3rd - Absea98
4th - Johnnied55
Bubble - Derf-63

Congratulations to KingBing420 for her 5th NPP win!

A return of Just for Men jokes (shocker I know):

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. The woman should open the beer before delivering it to the man.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink when doing dishes.

How do you know when a woman is finally going to say something smart?
The sentence starts off with "A man once told me......"

What is the best make of watch to buy a woman?
None. There is a clock on the stove. She doesn't need a watch.

What do you call a woman who has 95% of her intellegence?
Divorced.

Scientists discovered the food that destroys a woman's sex drive.
It's called wedding cake.

My wife and I's last fight was all my fault.
She asked me what was on TV - and I said "dust".

God created man and rested.
Then God created woman - and neither God or man has rested since.

A man put an ad in the paper that said "Wife wanted".
He got thousands of replies all saying the same thing - "Take mine!"

Why are women's wedding dresses white?
So the dishwasher matches the stove.

Now some of you might think that this a childish list put on this site by a sore loser who lost to a woman in heads up poker play.........But, ......well........er...........ummmmmm..........Faldo's got to go.....ummm..... change the oil in his car.........yeah, that's it....change the oil.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016 - Douge2 Wins the 2nd Quarter Seat!

ThePunk75 left the NPP field bloodied but not defeated!
ThePunk75 got a rare time out from his kid's baseball coaching, to show up and push the eleven person NPP field around this evening. ThePunk already has his seat in the NPP Finals because he won the 1st quarter!

ThePunk's victory gave the absent Douge2 the 2nd quarter seat. T3chlady gave it a shot but came up a mere .47 of a point away from unseating Douge2. It was an exciting finish. The 3rd Quarter starts next week - so be here.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - T3chlady
Bubble - 95corolla

T3chlady did pick up some points and kept the Total Point lead. Tough break on the 2nd quarter Lady.

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 27th NPP win! And congratulations to Douge2 on his 2nd Quarter win and having a seat in the NPP Finals!

Sometimes ......just sometimes..... Faldo stirs up the Battle of the Sexes - just for fun. Sometimes the Ladies have responses and comebacks to the Faldo tweeks. Here are some:

Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, full - bodied, hot and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and usually head right for your hips.

Men are like blenders. You need one but you are not really sure why.

Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like copiers. You need them for reproduction....and that is about it.

Men are like curling irons. They are always hot and always in your hair.

Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like high heels. They are easy to walk on once you learn how.

Men are like lawn mowers. You are either pushing one around or riding it.

Men are like lava lamps. Nice to look at but not very bright.

Men are like noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste and need dough.

Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are impossible to find or extremely small.

Men are like toilet plungers. They are either in the hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like place mats. They only show up when food is on the table.

Men are like used cars. Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Men are like the weather. You can complain about it, but nothing can be done to change either one.

Men are like snowstorms. You never know for sure when they are coming, how many inches you will get or how long they will last.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

Derf-63 wins ......two.
Derf-63 gets his second victory of the 2nd quarter and year, but he doesn't have enough points to be a factor this quarter. More later.

2nd - Johnnied55
3rd - Absea98
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
5th - 95corolla
Bubble - T3chlady

There are only two players who can win the 2nd quarter and that is the Leader - Douge2 and the one in 2nd place - T3chlady.

The bubble finish for The Lady did not help.

But poker players give no one mercy and the Total Point Race still has a half a year to go.

So, next week we will all be trying to win and where Douge2 and T3chlady finish is up to them - and the cards.

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 25th NPP win!

As I write this, it was just announced that the great hockey player Gordie Howe just died at age 88.

To tell you what this man means to people in Hockey Town, I have a nephew who's middle name is Gordon - after the Great #9.

Faldo has his own story concerning Gordie Howe. Here it is:
Gordie and some others were giving a clinic for beginner hockey players and they were on the ice prior to a Faldo league hockey game.

Faldo and his teammates watched #9 move smoothly and gracefully over the ice, even in his 50's. Heck, he was still playing - or just finally retired in his mid 50's.

Anyway, we retired to our locker room to dress. When we came out and lined up to jump on the ice, the Zamboni was still cleaning the ice. As we waited for the Zamboni to finish, Faldo noticed that Gordie was sitting on our bench!

Now he was not in the bench, but perched on the dasher with his skated in our bench, resting on the actual bench. People were hanging out over the half-plexiglass behind our bench getting autographs and taking pictures of Gordie as he signed whatever they handed him.

Finally, the Zamboni finished and our Captain opened the door and my team started onto the ice to warm up prior to our game. As Faldo got close to the door, Faldo made a right turn into the bench - rather than jumping on the ice.

Faldo walked up to Gordie Howe and said, "How is it going Gordie. Long time no see!", and Faldo reached out to shake his hand. He extended his hand with a slightly confused look on his face.
As we shook hands, Faldo turned to the crowd and said, "Folks, Faldo can only stay for a few pictures and then Faldo has to go."

With that, Faldo put his arm around Gordie Howe and turned to the crowd. The flash bulbs were a poppin as fast as they could push their little camera buttons!

After a minute or so, Faldo put up his hand and said, "Sorry folks, but my teammates are waiting. Good to see you Gord. Later."

With that, Faldo jumped over the boards and started skating with his teammates, skating as fast as possible and doing crossovers and skating backwards and anything else Faldo could do to look like he knew what he was doing out there.

The flashbulbs were now still on Faldo, and Gordie Howe was occasionally glancing over his shoulder trying to figure out where he had met Faldo before.

My teammates skated by me and asked, "Do you really know Gordie?" And Faldo assured them he did.

After the game, Faldo had to fess up that the closest he ever was to Gordie Howe before that moment was that my mother got his autograph for me once in a restaurant they were both eating in.

Gordie Howe was gracious at all times to all people. Faldo tries to emulate Gordie.

Rest in peace #9.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Absea98 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Blair O'Neil says Absea98 has 'game'.
Absea98 was low in chips most of the round, but caught fire late - cooled again - and then re-fired to win for the first time this year. Nice job Absea98.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - 95corolla
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - GMOgolf

T3chlady expands her Total Point lead, and creeps into Douge2 range. This will make the last two weeks of the 2nd round very interesting!

GMOgolf just missed the points this evening.

Congratulations to Absea98 on his 14th NPP win!

Now some t-shirt slogans in Faldo's drawer:

"Real Men Don't Waste Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of my Attorney; My t-shirt Carries No Message at This Time"

"Procrastinate .....NOW!"

"Kentucky - Millions of People - 15 Last Names"

"Where There is a Will......I Want to be in It"

"It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was Already Taken"

"Hard Work Pays Off Later.....Laziness Pays Off Immediately"

"The original 'point and click' interface was a Smith and Remmington"

"My Wild Oats Have Turned into Shredded Wheat"

"Listen Woman - Tell Your Chest to Stop Staring at My Eyes"

(Actually on Faldo's Golf Hat) "Save the Country - Repeal the 19th Amendment"

Saturday, May 28, 2016

LittleRedElf Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Three cheers for the Elf's 3rd win of 2016!
The Elf is on a roll again, and that is bad news for the rest of the NPP'ers.

He takes over the Total Points Lead and moves closer to having a shot at running down Douge2 for the 2nd Quarter lead for a seat in the NPP Finals.

2nd - T3chlady
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - Tigercub8189
5th - Douge2
Bubble - Absea98

The race is tightening up slightly in the 2nd quarter, but unless someone wins the rest of the rounds - and has some current leaders come up empty, it looks like Douge2, T3chlady and the Elf are the only ones still in contention for the 2nd Quarter seat.

No worries. There are two more quarters left and 2 seats available with the Total Points race. Not to mention the Tournament of Champion winner (or closest runner up that doesn't win that tournament) seat.

So keep playing and practicing - and earning points.

Congratulations to the LittleRedElf on his Walk of Fame leading 29th NPP win!

As some of you may know, Faldo has started his own one man company. There are some problems with that because the CEO is a jerk and the employee is lazy. But, it had to be done.

Here are some of Faldo's ex-supervisor's comments on his past Employee Evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom ....and started to dig!"
"This employee is really not so much as a has-been, but more of a never will be."
"Works well under constant supervision."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This guy has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal performance goals and then fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village of an idiot somewhere."
"This employee is striving to go far......and he should be ask to start that trip NOW."
"He doesn't have ulcers...but he is a carrier."
"He brings joy whenever he leaves a room."
"If his IQ ever reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored ....he is the other one."
"If he was any dumber, he would have to be watered twice a week."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He barely gargled."
"The wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead."

All Faldo can say to that is "Faldo refuses to work for a company that would hire his type as an employee." So there!

And thank you to our loyal readers as this site has passed 150,000 hits!

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Smaloo315 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Ladies Night at NPP!
Smaloo315 is a lady from Michigan - living in Ohio - and is a poker rookie. But she bested eleven of NPP veterans this evening.

At the final table she seemed to 'change gears' and confuse her challengers. Being a little inexperienced - and therefore unpredictable - is a powerful weapon.

It also seemed to be "Ladies Night" at NPP as 3 of the top 4 spots were won by the Ladies of NPP! Girl Power!

2nd - T3chlady (and takes the overall point lead!)
3rd - Absea98
Bubble - Suetman123

Smaloo315 was the 77th player to win an NPP tournament and the 10th lady to do it.

Congratulations to Smaloo315 on her 1st NPP win - and welcome to the Walk of Fame!

Now a list of classes offered - for women - this fall at Faldo University:

Silence, The Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
The Unknown Side of Banking: Making Deposits
Why You Don't Need New Shoes Everyday
Attending Parties WITHOUT a New Outfit
Advanced Class: Wearing Clothes More Than Once
Discovering How to Do Housework When the Game is not On.
Bathroom Etiquette: His Razor is His.
Introduction to Parking
PMS: Your Problem - Not His
Sex - It's for Married Couples Too
Oil and Gas: A Car Needs Both
TV Remotes: For Men Only
Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First
Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking - It Can Be Done
Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
Communication Skills IV: How Not to Ask Stupid Questions that Force Men to Lie
Communication Skills V: Stopping the Urge to Bring up the Past
Communication Skills VI: Successful Non-Verbal Communication - Why Nudity Will Work for You

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

LittleRedElf Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

LittleRedElf .....wins two!
The Elf is at it again. He is starting to get on a roll and is making the 2nd quarter seat fight interesting!

We had 16 players this Tuesday and the Elf out - maneuvered them all.

2nd - Tomservo2 (always a force at the felt)
3rd - GMOgolf - (also making a 'quiet' run)
4th - T3chlady - (also playing well)
5th - Suetman123 (back after some time off)
Bubble - Rjmech (visiting when golf allows)

See you next Tuesday and lets hope the race get even more interesting.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his NPP leading 28th win!

And now a true biblical story that somehow did not make the Editor's cut in the Bible:

In the beginning:

God created the donkey and told him, "You will work constantly from dusk til dawn. You will carry heavy loads on your back. You will live for 50 years."

The donkey answered, "To live that long and working that hard will just be too much. Please give me no more than 20 years Lord." And it was so.

God created the dog and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man. you will eat scraps and leftovers from his table and live for 25 years."

The dog answered, "Lord, 25 years is too much to live like that. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.

God created the monkey and told him, "You shall act like an idiot. You will act funny and make funny faces. You will live for 20 years."

The monkey answered, "Please Lord. That is not a great existence. Let it be only 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, the Lord created a man and told him, "You are a man. You are the ONLY rational thing on this planet. You will have intelligence and hold mastery over all the creatures of the Earth. You will dominate the Earth and you will live 20 years."

And the Man asked, "Lord, may I live longer than 20 years? I am the dominate creature on the planet and to only live 20 years is just to little time. May I have the years the mule, dog and monkey turned down please?" And it was so.

So God allowed the Man to live 20 years as a man.

Then he marries and lives 30 years as a mule working and carrying loads on his back.

Then he has children and lives 15 years like a dog guarding his dwelling and eating only the scraps left over from the family meal.

Then in his old age, he lives 10 years as a monkey - making faces to entertain his grandchildren and acting like a idiot.

And it is so.


Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Another Derf-63 fan prepares to thank him for making a move in the standings.
Derf-63 returned to the winners circle, beating a field of 13 players.

If Derf gets hot - which he has a habit of doing - he could make the 2nd quarter interesting.

2nd - KingBing420
3rd - T3chlady
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - LittleRedElf

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 24th NPP win!

Plenty of time to be a factor in the 2nd quarter. Be here next Tuesday.

Now for more Inspirational Posters:

"TEAMWORK.....it means never having to take all the blame yourself."
"The beatings will continue until moral improves."
"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."
"A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all."
"When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break."
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."
"Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment."
"Work: It's just not for sleeping anymore."

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Rjmech Wins for the First Time in 2016

Gemma Atkinson relaxes in Rjmech's NPP chair.
Everything old is new again. Rjmech shows up for the first time in 2016 and wins - as he has so often here at NPP.

Rjmech started the evening by disposing of Faldo. Somehow he survived and prospered even with these unlucky poison chips were in his stack. Nice job RJ!

2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - KingBing420
4th - LittleRedElf
5th - Smaloo315 (1st points at NPP - Congrats Smaloo!)
Bubble - Derf-63 (for the second week in a row. Ouch!)

Congratulations to Rjmech on his 20th NPP win. Welcome back RJ!

The 2nd quarter continues next week, and now that someone besides Douge2 won this quarter, we all might be able to get back in the race. But if RJ keeps showing up......maybe not.

Now here is a list of new Inspirational Posters:
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong eleven times before doing it right gives you job security."

"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing everyone who opposed them."

"We put the K in Kwality."

"If it doesn't feel good, you are not feeling the right things."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"A person who can smile when things are going wrong....was smart enough to have a scapegoat already lined up."

"If you can stay calm while there is chaos all around you .....then you just don't understand the situation."

"Plagiarism saves time."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together."

More next week.