Friday, September 30, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 5th Time in 2016

Irina Shayk waits for Derf-63 in the NPP lounge.
Derf-63 played aggressive all night, and hit the hands when needed. This win will get him back into the race for the 4th quarter seat in the NPP Final

2nd - T3chlady
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - Absea98

No one is running away with this quarter and there are plenty of rounds left. Do yourself a favor and settle in for some great poker action on Tuesday evening and be here at NPP on Pokerstars.net!

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 28th NPP win!

Now for some levity from Douge2:



A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. 

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man,” says his partner. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

.................................................................................................................


A hack golfer spent a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddie. 

Being a poor golfer, he played badly all day. Getting close to the end of his round, the golfer spotted a lake off to the left of the fairway.

He looked at the caddie and said, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”

The caddied looked back at him and said, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”

..................................................................................................................

Blue Lives Matter:

A police officer called his dispatcher from his radio:

"I have an interesting case here. A little old lady just shot her husband for walking on the floor she just finished mopping."

The dispatcher said, "Is the woman in custody? Do you need back-up."

The officer stated, "No she is not. And yes, I require back up. But they don't have to hurry. The floor won't be dry for a little while yet."

.......................................................................................................................

 



This guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf. 
 
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, and the dishes aren't done. 

I'm completely exhausted!  I didn't get enough sleep last night.   Can't you see I'm still in my f****** pajamas?? 

I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!   

Why the h*** did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid idiot?"

The man says, "Because he's thinking of getting married..."

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

T3chlady Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

T3chlady on the left....at the felt taking down pots from the mopes.
The Lovely Lady from Ann Arbor takes out NPP's finest tonight in a field of 12 players. She is now in the running for the 4th quarter seat in the NPP Finals and is locking down a back up plan with a Total Points seat.

She has the 4th quarter seat now as Faldo is a wild-card and does not 'take' a seat when he wins a seat. So just ignore Faldo.

All the women do.

2nd - Absea98
3rd - 95corolla
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - LittleRedElf

And now a touching story:

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together, of course was perfect.
One snowy stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road.
Then they noticed someone on the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.
Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?

The answer in the comments.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Faldo Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016 - FBI Investigation Started!

Mrs. Faldo after hearing the answer to her question of .."I married who??"
Good luck with that. We see how good they are at their job.

Anyway, Faldo hot - carded his way to a victory over a field of eleven this round. He takes the lead in the 4th quarter. Not to worry folks. Faldo had the lead at some point in the other three quarters and did not hang on.

The 4th quarter is up for grabs - so we will see you Tuesday night!

2nd - Tigercub8189
3rd - Theedouble*d
Bubble - Johnnied55

Now for the last segment of Rules for Men:

21. Unless you are in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is out-numbered, out manned or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last few hours his actions have caused you to think "this guy needs an ass-whippin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Never join your wife/girlfriend in dissing a buddy, except if she is withholding sex until you agree with her.

25. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: either both urinating or both in line. In all situations, a nod is all the conversation required.

26. Before allowing your drunk buddy to cheat on his wife/girlfriend, you must attempt at least one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye and tell you to "get lost", then you are absolved of all responsibility.

27. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the fact that you are feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was and how it will never happen again.

28. Never ask to ride another man's Harley. You have a better chance asking to ride his wife/girlfriend.


Sunday, September 11, 2016

With a Change of Political Parties at the Top, the USA Can Return to the Top



We are still the best country, but .....somehow......the citizens of this country used the excuse of proving color - blindness to elect an enemy of the Constitution to the highest office in the land.

Not a peep from any Democrat about the dismantling of our country and very little resistance by the Republicans.

Now the Democrats are running a treasonous crook and liar for President - 1st term - and her rapist husband for a third term. Not a peep from any Democrat and attacks by top Republicans only hitting the Republican nominee for President. Not a peep by top Republicans aimed at the real enemy of the Constitution of the United States - the entire Democrat Party.

As we remember the attack to our country 15 years ago, remember which party backs a President openly ignoring the laws of this country on immigration. Remember which party backs a nominee for president that sells USA favors from her office for profit, places national security secrets on an illegal email server, lies to the faces of the American people, lies to the FBI and Congress - and is still walking the streets as a candidate for our land's highest office.

If you vote Democrat - your are either a completely lazy and ignorant person who will not look at facts, a mentally ill person who is delusional and cannot see or understand facts, or a traitor to the United States of America. And that is a fact.


Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Theedouble*d Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016 - Tomservo2 Wins 3rd Quarter!

One for each of the two 1st place winners - DD and Tom! Congratulations guys!
Inquiring minds want to know - who got the blonde? DD or Tom?

It was a 'must point' night for Tomservo2, Derf-63 and Faldo. Tomservo2 got it done! Congratulations Tom!

Theedouble*d went thru a 12 player minefield of great and determined players to win this one.

Faldo is not aware of what happened to Derf-63, but the DD had AA when Faldo read DD's possible hand wrong (yeah, big surprise there) with QQ. Well played DD.

Congratulations to Theedouble*d on his 21st win!

Now more Man Rules:

11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask permission and he is required to grant it.

12. Women who claim they like to watch sports are to be treated as spies until they demonstrate actual knowledge of the game and players, AND only get refills and snacks during commercials.

13. The universal payment for buddy's who help you move is beer and pizza.

14. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriend within 30 minutes of them meeting.

15. You are not required to bond with your girlfriend's friends boyfriend if he is a dickhead. Low level sports bonding is all that is required.

16. When stumbling upon other guys watching sports, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but never ask who is playing.

17. When your girlfriend/wife wants to fix her friend up with your buddy, you may give permission only if you have warned your buddy so he can prepare his story about joining the priesthood.

18. The only time a guy can drink a fruity-chick drink is when you are sunning on a tropical beach and it is delivered by a topless supermodel.....and it is free. Only THEN!

19. You may reach and take the last beer or the last slice of pizza - but not both.

20. Phrases that may not be uttered when spotting a guy weightlifting:
"Yeah man, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more - harder!"
"One more set, then we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass. Are you a Sagittarius?"

Monday, September 05, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 8th Time in 2016!

ThePunk75 has one for every NPP win!
Obviously The Punk is now at another level! Although eight wins in a season is not a record (11 is by Rounder in 2007), it is the third most ever in a season! He ties 7Jokers for third, who also had 8 wins in 2007.
Rounder in 2007 had 11 wins!
Lump2 has the 2nd most wins in a season with 9 in 2012.

LittleRedElf (2009), Douge2 (2014), and Rjmech (2013) are in 4th (or 5th if you want to be picky) with 7 wins in a season.

But keep in mind, the fields were usually a little smaller and may not be as tough as they are now. But....then again, we had a lot of strong players back then also, so even wading thru them in a sit-n-go was no easy task.

Oh to have the great ones of the past return to do battle with the stars of today! It would be great poker - and Faldo might as well retire to the rail and watch the action from a safe distance!

There are 50 rounds in a season and winning 15% or 20% of the tournaments is quite a feat!

But back to this past week, the top dogs are fighting it out to get the 3rd seat in the NPP final. ThePunk75 would be leading this quarter too, but he already has a seat so we move to the next set of players:

2nd - Derf-63 (3rd in the 3rd quarter race)
3rd - Tomservo2 (2nd in the 3rd quarter race)
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo (1st in the 3rd quarter race)
Bubble - LittleRedElf (4th place in the 3rd quarter race)

Keep in mind that Faldo is a wildcard so if he hangs on to the lead, the 2nd place person also gets a seat! Right now it is a 3 horse race to the wire with ONE round remaining!

Be here next week for the exciting conclusion to the 3rd quarter! You can practice up or pick up much needed Totals points as maybe as many as two players will exit that list also with seats already locked up!

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 32nd NPP win!

The Man Code - Part I of III

1. Thou shall not watch chick flicks. If forced to in order to score, look at your date's legs or boobs the entire movie. She will know you are "into her". Or want to be.

2. Under no circumstanced to two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who takes pictures at the bachelor party can be legally killed.

4. When you are asked as to the whereabouts of a buddy's wife, girlfriend, or girlfriends, mistresses, mother, priest, shrink, accountant, the IRS, the police or doctor, you may not provide any useful information. You are permitted to deny his very existence!

5. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail your buddy out of jail within 24 hours.

6. If you go hunting, fishing, golfing, bowling, play in a weekly/monthly poker game, go to a pro or college sports event - more than once - or have more than 12 beers total with any guy - his mother, wife, girlfriends, sisters and nieces are OFF LIMITS! Cousins are still in play.

7. If a guy is more than 5 minutes late, you are no longer required to wait. He knows this. For a woman you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of HOTNESS you awarded her.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. However, if the temperature is not suitable, you may bitch and the beer doesn't count as a solid.

9. No man should ever buy another man a birthday present. It's considered very optional and even slightly gay. Birthday shots are permitted.

10. Talking to the "6" or lower friend of the hot girl your buddy is hitting on is your legal duty as a man.

More next time.  

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 4th Time in 2016 - and Two in a Row!

Derf-63 wins two! One right next to the other.
Derf-63 is certainly making a move in the 3rd quarter to get a seat in the NPP final. Faldo thinks everyone knows that if Faldo wins the 3rd Quarter, the person in 2nd place also gets a seat in the final! So that is more incentive to be near the top if by some miracle Faldo hangs on to the lead.

Faldo did fail the last two quarters to do that. So, there's that.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - Absea98
Bubble - Theedouble*d

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 27th NPP win!

Now some more reasons why a dog is better than a wife:

13. Dogs like to go hunting.

14. If you bring another dog home, your dog is happy to play with both of you.

15. A dog will not wake you up when you are trying to go to sleep to ask you, "If I die, will you get another dog?"

16. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

17. A dog will not hold out on you until it gets a new car.

18. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it is interesting.

19. On a car trip, your dog never insists running the car heater.

20. Dogs don't let magazine articles run their lives.

21. Dogs don't let magazine article quizzes make them mad at you.

22. When your dog gets old and sick, you can have it put to sleep.

23. Dogs like to ride in the back seat naked.

24. Dogs don't ever want to go to Neiman-Marcus.

25. If your dog leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Three cheers for Derf-63's three wins this year!
Derf-63 gets back in the 3rd quarter race with his win over a small field of ten.

The end of summer is quite often a bit of a lull in attendance for the tourney. But, the NPP table will heat up again soon, so sign up and get in here for the exciting conclusion to the NPP season and the 'playoffs' in December!

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - Tomnservo

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 26th NPP win!

Now the Part I list on why dogs are Man's best friend!

Why dogs are better than wives:

1. The later you are coming home, the happier they are to see you.

2. Dogs don't mind if you play with other dogs.

3. If another dog is gorgeous, your dog won't hate it.

4. Your dog won't even notice if you call it by another dog's name.

5. Your dog likes it if you leave your clothes on the floor.

6. A dog's parents never visit.

7. Dogs do their snooping outside and not in your wallet, phone or internet browser history.

8. Dogs don't hate their bodies or hide their body from you.

9. Dogs can't talk and therefore never nag.

10. Dogs enjoy getting petted in public.

11. A dog is always ready to leave when you are.

12. Your dog doesn't care or thinks you are amusing when you are drunk.

Part II next week! Yes, there are a lot of reasons dogs are man's best friend!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Tomservo2 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

We all have a big fight on our hands when Tomservo2 is at the table.
Tomservo2 - Mr. Slow and Steady - takes over the lead in the 3rd quarter race for a seat in the NPP Final.

Tom is always "hanging around, hanging around. The man has alligator blood!"

This will make for an exiting race the rest of the quarter.

2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - T3chlady
4th - Derf-63
Bubble - who else? Mikeniks-Faldo

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 20th NPP win!

Now for some questions that keep Faldo up at night. Well, to clarify - questions that keep him from falling asleep.

 Why do toasters even have settings that burn a piece of bread into charred flakes?

Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist if they want to know the time, but not to their crotches when they have to go to the bathroom?

Why does Pluto the dog remain on all fours but Goofy the dog is able to stand straight up?

What do they call male ballerinas?

If Wylie Coyote has the money to buy all that Acme junk, why not just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from veggies, what is baby oil made from?

If you absentmindedly prick your finger and no one is ashamed of you, why are they if you absentmindedly do the opposite?

PS: Sorry for the delay in posting. Sometimes life gets in the way of poker.

Thursday, August 04, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 7th Time in 2016


ThePunk75 wins one for each tournament in the streak!
Well, he is wiping the floor with the NPP line up right now. ThePunk75 has won 6 of the last nine tournaments! Just a dominating performance.

What he is doing with his winning streak, is keeping the race for the 3rd quarter seat in the NPP final close for the mortal players.

With ThePunk winning most tournaments, no other player can pull away from the pack. And since ThePunk already has his seat wrapped up, it's not helping or hurting him.

Well, it's helping since he is winning PS chips.

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 31st NPP tournament win!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - T3chlady
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tigercub8189

Now a story from the Dating Files:

A woman meets an absolutely handsome man at a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they leave together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf that runs all the way around the lower part of the wall of the room. On a shelf a middle of way up the wall, medium size teddy bears wrap around the room. On the top shelf, large and enormous bears go around the room.

The woman is surprised that this strong handsome man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially so many expensive ones. But she decides not to mention this to him and actually is quite impressed with this gentleman's sensitive side.

She turns to him and they kiss. Then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot passionate love. After an intense night of passion, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

She rolls over, smiles and asks the man in a cute way, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf." 


Thursday, July 28, 2016

ThePunk75 Wins for the 6th Time in 2016

Fabiana waits for ThePunk75 on the Winner's Circle
Well, its finally official. ThePunk75 has been playing on another level than the rest of us this year.
All of the hard work and dedication to poker is paying off here at NPP.

ThePunk is a regular at cash games, charity poker games and the casino scene for poker. The knowledge and practice of hours at real felt has make him the 'main man' at NPP!

ThePunk75 just passed "The Legend" - LittleRedElf for the lead in total NPP tournament wins.

This is a feat that Faldo never saw anyone doing!

To be fair to the Elf, he is playing poker at NPP right now, while - at the same time - bowling in his league!

But, to also be fair, ThePunk misses a lot of tournaments at NPP due to coaching duties with his sons.

In any event, these two are at the top - and right now - there is a new sheriff in town and his name is ThePunk75!

2nd - 95corolla
3rd - T3chlady
4th - Theedouble*d
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 30th NPP win!

Now, some strange facts about the USA:

In more than half the states in the country, a college football coach is the highest paid public employee.

Half of all Americans don't save a penny of their paychecks. Half don't have any emergency provisions either.

Apple has more money than the US Treasury.

Alaska has a longer coastline than the rest of the United States put together.

When the Democrat War on Poverty with LBJ started in the 1960's:
- 10% of all children grew up in single parent homes. Now it is 35%
- less than 5% of children were born out of wedlock. Now it is 40%
- the poverty rate for US households was 6.8%. Now it is 37%
Say thank you to a Democrat voter.

Almost 70% of the bachelor degrees in the USA go to women. So when these Liberal Arts, Cultural Diversity Studies, Women's Studies and Environmental Studies women with degrees ask you if you want fries with that - or use their welfare stamps - show them respect. Even though they are defaulting on their student loans that total about a half a million dollars.

Still, 75% of women said 'a steady job' is the #1 thing they look for in a man when dating. So much for feminists.

20 percent of the garbage in US landfills is food. Don't believe the lies about hunger in this country.

Montana has three times as many cows as it does people.

The Grizzly Bear is the official symbol of California. Much like a sane individual, a grizzly bear has not inhabited California since 1922.

The state with the most millionaires is Maryland.

If you are not in debt and have $10 in your pocket, you are richer than 40% of the people in this country. When you consider that half of the country is getting some kind of a government handout - what would you expect?

By the time a child reaches the age of 18, they will have seen 45,000 murders on television or movies. Much much higher if they play video games.




Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Faldo Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

Hey.....who took this unauthorized picture of Faldo using his camera?
Is there a full moon out tonight or something? Uh........yes there was!

Something was going on as Faldo got some hot... HOT cards tonight, allowing him to build a big chip lead in the middle of the tournament and hold on for the victory over a field of 13 players.

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble -  KingBing420

The bubble means that you finish JUST out of the points earned in the NPP race.

That is usually where Faldo ends up too.

And now a classic "Little Johnnie" story:

Little Johnnie is at the playground with his mom when he sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into a nearby woods.

Curious, Johnnie heads into the woods to follow the car. He sees Daddy and his Aunt Jane in a passionate hug. He watches for a while as Daddy and Aunt Jane get out of the car and lay in the secluded grassy area.

Little Johnnie can't wait to share what he saw with his Mother and he sprints back to the playground.

"Mommy, Mommy - I was in the woods and I saw Daddy's car and it was Daddy and ........"

His Mother cuts him off and tells him to slow down and tell her the whole story slowly.

So Johnnie explains how he saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in the woods kissing. Then he saw Daddy helping Aunt Jane off with her shirt. And then Aunt Jane helped Daddy off with his pants. And then Aunt Jane and Daddy laid down on the grass and ......

His mother cut him off again and said, "Johnnie, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save it and you can tell me the rest of of it - but from the beginning - at dinnertime. I want your Dad to hear it too, ok?"

At the dinner table, with his Mother's permission, Johnnie starts and tells the same story about his Dad driving into the woods with Aunt Jane, the kissing, the undressing, the laying down on the grass.....and then he continued...

"Then Daddy and Aunt Jane started doing what you and Uncle Bill did when Daddy was away on that long hunting trip last year."

Friday, July 15, 2016

If You Vote Democrat - You Are To Blame for Everything. Period.

The truth hurts.

Liberalism is responsible for every problem in this country - Period.

Every cesspool in this nation is Democrat controlled - be it a city or our school system.

Nearly every Democrat politician is a crook, traitor or a racist - or all three.

Every terrorist attack is the fault of a Democrat voter - who elected weak, politically correct, or cowardly politicians - or a Muslim sympathizer - like Barrack Insane Obama.

Every police killing and cop killing is the fault of the Democrat Party. They have destroyed the Americans Who Happen to be Black family and their belief in the American Dream, simply for political power. The Democrat Part is the new plantation - who have the AWHB poor and helpless without government handouts. It was done on purpose.

The Democrat Party has destroyed our education system, who now teach our children communist mantra instead of the 3R's - and our children are now dumber than dirt compared to children in the rest of the world.

Our children have been taught at your neighborhood school to hate their country, their race in the case of White kids, to feel helpless in the case of Black kids, and to embrace your culture from other countries in the case of immigrant children - legal or illegal.

Democrats have flooded our nation with illegal aliens. Why? There is only one reason for this, based on the truth listed above. It is to undermine our American capitalist system, our Constitution and to bury this nation in people needing government assistance - and therefore Democrat voters - legal or not. For that matter - alive or not.

The Democrats have a liar, crook, communist, racist, narcissist, traitor and Muslim sympathizer in the White House now.

Their replacement is a liar, crook, communist, narcissist, traitor and weak re-tread, who has more scandals behind her than any politician in history.

The Republican Party has seen the writing on the wall and are acting like the chicken that wants to be the last one eaten by the wolf - instead of challenging the wolf.

We have one candidate that is talking like he will fight the wolf. Faldo does not see it happening. Even if elected - Trump will find the same situation Jesse Ventura discovered when he won a governorship as an independent. BOTH parties were against him and he could not get any meaning repairs done.

History repeats itself.

This article was not a call to vote for Trump - although Faldo will.

It is to state plainly that the blame for the fall of the United States of America and all the terror, killings, starvation and blight that will follow is the fault of every Democrat voter. Period.

Democrats are not to be tolerated any more than an armed, bomb-loaded terrorist. The only difference between the two is that one will kill you faster. In that respect, a terrorist is actually more merciful than a Democrat voter.

Faldo

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Tomservo2 Wins for the First Time in 2016

Tomservo2 has a nice cheering section.
Tomservo2 beat a field of 16 players to win for the first time this year. And the wily NPP veteran puts himself in the 3rd quarter race with this win. He also moves up on the NPP Walk of Fame - passing retired legend 7Jokers.

2nd - Derf-63
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - ThePunk75
5th - Smaloo315
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 19th NPP win!

Now for some knowledge:

42.7% of all statistics are made up.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know - are below average.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drink way too much to worry about cholesterol.

If everything seems to be going good, you obviously overlooked something.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

.........And now a fall joke a little early.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets in the cab and the driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he says, "I have a question but I don't want to offend you sister."

She says, "You won't offend me. When you are as old as I am, you hear just about everything. Please ask your question."

The man blurts out, "Well I have always had a fantasy of kissing a nun passionately."

The nun thinks for a minute and says, "Well maybe I will allow it if you are #1, a catholic and #2 you must be single."

The man gets very excited and says, "Yes I am both of those!"

The nun says, "Very well. Pull into the next alley where we won't be seen."

The cabbie does just that, jumps into the back seat and he and the nun have a long, passionate kiss that would make a hooker blush!

But when it's over and they are back driving, suddenly the cabbie starts softly crying. By the time they get to the nun's stop, he is crying uncontrollably.

The nun gets out but leans back in, throws the fee and a small tip in the passenger seat and asks why he is crying so hard.

The cabbie says in a shattered voice, "I LIED. I am Jewish and ...I am married!"

The nun says, "That's ok. I'm not really a nun. My name is Kevin and I am on my way to a Halloween Party."