Thursday, May 19, 2016

Smaloo315 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Ladies Night at NPP!
Smaloo315 is a lady from Michigan - living in Ohio - and is a poker rookie. But she bested eleven of NPP veterans this evening.

At the final table she seemed to 'change gears' and confuse her challengers. Being a little inexperienced - and therefore unpredictable - is a powerful weapon.

It also seemed to be "Ladies Night" at NPP as 3 of the top 4 spots were won by the Ladies of NPP! Girl Power!

2nd - T3chlady (and takes the overall point lead!)
3rd - Absea98
Bubble - Suetman123

Smaloo315 was the 77th player to win an NPP tournament and the 10th lady to do it.

Congratulations to Smaloo315 on her 1st NPP win - and welcome to the Walk of Fame!

Now a list of classes offered - for women - this fall at Faldo University:

Silence, The Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
The Unknown Side of Banking: Making Deposits
Why You Don't Need New Shoes Everyday
Attending Parties WITHOUT a New Outfit
Advanced Class: Wearing Clothes More Than Once
Discovering How to Do Housework When the Game is not On.
Bathroom Etiquette: His Razor is His.
Introduction to Parking
PMS: Your Problem - Not His
Sex - It's for Married Couples Too
Oil and Gas: A Car Needs Both
TV Remotes: For Men Only
Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First
Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking - It Can Be Done
Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
Communication Skills IV: How Not to Ask Stupid Questions that Force Men to Lie
Communication Skills V: Stopping the Urge to Bring up the Past
Communication Skills VI: Successful Non-Verbal Communication - Why Nudity Will Work for You

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

LittleRedElf Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

LittleRedElf .....wins two!
The Elf is at it again. He is starting to get on a roll and is making the 2nd quarter seat fight interesting!

We had 16 players this Tuesday and the Elf out - maneuvered them all.

2nd - Tomservo2 (always a force at the felt)
3rd - GMOgolf - (also making a 'quiet' run)
4th - T3chlady - (also playing well)
5th - Suetman123 (back after some time off)
Bubble - Rjmech (visiting when golf allows)

See you next Tuesday and lets hope the race get even more interesting.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his NPP leading 28th win!

And now a true biblical story that somehow did not make the Editor's cut in the Bible:

In the beginning:

God created the donkey and told him, "You will work constantly from dusk til dawn. You will carry heavy loads on your back. You will live for 50 years."

The donkey answered, "To live that long and working that hard will just be too much. Please give me no more than 20 years Lord." And it was so.

God created the dog and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man. you will eat scraps and leftovers from his table and live for 25 years."

The dog answered, "Lord, 25 years is too much to live like that. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.

God created the monkey and told him, "You shall act like an idiot. You will act funny and make funny faces. You will live for 20 years."

The monkey answered, "Please Lord. That is not a great existence. Let it be only 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, the Lord created a man and told him, "You are a man. You are the ONLY rational thing on this planet. You will have intelligence and hold mastery over all the creatures of the Earth. You will dominate the Earth and you will live 20 years."

And the Man asked, "Lord, may I live longer than 20 years? I am the dominate creature on the planet and to only live 20 years is just to little time. May I have the years the mule, dog and monkey turned down please?" And it was so.

So God allowed the Man to live 20 years as a man.

Then he marries and lives 30 years as a mule working and carrying loads on his back.

Then he has children and lives 15 years like a dog guarding his dwelling and eating only the scraps left over from the family meal.

Then in his old age, he lives 10 years as a monkey - making faces to entertain his grandchildren and acting like a idiot.

And it is so.

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Another Derf-63 fan prepares to thank him for making a move in the standings.
Derf-63 returned to the winners circle, beating a field of 13 players.

If Derf gets hot - which he has a habit of doing - he could make the 2nd quarter interesting.

2nd - KingBing420
3rd - T3chlady
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - LittleRedElf

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 24th NPP win!

Plenty of time to be a factor in the 2nd quarter. Be here next Tuesday.

Now for more Inspirational Posters:

" means never having to take all the blame yourself."
"The beatings will continue until moral improves."
"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."
"A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all."
"When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break."
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."
"Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment."
"Work: It's just not for sleeping anymore."

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Rjmech Wins for the First Time in 2016

Gemma Atkinson relaxes in Rjmech's NPP chair.
Everything old is new again. Rjmech shows up for the first time in 2016 and wins - as he has so often here at NPP.

Rjmech started the evening by disposing of Faldo. Somehow he survived and prospered even with these unlucky poison chips were in his stack. Nice job RJ!

2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - KingBing420
4th - LittleRedElf
5th - Smaloo315 (1st points at NPP - Congrats Smaloo!)
Bubble - Derf-63 (for the second week in a row. Ouch!)

Congratulations to Rjmech on his 20th NPP win. Welcome back RJ!

The 2nd quarter continues next week, and now that someone besides Douge2 won this quarter, we all might be able to get back in the race. But if RJ keeps showing up......maybe not.

Now here is a list of new Inspirational Posters:
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong eleven times before doing it right gives you job security."

"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing everyone who opposed them."

"We put the K in Kwality."

"If it doesn't feel good, you are not feeling the right things."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"A person who can smile when things are going wrong....was smart enough to have a scapegoat already lined up."

"If you can stay calm while there is chaos all around you .....then you just don't understand the situation."

"Plagiarism saves time."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together."

More next week.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Douge2 Wins for the 4th time in 2016 - in a row!!

Douge2 wins four - in a row. It's good to be a winner at NPP.
Douge2 is making a mockery of the 2nd quarter so far! Nice job Doug, but what are the rest of us doing?

Sorry for the delay writing, but Faldo has been waiting for PokerStars to update the standings.

It has not happened yet - as of this writing.

But Douge2's accomplishment must be noted and recorded for posterity! This was his 22nd win in NPP history and moves him up the Walk of Fame!

Nice job Douge2!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - Wingsfancurt
5th - Derf-63
6th - Absea98

It will be tough but we can still catch him - after all there are eight rounds remaining. So see you all Tuesday to see if we can stop the Douge2 express!

Here is an excerpt from a 1950's Home Economics textbook. Faldo says this should be a required course for senior college coeds today - as today's students are four or more years behind the students of the 1950's in today's classrooms.

1. Have dinner ready when your husband gets home. And make it delicious. This is a sly way of letting him know you were thinking of him all day. A man is usually hungry when he gets home and the warm aroma of a good meal is the welcome he deserves.

2. Prpare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest before he walks in. Touch up your make up and put a ribbon in your hair.

3. Clear away clutter. Take a last minute tour of the main house and make sure things look in order. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest.

4. Prepare the children. Wash their hands and faces, comb their hair and if necessary - their clothes. He will want to hug his little treasures so have them look the part.

5. Minimize all noise. Turn off the washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Let the children know to greet their father warmly - but no yelling or horseplay.

6. Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him speak first. Once he has aired his frustrations, he will ask how your day was - then that is the signal it is your turn.

7. Make the evening his. During the work week, understand his world is a lot of strain and pressure. His home must be a place of rest during the week.

8. Have a warm or cold drink ready for him when he walks in the door.

9. Always speak in a low, soft, soothing, pleasant feminine voice to allow him to relax and unwind.

10. Some don'ts: Don't greet him with complaints and don't complain if he is late for dinner.

11. After dinner have him relax in his favorite chair or suggest he lie down on the couch. Arrange his pillow and offer to remove his shoes.

12, The goal is to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Not a bad list - a little incomplete in Faldo's opinion. But after all the author was not Faldo, so errors were unavoidable.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Douge2 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Douge2 has won three, for his NPP suite.
Douge2 is on fire! Three straight wins to start the 2nd quarter. That is a great time to start a streak. Everyone is in official ...."chase" mode.

Douge2 won it after a tough battle with 2nd place finisher GMOgolf. Nice job guys.

3rd - Cigar4John
4th - Tigercub8189
5th - Absea98
Bubble - KingBing420

Only three rounds in so still time to get in there and join the herd chasing Douge2. See you next week!

Now a little humor. This week Men's English:

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
To the question, what are you thinking about? "Nothing" = Nothing
"You look great." = I wish you would dress more like a slut for me.
"Would you like to go to a movie sometime?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"You look tense. Let me rub your shoulders." = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Let's talk." = I am trying to show you I am a deep person so you will sleep with me.
"What's wrong?" = So you don't want sex tonight?
"I love you." = I want to sleep with you tonight.
"I love you too." = There...I said it. We better have sex now.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal and immoral for you to sleep with anyone else.
"Nice dress." = Nice cleavage - or -Thanks for the up-skirt.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better longer.
"I like that one." = Whatever! Pick a dress and let's get out of this mall.

Friday, April 08, 2016

Douge2 Wins for the 2nd Time in a Row in 2016

Jessica Alba shows she has a double winner herself at the NPP pool.

Douge2 is trying to put a claim on the 2nd quarter seat quickly. But, as we all know, that is very tough to do with this line up of poker players.

2nd – LittleRedElf
3rd – Johnnied55
4th – Absea98
5th – T3chlady
Bubble – Lump2

It is only week 2 of the second quarter. Get to NPP and join in the poker action on Tuesday night.

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 20th NPP win!

Now a lesson on the English language for the sexes. Ladies first.

Women’s English
“Yes” = Maybe
“No” = Maybe
“Maybe” = No
“I’m sorry” = You will be sorry
“We need to talk” = I need to complain and you will listen!
“Sure….go ahead.” = I don’t want you to and you BETTER NOT!
“I’m not upset”. = Of course I’m upset you insensitive moron!
“We need new curtains.” = and carpeting, and furniture and new paint colors and…
“Hang the picture here.” = or there, ….or maybe there.
“I heard a noise.” = You were almost asleep and I can’t get to sleep you insensitive moron.
“Do you love me?” = I am going to ask for something expensive or a favor for my side of the family.
“How much do you love me?” = I did something today you are not going to like.
“I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.” = I will be ready in a half hour or more.
“Is my butt fat?” = Tell me I am beautiful so I can say you are a liar and start a fight.
“You and I don’t communicate.” = You need to let me have my way all the time.
“Are you listening to me?” = You are so dead!
“I’m not YELLING!” = Of course I am yelling you moron!

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Douge2 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Douge2 groupie wants Doug "on the rocks".
Douge2 beat a fourteen player field and takes the early lead in the 2nd quarter race for a seat in the NPP final.

Douge2 also sent along this:

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and
Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest came in. I said to him,
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting than it used to be."
He replied: " You moron, you're on my side."

2nd - Johnnied55
3rd - t3chlady
4th - GMOgolf

Bubble - K9isadog

The 2nd quarter just started. Get in here and enjoy some real poker action at a high level.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Rachael0388 Wins for the 1st Time! - ThePunk75 Wins the 1st Quarter!

Vanessa Rousso has nothing on Rachael0388!
Rachael0388 wins for the 1st time at NPP! Congratulations to Rachael, becoming the 76th person to win an event.

ThePunk75 finished 3rd, earning enough points to overtake Mikeniks-Faldo and win the 1st quarter! Nice job Punk!

Faldo knew six players could overtake him, but some bad luck with good cards spelled an end to Faldo this night. The Punk did what he had to do to get the job done.

2nd - Kingbing420
4th - Absea98
5th - Tomservo2
Bubbleboy - LittleRedElf

The good news is the 2nd Quarter starts next week!

So be here for the start of the next chance to win a seat in the NPP Final!

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Johnnied55 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Johnnie's fans wait for him by the NPP pool.
Johnnied55 made a mid-tournament run and held on to the chip lead the rest of the way

He bested fourteen other players on this night to win a seat in the NPP Tournament of Champions. And this will not be the last time we have to put up with …..”Heeeeerrrre’s Johnnie!”

2nd – GMOgolf
3rd – Mikeniks-Faldo
4th – Theedouble*d
Bubble – Douge2

Well, next week is the last week of the 1st quarter. Possibly seven players still have a shot at 1st place!

And remember, Faldo is a wildcard. Should he finish first, the player finishes 2nd would also win a seat.

 Be here for the exciting conclusion to the 1st quarter battle for a seat in the NPP Final.

Congratulations to Johnied55 on his 4th NPP win!