Sunday, February 26, 2017

More Sunday Pictures


KingBing420 Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

NPP ladies can hold their own in any poker situation there is!
Skill was a lady tonight - not luck!

KingBing420 beat a field of 15 to win for the first time in 2017.

The field is tightening (as it always does), so be sure to be here on Tuesday at 8pm EST on for the best poker tournament on the internet.

2nd - Tigercub8189
3rd - Derf-63
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
5th - Absea98

Congratulations to KingBing420 on her 6th NPP win!

Now for a classic fable - then the modern version:

The ant works hard all summer in the heat building his house and gathering supplies for the long winter ahead.
The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and plays and laughs the summer away.
Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter and dies out in the cold.

The ant works hard all summer in the heat building his house and gathering supplies for the long winter ahead.
The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and plays and laughs the summer away.
Come winter, the grasshopper calls the main stream media and gets a press conference demanding why the ant gets to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. Protesters gather to demand, "no warm well fed grasshopper, No PEACE!" and burn flags, throw rocks and bottles and loot stores.

CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, NPR, the NY Times and the rest of the newspapers in the country provide pictures and videos of the shivering grasshopper and showing where the ant's home is so protestors can find it easily.

Kermit the Frog shows up on The View to explain the difficulties of being Green.

Nancy Pelosi makes the rounds of all the main stream media talk shows vowing to do everything possible so the grasshopper can get 'economic justice' and punish the ant who prospered due to "global warming". She also explains that this bitter cold winter is also the fault of global warming. The main stream media never asks her to explain how that is possible.

Obama is sought out by the media to proclaim that the ant got rich off the back of the grasshopper and calls for an immediate tax hike on all ants so they can pay "their fair share" so the government can re-distribute the ant's wealth.

The Clintons get their lawyers to file a Defamation suit against the ant and get the case tried in the 9th Circuit Court to make sure the ruling is against the ant. The ant is fined for not using enough "illegal green bugs" to build his house and gather his food for the winter.

The story ends with the grasshopper finishing up the last bit of the ant's food inside his government supplied house - which just so happens to be the ant's old house. But the house is crumbling around him since the grasshopper never paid for it and therefore doesn't maintain it.

The ant is dead and laying underneath the snow somewhere, but on the mainstream media channels Meryl Streep and Madonna are standing in front of Democrat supporters stating how happy they all are that "justice" was achieved for the grasshopper.

Shortly thereafter, the grasshopper was found dead in his free housing due to a drug overdose. The house was abandoned due to it's rundown condition and unpaid taxes. Now it has been taken over by a gang of spiders who now terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

Epilogue: There is a new sheriff in town, who appears to be bringing back the Classic version to the country. Now that real Americans have wrestled the car keys away from the children, we must keep them in their child seats and seat belts in the back seat - facing the other way.

If they cause too much of a distraction back there, place them in the trunk or don't even let them in the car in the first place. They are a danger to everyone.

Safety first!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

LittleRedElf Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

LRE wins two and they fight over who's first.
There is a pattern developing this year at NPP it seems - repeat winners mostly. That should tell you that poker is a game of skill and not luck.

Luckily for Faldo......he has neither.

LittleRedElf wins for the 2nd time against a field of thirteen.

2nd - Douge2
3rd - Absea98
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - No idea as the PokerStars records department broke and Faldo had to manually figure out the standings.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 33rd NPP win and he regains the top square on the NPP Walk of Fame!

Now for a Manhood Test:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A: lovemaking
B: screwing
C: Hiding the salami in the bread box

2. You should only make love to a woman for the first time only after you have shared:
A: Your views of what is expected from a sexual relationship.
B: Your blood test results.
C: Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A: your partner goes first
B: You both climax together
C: You don't miss Sports Center

4. Passionate and spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A: Healthy creative lovemaking
B: Not the sort of thing your woman would agree to
C: Not the sort of thing your woman better find out about.

5. Your woman tells you she gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her;
A: you never even noticed.
B: It doesn't matter to you
C: that's a conservative estimate

6. You think a sensitive, caring man is a:
A: myth
B: an oxymoron
C: gay

7. Foreplay is to sex as:
A: Appetizer for the entree
B: Primer to the paint
C: A long line just to get a short ride in an amusement park.

8. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masterbate;
A: Probably needs more time before she can cope with that level of intimacy
B: Is uptight and a waste of time
C: Should not have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

If you answered A more than 3 twice, your testicles no longer work.
If you answered B more than 3 times, your testicles are slowing down.
If you answered C more than 5 times, YOU DA MAN!

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Rjmech Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

Another Rjmech groupie awaits him.
Rjmech won for the first time this year and it will not be the last. He bested a field of twelve, coming back from being extremely short stacked early. Nice job Rj!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - GMOgolf
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - Derf-63

Congratulations to Rjmech on his 25th NPP win!

Now for some hockey history:

Many years ago the Montreal Canadian great Maurice "Rocket" Richard was out for a few games with a wrist injury. After a very spirited game at the Montreal Forum, the color commentator asked The Rocket:

Commentator: "That was quite an exciting game Rocket."

Rocket: "Dat's for shore!"

Commentator: "So who is your pick for the 1st Start of the game?"

Rocket: "Well that would have to be Jean Beliveau, the best center on the Canadians, and I think, in the league. After all, he had 2 goals and an assist."

Commentator: "And the 2nd Star?"

Rocket: "I'd 'ave to pick my broder Ohnree. He scored a goal and was all over the ice on both offense and defense. I'm so glad my broder is on my team.

Commentator: "And your 3rd star?"

Rocket: "For da turd star, I have to pick Boom Boom Geoffrion. He had 2 assists and some good hits, eh? And he sticks up for his Montreal teammates too!"

Commentator: Well, if you had to come up with an honorable mention, who would that be?

Rocket (with a scowl on his face): "I guess I would have to say Gordie Howe. If it was not for his four goals, we would have won the game."

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2017 - T3chlady Tourney Date Set

Gemma Atkinson is floored by Derf-63's poker skills.
Derf-63 beat back a field of 12 for his 1st win of the year. Derf is no stranger to the top platform at NPP. It looks like the same suspects, so far this year, were 'hanging around' the Winners Circle trying to step in - before access was denied.

2nd - Douge2
3rd - Absea98
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tomservo2 (still on fire!)

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 30th NPP win!

And congratulations to Douge2 for qualifying for the Poker Stars Billion Chip tournament this Sunday!

Now for a live tournament update:
T3chlady (Jean) is going to hold a poker tournament at her place on Sunday February 19th at 2pm. 
Buy in will be $40. 
Please RSVP ASAP. 
If you do not have T3's contact information, please contact Faldo either in the comment section below or the npokerp at yahoo email address and Faldo will take care of the rest.

Now from the Douge2 joke collection:
The Jewish Quarterback
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European leagues, but he couldn't find a super athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm.
He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
I've got to get this guy!", the Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the United States and teaches him the great game of football...and the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom", he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl !"
I don't want to talk to you", his mother said. "You are not my son!"
I don't think you understand, mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!", his Mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" 
The mother pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago.