Saturday, January 31, 2015

45 Things Women Have to Know About Men

Remember ladies, we can't help it. In the genes and jeans.

by Chuck Henderson


1. You Gotta Stay Away From His Internet Search History

You can’t handle it. It’s more or less the same for every guy, so don’t think he’s a perv or anything. But if you go browsing where he’s been, you’ll regret it. There are some things you can’t unsee.

2. You Can’t Change Him

I know that you know this intellectually, but on some level, you may still think you can pull it off. You can’t. And if you do manage to get it done, he’ll figure it out and resent you for it. Love him the way he is or not at all.

3. You Should NOT Take It Personally When He Checks Out Other Women

Unless he’s leering and drooling, just let it slide. It’s a reflex and he can’t help it. Just let it slide.

4. Never Criticize His Mother

If he wants to do it, and you commiserate with him, that’s fine. But if you’re the one who brings it up, watch the fuck out. Odds are, there are qualities she has that he sees in you, so try to figure out what those are and relate to her on that level.

5. You Have To Let Shit Go

You’ll have a lot of fights over the course of the relationship, but when they’re over, they really need to be over. Throwing old arguments back in his face will lead to loss of trust and ultimately change how he feels about you.

6. Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want To Know The Answers To

Hey, he’s got a history and so do you. If you love him for who he is now, don’t worry so much about the steps he took to get there.

7. You Can’t Bombard Him The Second He Walks In The Door

He knows you want to talk about what that bitch said to you at work today or your plans to redecorate the bedroom, but for god’s sake, let him have a beer and stare at the TV for at least half an hour first.

8. Withholding Sex Is A Dangerous Game

I don’t care how mad you are at him, if you cut him off for an extended period of time, what happens next is on you.

9. He Wants To Bang Your Friends

I’m not saying he’ll do it, but he wants to. Don’t take it personally—he’s wanted to bang 90% of all the women he’s ever met. It’s really not that big a deal. Let him know you know and watch how red he gets.

10. He Wants You To Seduce Him

Yes, he probably likes sex more than you do, but you want him to be happy, right? Don’t wait for him to instigate every time. Surprise him every once in a while.

11. He Notices When You Don’t Wear The Jewelry He Bought You

If you don’t like it, for Christ’s sake, say so and let him try again. It seems ungrateful when you wear it once and then he never sees it again.

12. He Wants You To Need Him

Sure, you’re an independent lady and he likes that. But he also wants to feel useful. So let him change a light bulb and open pickle jars for you. It boosts his self-esteem.

13. You’ve Got To Watch Your Weight

Oh shit, did I really say that? Well, it’s true. Just because you landed him doesn’t mean you can eat whatever you want and stop going to the gym (and to be fair, neither can he).

14. If You’ve Been Living Together For Longer Than Three Years, He’s Not Going To Marry You

At that point, he already considers himself married, and the idea of a wedding is more of a hassle than the special day it is to you. You can try to force him into it if you want, but…

15. Ultimatums Do NOT Work

Any time you try to force a guy to do anything, he WILL resent you for it. Try an honest talk about how you feel and what you want out of the relationship before you give him an “either/or.”

16. He Wants Kids

It’s hardwired into his DNA. No matter what he says when he’s in his twenties, when he gets a little older, he’s going to want a legacy to leave behind. But please make sure he’s ready before you stop taking your birth control.

17. He Knows When You’re Lying To Him

He might not even be sure what you’re lying about, but he knows when you’re not being honest. Better come clean, or his head will fill up with worst-case scenarios.

18. He Wants You To Like What He Likes

Whether it’s movies, sports or hobbies, he wants you to enjoy those things with him. Even if it’s not your thing, try to have fun with the fact that it makes him happy.

19. He Thought You Looked Good In That First Outfit

The more you change clothes before you go out, the more impatient he gets. After the second one, he doesn’t care anymore. Just pick one and let’s go!

20. You Should Always Take His Side

Within reason. But if he’s involved in some kind of debate and you take sides against him in public, he will never forgive you.

21. He Wants You To Expose Him To New Things

He wants to feel like you’re bringing something extra into his life, so tell him about your favorite authors, philosophers, whatever. If you help him grow as a person, he’ll always be grateful to you for it.

22. You Need To Tell Him Exactly What You Want

Don’t make him guess, because he’ll pick wrong. And don’t be vague about it either. If you want something, just say it straight out. Odds are, he’ll give it to you.

23. He Hates That Short Haircut

Very few women can pull off that pixie hairdo (although the ones that can do it beautifully). He likes your hair long, so don’t go chopping it all off without running it by him first. How would you feel if he got a Mohawk or grew a rattail?

24. He Wants You By His Side

If you abandon him at parties and go talk to your friends while he talks to his, you’re not giving him that level of completion he wants in a partner. Sure, you can branch out now and then, but he wants you to work as a duo.

25. You Should Never Flirt With His Friend

I know I said earlier that he wants to bang your friends, so this might seem like a double standard, but it’s true. He’ll think you’re fucking with him—or worse, that you’re actually attracted to one of his buddies. Don’t risk ruining his friendships or there will be bad times ahead.

26. He Wants You To Be His Muse

Behind every great man is a great woman. And of course you can have your own hopes and dreams, but he needs you help and inspire him to achieve his.

27. Whatever It Is  You Want In Bed, He WILL Do It

Don’t be embarrassed to ask for it. Whatever your sickest, most twisted sexual fantasy, it’s PG-13 material compared to the shit that goes on in his head.

28. He Needs To Lean On You Sometimes

Most of us are pretty good at shouldering our burdens, but every so often, they get too heavy. But don’t sit him down and make him talk about his feelings—that’s YOUR thing. Just do some little things for him to pick up his slack when he’s overwhelmed.

29. Save The Big Piece Of Chicken For Him

He works hard, he doesn’t complain much. He deserves it (thanks to Chris Rock for that one).

30. Don’t EVER Emasculate Him

Even if you’re just joking. I promise you, he won’t think it’s funny. And if you do it during a fight, your relationship might never recover.

31. He Doesn’t Want To Hear About Your Sexual Past

If you feel the need to give him a number, fine, but don’t get into what you did with whom, no matter how much he asks. I promise you, he doesn’t want to know.

32. He Wants To Be The Best Lover You’ve Ever Had

And if he’s the love of your life, he probably is. But if he’s not, just lie to him.

33. If He Cheats On You Once, He’ll Do It Again

Even if he apologizes and honestly regrets it, if you let him get away with it, it WILL happen again.

34. You Should Let Him Open Doors For You

It’s great that you’re all liberated and shit, but being a gentleman never goes out of style. Let him do those little things and it will make him love you more.

35. You Need To Be His Moral Compass

He looks to his woman to keep him in check. Make sure he always does the right thing.

36. You Should Let Him Win Sometimes

Men hate it when you’re better at them at what they love. He has a fragile ego, and sorry, but you need you to cater to it sometimes. If you throw a game and he gloats, though, all bets are off.

37. If You Make Him Watch A Chick Flick, At Least Give Him A Blowjob Afterwards

Seriously, those things are painful. You have no idea how much we hate them. If he made it through the whole thing without complaining, reward him. And if it was one of the SEX & THE CITY movies, you owe him either anal or a threesome. Your choice.

38. Speaking Of Threesomes… He Will NEVER Stop Trying

It doesn’t mean you’re not enough for him, it’s just that it’s the ultimate male fantasy. I’m not saying you ever have to cave in (it’s probably best if you don’t). But just tolerate his attempts to make it happen. He can’t help himself.

39. He Needs Quiet Sometimes

You don’t have to fill the silence with pointless chatter and small talk. If you’re comfortable together, you should be able to just shut the fuck up every once in a while.

40. You Should Compliment Him More

Hey, women aren’t the only ones who like compliments. Tell him he looks good, tell him he’s smart, whatever. He needs to hear that shit every once in a while.

41. You Don’t Always Have To Be Right

Hey, if it’s worth it, then just dig your heels in and fight to your dying breath. But sometimes, he just wants his opinion validated and you don’t have to contradict him just because you see things differently.

42. Make Sure You Look Just As Good When You Go Out With Him As When You Go Out With The Girls

We all get lazy after a while when we don’t have to impress anyone anymore. But if you’re all sweats and T-shirts when it’s just the two of you and you’re smoking hot when you’re going out without him, he’s going to wonder who you’re doing that for.

43. He’s Not Your Dad

For all you princesses out there. Yes, he’s supposed to take care of you, but it’s not in the same way. You’re a grown woman, for Christ’s sake. Learn the difference between a father and a partner.

44. You’re Not His Mother

If you’re always picking up after him and washing his dishes, he’s got some growing up to do. Don’t play into his Freudian fantasy.

45. He’s Not As Complicated As You Are

Don’t go thinking that means you’re deeper than he is, though. Or smarter. He just likes to keep it simple. If you can understand and appreciate that, you might end up complimenting each other very well.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Theedouble*d Wins for the 2nd Time (already) in 2015

Angie Harmon waits for Theedouble*d on the NPP yacht.
Theedouble*d takes control of the league lead by being the first player to win two tournaments this year.
But folks, it is still early in the season and the 1st Quarter. There is plenty of time to get in the running for a seat in the NPP Finals!

On to the action:
4 min: ThePunk75 (17th)
12 min: Tatted Eagle (16th)
22 min: Douge2 (15th)
35 min: NixiPixie (14th)
38 min: T3chlady (13th)
42 min: Sanster89 (12th)
50 min: Derf-63 (11th)
55 min: TooBIGAKQ (10th)
60 min: Tomservo2 (9th) has (AK) and loses the coin flip to Theedouble*d’s (44).
70 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (8th) sees his (QQ) lose the coin flip to Sirgash’s (AK) with a [K] on the river.
81 min:  Tigercub8189 (7th)
83 min: LittleRedElf (6th)
87 min: Sirgash (5th)
96 min: Suetman123 (4th) has to go with (77) but Theedouble*d has (KK).
95 min: Absea98 (3rd)
Heads up:     Theedouble*d   14700      -      K9isadog    10800
100 min:        Theedouble*d   13500      -     K9isadog    12000
105 min:        Theedouble*d   17800      -      K9isadog     7700
110 min:        Theedouble*d   15000      -      K9isadog    10500
111 min: K9isadog (2nd) has a pair of Aces. Theedouble*d has (44) and hits a [4] on the river.
Congratulations to Theedouble*d’ on his 16th NPP win!

Total Point standings are on the right side of the blog.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

A Pre-Race Ritual - Maybe NPP Could Use One

It's good to be Tony Steward....As Kevin Harvick's wife finds out. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st time in 2015

Karina Smirnoff waits for the winner Derf-63 in the NPP Lounge.
Derf-63 is starting early, making his claim to be a force again in this league. Faldo has to say that 2013 was Derf-63’s breakout year, and he has been consistently in the hunt for seats and titles here at NPP.
Welcome back to the lead Derf-63. Not that we didn’t think you would show up there eventually anyway.

On to the NPP action:

12 min: Sirgash (22nd)
14 min: Douge2 (21st)
18 min:  Wwsatando (20th)
20 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (19th) Where did the 2014 magic go?
24 min: Rjmech (18th)
29 min: jgamble (17th) hits a full house but Lump2 has four Kings!
34 min: TooBIGAKQ (16th)
36 min: t3chlady (15th)
43 min: LittleRedElf (14th)
45 min: Sanster89 (13th)
46 min: Tigercub8189 (12th)
50 min: 95corolla (11th)
56 min: Tim481 (10th)
58 min: Theedouble*d (9th)
66 min: Tomservo2 (8th)
81 min: TattedEagle (7th)
91 min: Absea98 (6th)
93 min: Dirtmonkey06 (5th)
98 min: Suetman123 (4th)
105 min: NixiPixie (3rd)

Heads up:         Derf-63     24000     -      8500    Lump2
110 min:           Derf-63     25800     -      7200    Lump2
115 min:           Derf-63     24000     -      9000    Lump2

117 min: A short-stacked Lump2 (2nd) has to go with Ace-high but Derf-63 (44).

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 17th NPP win!

Standings on the right side of the blog!

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Theedouble*d Wins for the 1st Time in 2015

Coleen Rooney waits for Theedouble*d in the NPP Winners Lounge
Theedouble*d built a big chip lead and wiped the floor with the NPP stable. We never had a chance.

It’s going to be a very entertaining first quarter race. We already have THIRTEEN players who have pointed! Only Tim481 scored points in the two events played so far.

So, what that means is that you can still get into the action this quarter and win it. Get in there.

On to the NPP action:

7 min: Derf-63 (23rd)
15 min: Tomservo2 (22nd)
21 min: T3chlady (21st)
22 min:  Douge2 (20th)
26 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (19th)
38 min: KingBing420 (18th)
40 min: LittleRedElf (17th) hits a full house but Lump2 has four Kings!
42 min: Wwsatando (16th)
44 min: Absea98 (15th)
46 min: Dirtmonkey06 (14th)
48 min: Rjmech (13th)
55 min: TooBIGAKQ (12th)
58 min: UglyTuco84 (11th)
59 min: SnDiegoSlick (10th)
60 min: Sanster89 (9th)
64 min: K9isadog (8th)
70 min: Lump2 (7th)
78 min: Wingsfancurt (6th)
90 min: Tim481 (5th)
94 min: 95corolla (4th)
105 min: Sirgash (3rd)

Heads up:         Theedouble*d     30800     -      3700    Suetman123

109 min: Suetman123 (2nd) flopped pair of Kings but Theedouble*d hit two pair on the river.

Congratulations to Theedouble*d on his 15th NPP win!

Standings on the right side of the blog!

Thursday, January 08, 2015

ThePunk75 Welcomes the Rest of Us – by Crushing a Large NPP Field

Adriana Lima waits for ThePunk75 in the NPP Lounge
ThePunk75 wins the first tournament of the year and is the leader out of the starting gate.
Faldo would like to thank everyone for their return to the NPP virtual felt as we had a great opening night attendance of 21 players!
With new players – like UglyTuco84 joining us – and past players like NixiPixie and TooBIGAKQ returning, it swelled the ranks. Even so, we were still missing a few regulars, so maybe we can maintain a 3 table or even 4 table tournament for some of the rounds.
We just started – so get back in there!
On to the NPP action:
8 min: UglyTuco84 (21st) (the usual treatment of new guests to NPP)
12 min: NixiPixie (20th) loses to Derf-63’s flush.
20 min: Wingsfancurt (19th)
28 min: Tomservo2 (18th)
32 min: TooBIGAKQ (17th)
35 min: Rjmech (16th)
45 min: LittleRedElf (15th)
50 min: Sanster89 (14th)
53 min: T3chlady (13th)
61 min: 95corolla (12th)
79 min: Absea98 (11th)
80 min: Suetman123 (10th)
96 min: Lump2 (9th) goes with (44) but T3chlady has (AA).
100 min: K9isadog (8th) goes with (AK) but he loses a coin flip to Derf-63 with (99).
104 min: A short-stacked (SS) Derf-63 (7th) has to go with (Kh Jh) but ThePunk75 held an Ace.
108 min: J3gamble (6th) hits trips, but Wwsatando hits a straight.
110 min: A SS Tim481 (5th) can’t beat Wwsatando’s pair of Jacks.
117 min: Wwsatando (4th) has to go with (Ah Kh) and loses a coin flip to ThePunk75’s (77).
120 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (3rd) tries to force things with (A5) and loses to ThePunk75’s (66).
Heads up:         ThePunk75     20800     -      T3chlady      10600
125 min:           ThePunk75     24400     -      T3chlady        7100
130 min:           ThePunk75     25300     -      T3chlady        6200
135 min:           ThePunk75     24800     -      T3chlady        6700
136 min: A SS T3chlady (2nd) has to go with (A6) but the ThePunk75 hits a flush!
Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 20th NPP win!
1st – ThePunk75
2nd – T3chlady
3rd – Mikeniks-Faldo
4th – Wwsatando
5th – Tim481
6th – J3gamble
7th – Derf-63
8th – K9isadog
9th – Lump2
10th - Suetman123
11th - Absea98
12th - 95corolla
13th - Douge2
14th - Sanster89
15th - LittleRedElf
16th - Rjmech
17th - TooBIGAKQ
18th - Tomservo2
19th - Wingsfancurt
20th - NixiPixie
21st- UglyTuco84

The point standings are on the right side of the blog.