Sunday, April 29, 2012

Playing for the Long Term

They all look up to Faldo!

Poker is a marathon – it is not a sprint. Luck plays such a big roll in our short-term results. Maybe even in our long term results.
For example, an experiment was held where nine computers with the same program were set up to play each other. Identical programs. They played for the equivalent number of hands that a professional poker player would play over a three year period.
I forget the blinds or the stakes, but I do remember the cash results! Most bunched up around the “even” plateau, most actually making a small profit. Two of the programs however, were out of the normal curve. One “lucky” bot won $38,000 and an unlucky bot lost $56,000!!

Remember, these programs used the exact same strategy for playing their hands. Then, throw the “rake” in there and see where they are at profit-wise!
Now, let’s make them all humans, who just happen to play identically. One thinks he is all that and a bag of chips and is planning to “move up” to the big games! And the other is quitting poker and taking up basket weaving at the insane asylum built to hold other players that play on PokerStars.
So knowing this, your poker mindset is to think “long term”. Each poker session is just a fraction of your life at one LONG poker game.
So, never play to get “even” in a given session. Make decisions based on that hand, that table and that set of circumstances. If you don’t feel like you are playing well or you don’t like the table, quit. Come back to that “life long” game later.
Never play to protect a “win”.  Make decisions based on that hand, that table and that set of circumstances. Cards have no memory. You may be on the verge of a monster heater at the perfect table to take advantage of it. And you better, because the “cold deck” has no memory either.
Never tilt. Remember, this is one session. Play your best at all times, and forget about that 2 outer that beat you yet again. It’s over. Move on to the next hand. Cards have no memory and neither should you about such things.
Never get mad at bad players. Unless you are a life long Democrat who always hates the people paying the taxes, why would you get mad at the people supporting the very poker system itself? This is the dumbest and most short-sighted, ego driven thing you can do. What are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to always sit down against eight Phil Iveys?
And be careful making rash changes to your game. As that computer experiment shows, there may be nothing wrong with your style or your game. That does not mean you stop trying to learn and pick up better tactics, but to change your entire approach may not be necessary. It may just be the ‘luck’ factor hitting you all at once.
Back in Faldo’s early years, he was crushing the charity limit poker rooms in Canada. Two years booking solid profits and streaks of winning every session. One lasted 17 straight sessions.
Then one year, it all dried up. No streaks, no profit. Faldo actually had a small loss for the year. What happened?
Well, several things in retrospect. One, the competition got better. Everyone learns over time. Secondly, Faldo pushed a little more early in the year, waiting for the “rush”, then nutted up too much when the push back-fired. In other words, major changes were made to Faldo’s game based on short term results. And the worst thing of all; Faldo quit trying to improve his game. He thought he had arrived.
Faldo had not even started the journey, let alone arrived anywhere.
So, think long term. Life is one long poker game. Most importantly, enjoy the trip.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

ThePunk75 Wins His 4th NPP Tilt of the Year!

ThePunk75 was also at his nimble best this evening.

He is back on a roll. ThePunk75 beats thirteen others to take the win and move into the top ranks of NPP winners. Nice job Punk.
Faldo seems to have moved from bubbling the Final Table, to bubbling the cash line, to bubbling the Winner’s Circle.
As a Bubble Master, I think the 2nd place bubble is the hardest to take. Trust me.
We welcome back Eyekall to the NPP felt and the NPP Standings Leader Board. Nice job.

Pre01 continues his streak of final tables and cashes also, taking over the lead in the 2nd Quarter race for a seat in the NPP Finals.
We missed Tomservo2 this evening. He registered but never made it to the felt. Faldo will find out what happened and report it.
On to the action:
12 min: Sandster89 (15th) sees his Nines and Twos lose to Eyekall’s Queens and Nines. Ouch!
38 min: Derf-63 (14th) Queen-high straight run into K9isadog’s Broadway straight! Ouch!
47 min: A short-stacked (SS) T3chlady (13th) with (44) and a SS Lump2 (12th) with (KJ) both lose to ThePunk75’s (99).
48 min: A SS 8thmile (11th) is double-teamed by K9isadog and the winner Mikeniks-Faldo, who hits trip Jacks.
51 min: 95corolla (10th) Missed hand as the table closes fast.
1st break:
ThePunk75   7730
Eyekall   4737
K9isadog   3319
Mikeniks-Faldo   3195
Pre01   1220
SpartanFlash   990
Suetman123   664
Absea98    610
Tomservo2   125

Lots of action early after the break!
62 min: SS Absea98 (9th) and SS SpartanFlash (8th) lose to Pre01’s pair of Aces.
63 min: Tomservo2 (7th) blinds out as he never showed.
67 min: A SS Suetman123 (6th) has to go with (AQ) and ThePunk75 calls with (T9) and the flop holds a [9]. Ouch!
79 min: K9isadog (5th) is double-teamed by Mikeniks-Faldo with (JJ) and ThePunk75 with (KQ) and a [Q] hits the river.
Discussion: ThePunk75 claims pre-flop and after a flop of [Ten – high], I should push and get him out of there. I say, not with Jacks. I guess if I am playing simply for the win, it’s the right move. But I think KK or AA, yes. JJ is vulnerable to too many over cards on a board that is going to run out, as is what happened.

Do you keep the 2nd Villain in to help take the short stack out (who is a dangerous player remember) , or do you get him out and try to go it alone, and possibly get called by trips or lose to the short-stack who might have been beat by the 2nd villain?

Or how about PokerStars doesn’t river Faldo just one time????? I know. Does Faldo want some cheese with that whine?

87 min: A SS Pre01 (4th) goes with (K5) and a flop of [KXX] and is called by ThePunk75 with (KJ).
98 min: A SS Eyekall (3rd) goes with (AJ) and loses to ThePunk75’s (7d 5d) which rolls out a full house for the Punk.

Heads Up:

ThePunk75     13000      -      Mikeniks-Faldo     9500

105 min:     ThePunk75     10000      -      Mikeniks-Faldo     12500

109 min:  Stack still the same size basically. Faldo raises, ThePunk re-raises leaving 4000 in his stack with the blinds at 150/300 and Faldo moves all in. ThePunk75 has (66). Do you call if you are ThePunk?

Faldo - holding (55), which is irrelevant at this time for the Punk - figures no way ThePunk calls without QQ thru AA, or AK. ThePunk75 calls and wins.

Another fine decision by Faldo, throwing away the chip lead on a move. The old “Action” Faldo folds his (55) and keeps the chip lead.
Or was it a weak call by ThePunk75? Did Faldo need AJ, AQ or 99-QQ to make this move?  Discussion?

110 min:     ThePunk75     17500      -      Mikeniks-Faldo     5000

113 min:  Mikeniks-Faldo (2nd) hits his straight, but ThePunk75 has a flush.

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 4rd NPP win of the year and his 14th over all!

1st – ThePunk75
2nd – Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd – Eyekall
4th – Pre01
5th – K9isadog
6th – Suetman123
7th – Tomservo2
8th – SpartanFlash
9th – Absea98
10th – 95corolla
11th – 8thmile
12th – Lump2
13th – T3chlady
14th – Derf-63
15th – Sanster98
The 2nd Quarter Standings and the Total Point Standings are on the right side of the blog!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Douge's Humor Corner - Faith and Passion Needed

Church Ladies With typewriters.
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
  • Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • I Golf on Fridays
  • Sue and her husband Frank went for counseling after 35 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Sue went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 years they had been married.
  • She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
  • Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Sue to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Frank watched with raised eyebrows!
  • Sue shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
  • The therapist turned to Frank and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week... Can you do this?"
  • Frank thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."
  • Wednesday, April 18, 2012

    Faldo's Golf Course Management: Bunkers

    Our beloved Faldo once again travels to foreign and exotic places in order to learn more about the great game of golf. In this installment Nik shares with us a public service announcement he recently filmed while on assignment in faraway Minnesota. This enlightening video reminds us of the value one should have for golf course bunkers.

    Watch and learn!

    Tuesday, April 17, 2012

    Pre01 Wins His 3rd NPP Tilt of the Year!

    Pre01 has all the ladies floored by his performance. He was one of the contenders in the 1st quarter is back at it now.

    Pre01 defeats a strong field of sixteen other players on a night when PokerStars was in the mood to chase us out of the poker room early. Short stacks never had a prayer of climbing back in it seemed. This was one of our shorter tourneys, even with a nice crowd.

    SpartanFlash takes the 2nd quarter lead and T3chlady is in second with both of them having strong performances in the first two rounds of this quarter. Nice job!

    On to the action:

    29 min: A short-stacked (SS) LittleRedElf (17th) sees his A-high lose to K9isadog’s pair of Jacks.

    31 min: A SS Absea98 (16th) has to go with (KJ) but 8thmile has (AT).
    38 min: Eyekall (15th) has (AQ) and an [A] on the flop. ThePunk75 has (TT) and a [T] hits the river! Ouch!

    44 min: A SS Sanster89 (14th) runs into K9isadog’s (AA).
    47 min: A SS Wingsfancurt (13th) sees his (AJ) run into Pre01’s (AA). The short-stacks seem to be running into brick walls.

    50 min: Lump2 (12th) sees his (JJ) lose to Suetman123’s (AT) with an [A] on the flop.
    51 min: A SS Bigbrimar (11th) runs into SpartanFlash’s flush. More brick walls.
    51 min: ThePunk75’s (10th) Missed hand as the table closes fast.

    1st break:
    Derf-63 5748
    Pre01 4047
    Suetman123 3411
    K9isadog 2772
    SpartanFlash 2575
    ThePunk75 2345
    T3chlady 2107
    Mikeniks-Faldo 1400
    8thmile 1095

    67 min: ThePunk76 (9th) has (AQ) and the flop has an [A] in it. But Pre01 has (AK)! After this, the table settles in for a while.

    88 min: Suetman123 (8th) hits two pair on the flop holding (A8). Pre01 has (KK) and hits a [K] on the turn.

    95 min: A SS Mikeniks-Faldo (7th) goes with (A4) and runs into K9isadog’s (AT).
    100 min: A SS Derf-63 (6th) has to go with (KT) and a flop of [2KA]. Pre01 calls with (QJ) and a [T] hits the turn! Ouch!

    104 min: PokerStars now clears them out in a hurry. A SS 8thmile (5th) with (44) is called by SpartanFlash’s (AT) and a [T] and [A] hit the board.

    105 min: A SS T3chlady (4th) goes with (T8) and a flop of [Ts 6h Js] and is called by SpartanFlash with (As 2s) and the third spade hits on the river.

    100 min: K9isadog (3rd) goes with (99) and loses to Pre01’s (TT).
    106 min: SpartanFlash (2nd) goes with (QT), but Pre01 has (KJ).

    Congratulations to Pre01 on his 3rd NPP win of the year!

    1st – Pre01
    2nd – SpartanFlash
    3rd – K9isadog
    4th – T3chlady
    5th – 8thmile Tomservo2
    6th – Derf-63
    7th – Mikeniks-Faldo
    8th – Suetman123
    9th – ThePunk75
    10th – 95corolla
    11th – Bigbrimar
    12th – Lump2Sanster89
    13th – Wingsfancurt
    14th – Sanster98
    15th – Eyekall
    16th - Absea98
    17th - LittleRedElf

    The 2nd quarter standings and the total point standings are on the right side of the blog!

    An Important Announcement for all NPP readers

    Sunday, April 15, 2012

    Community Card Review: Liberalism is a Lie, as are the People Who Are Liberals

    NBC doctored the tape of George Zimmerman’s 911 call prior to the shooting of Trayvon Martin.

    ABC doctored a video tape to hide the injuries to Zimmerman’s head as he was lead to a police station for questioning after the shooting.

    CNN doctored an audio tape of the 911 call, trying to make it appear that Zimmerman said, “Fxxxing coon” instead of what he did say, “It’s fxxxing cold.”

    In order to stoke the racial angle, the New York Times reported that Zimmerman was a 'white Hispanic.' Funny, I never heard the NY Times refer to Obama as a 'white African.'

    Media polls that they claim represent public opinion, always interview more Democrats than Republicans. Sometimes at a 80 to 20 ratio – democrats over republicans.

    The media ran story after story on how $3 gas – some of the time- under George Bush, was destroying poor Americans and making Bush’s oil buddies rich. Now gas is a $5 a gallon permanently and the media is reporting on how all of us have ‘adjusted well’ to the change.

    Environmental scientists were proven to have falsified data and reports in order to push the “Global Warming” hoax.

    The Environmental Protection Agency produced fraudulent videos to show possible risks associated with a method of oil production known as ‘fracking’, in order to stop the production of oil.

    The media ran story after story about how 5% unemployment under George Bush was ‘the worst economy since the Great Depression.’ Now, unemployment is at 14% and we are told by the media, this is the “new norm.”

    The Labor Department fudges the unemployment figures every single time they are officially reported. How do I know? A week or two after they are released for media reporting, they are always “adjusted” and are always much worse than originally stated. That correction IS NOT reported by the media.

    The Obama Administration lied about the cost of Obamacare prior to the vote.

    The Obama Administration lied about the fact Medicare funding is significantly cut in order to fund it.

    The Obama Administration lied about the “death panels” that are in the Obamacare bill.

    The Obama Administration lied about the fact that everyone will lose their current healthcare plans under Obamacare.

    The Obama Administration lied about the fact that every citizen will be FORCED to buy health insurance FROM the GOVERNMENT.

    The Obama Administration lied about the fact that in Obamacare, the doctor will have to get permission from Washington before treating you for anything considered by the government to be “serious.”

    The Obama Administration lied about the Stimulus Bill making “shovel ready” jobs, and Obama laughed about it later.

    Democrats, liberals, progressives, socialists and communists MUST lie in order to survive. They have to lie to themselves - and especially to you.

    Democrats overwhelmingly are against voter identification prior to voting, and all voter validation after voting has taken place. Is there any doubt as to why that is?

    Democrats and liberals rarely stand up and identify themselves as to what they are - and that they hate our capitalist system, and hate our Constitution that limits government powers.

    Conservatives always admit their love for our Constitution, our liberty and the freedom of the capitalist system.

    Now you know why. Democrats are liars. They have to be or liberalism collapses.

    Tuesday, April 10, 2012

    Tomservo2 Wins His 7th NPP Event

    Multiple choice: Which girl was the most impressed with Tomservo2’s win?

    Tomservo2 made short work of a short field of twelve players to take the early lead in the 2nd Quarter standings.

    We welcome back an old friend at NPP tonight; SpartanFlash. And he returned in a big way! Good to see you Ron.

    Faldo is a little disappointed with the turnout. After all, it was a perfect night to snuggle up by the warmth of the computer monitor and play some cards with friends. But, sometimes life interrupts poker. There were some live games being hosted this evening.

    On to the action:

    21 min: A short-stacked (SS) Lump2 (12th) goes with (AK) and SpartanFlash has to call with (Ad Qd) and three diamonds are on the board by the turn.

    30 min: Eyekall (11th) two pair runs into SpartanFlash’s higher two pair.
    40 min: A SS Wingsfancurt’s (10th) loses to LittleRedElf’s (77).
    43 min: A SS Suetman123 (9th) sees her (Kh Jh) lose to Tomservo2’s (AQ).

    1st break:
    Tomservo2 5503
    SpartanFlash 3070
    Mikeniks-Faldo 2775
    T3chlady 2695
    Derf-63 1800
    ThePunk75 1423
    Absea98 707
    LittleRedElf 27

    63 min: Having lost to Derf-63’s full house at the break, LittleRedElf (8th) was a major SS when T3chlady took him out with trip sixes.

    65 min: A SS Absea98 (7th) runs into Tomservo2’s straight.
    87 min: A SS Mikeniks- Faldo (6th) loses a coin flip with (KQ) to SpartanFlash’s (TT).
    88 min: ThePunk75 (5th) with (66) cannot catch T3chlady’s (TT).
    96 min: A SS SpartanFlash (4th) goes with a pair of Nines and runs into Derf-63’s two pair..

    104 min: Derf-63 (3rd) sees his Queens over Jacks two pair lost to Tomservo2’s Aces over Jacks two pair. Ouch!

    Heads up: Tomservo2 12500 - T3chlady 5500
    105 min: Tomservo2 12500 - T3chlady 5500

    110 min: This is a back breaker! T3chlady (2nd) has to go with (Q2) and a flop and turn of [262K]. Tomservo2 has to call with (K5). A [K] hits the river! Wow ….and ouch!

    Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 7th NPP win!

    1st – Tomservo2
    2nd – T3chlady
    3rd – Derf-63
    4th – SpartanFlash
    5th – ThePunk75
    6th – Mikeniks-Faldo
    7th – Absea98
    8th – LittleRedElf
    9th – Suetman123
    10th – Wingsfancurt
    11th – Eyekall
    12th – Lump2

    The 2nd Quarter Standings and Total Point standings are on the right side of the blog!

    Sunday, April 08, 2012

    Community Card Review: Let’s See How the Democrats Like Their Wealth Being Stolen? Eh….Not So Much!

    Ah, the Democrat way.

    A long time Democrat Campaign Treasurer, Kinde Durkee, has been arrested on suspicion of fraud. No shock there. She's a Democrat.

    But in this case, she is accused of stealing $7 million from her clients, which are wealthy Democrats and Democrat donor collection organizations.

    According to the Federal Attorney’s office in Sacramento, Durkee has been at it for over a decade. She used richer people’s money to cover her own business and personal expenses. Things like her American Express bill, vacations, places to stay and to fund the employee’s pension funds at her company.

    Durkee had access to over 700 Democrat accounts and is accused of robbing them blind. She will be facing charges and will probably get a plea deal offer.

    Let’s look at what she is charged with:

    1. Using other people’s money to fund her own pet projects (sounds like the Stimulus Bill)

    2. Using other people’s money to fund specific pension funds, which means they were under-funded in the first place and will be in trouble again soon. (Sounds like the Stimulus Package and the take over of the auto companies)

    3. Stealing from people richer than herself, confiscating their wealth, and using it for her own use, to benefit herself more than anyone else (Sounds like the entire plank of the Democrat Party)

    That’s a Democrat all right. Why is it ok for Democrats to do these same acts to the people of the United States, but it is wrong for Kinde Durkee to do it to them?

    Kinde Durkee is Barack Hussein Obama. Durkee's crime was not using the Democrats and professional and amateur communist activists - who use the power of government and mob rule - to rob all citizens or their wealth, not just rich Democrats.

    Kinde Durkee is accused of using other people’s money to pay for her life.

    She is the quintessential Democrat. Pure and simple.

    For those of you in Ann Arbor, "quintessential" means she is a perfect example of a Democrat.

    Saturday, April 07, 2012

    Faldo Wins 225-Player Rise Poker Tourney

    The most important thing is to always be yourself. Always be yourself.

    Unless you can be Faldo. ALWAYS be Faldo!

    Francesca Lodo can't be Faldo, so sneaking into the NPP Lounge to be near Faldo will have to do. Lucky girl.

    At the post - tournament press conference, Faldo had this statement:

    "Faldo would like to thank all the little people who have helped Faldo get to this point - a tournament winner!

    Faldo would like to thank my coaches, my friends whom Faldo had discussed poker hands and strategy with over the years, and especially my opponents. Because after all, you can pick up knowledge thru both their good plays and bad plays over the course of playing.

    So, Faldo would like to thank each and every one of you. Faldo really would.

    But Faldo can't. Because Faldo did it all by himself." [Cue the applause track. No! The heavy applause track.]

    The tournament boiled down to this hand really. Ten person final table, six people left. Faldo sat comfortably (20 big blinds) in 5th in chips. Everyone was pretty close in chips. Only #6 was really short-stacked. The villian was in 3rd place.

    Faldo is in the big blind with (7s 5d), when the button min raises and the small blind (chip leader - 30 big blinds) calls. Faldo calls also.

    The flop is [5s 2s 9h] and the small blind checks. Faldo bets about a quarter of the pot. The button re-raises half the pot and the small blind folds.

    Now for some history. Since we sat down at this final table, this villian has folded only 3 hands out of 20 and had not raised maybe only 6 hands out of 20. He has won a few and lost a few, but he is obviously playing to win or go home.

    Well, he probably is home, but you know what I mean.

    Faldo decides that the villian has A3, A4, or a flush draw. If he has A9 or trips, then his aggressive behavior thus far earned him my suicide plunge.

    Faldo moves all-in, expecting a fold or a insta-call with a dominating hand.

    The villian calls with (Ks 2h)! Faldo's pair of fives holds on and now Faldo has the chip lead and cruises to victory.

    But who makes this call with bottom pair and only a backdoor flush draw for their tournament life at the final table with a decent stack?

    Oh, did I mention this tourney is for play chips and a seat in a money tournament we all already qualified for by making the final table?

    Hey, where is everyone going? Faldo was going to allow another press conference at
    Buffalo Wild Wings where everyone could buy Faldo some beers. Come back!

    Faldo was knocked out early in the money tourney when his (JJ) got spiked by an (AK).

    Friday, April 06, 2012

    The NPP Staff is Prepared For Any Emergency!

    No more Taco Bell burritos, Coney Joe's Chili Dogs or Buffalo Wild Wings mango-habanero wings with a Nacho on the side for Faldo!

    Well, not in the same day anyway.

    Thursday, April 05, 2012

    Douge2's Humor Corner: Too Much and Too Little Information

    A Gripping Tale

    Tim and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. 

    Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Tim became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

    On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Dorothy to a fine restaurant.

    While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"

    Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Tim, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker."


"I see," Tim replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

    Always Get a Second Opinion

    The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

    The bad news is that it will require castration.

    You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates a very bad headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

    Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

    He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'

    He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
    The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'

    Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
    'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

    Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

    Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

    Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
    'Been in the business 60 years.'

    Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

    Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
    The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.

    Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

    The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

    Tuesday, April 03, 2012

    LittleRedElf Wins the 1st Seat in the NPP Final!

    That is correct little missy. You always have to look up to see LittleRedElf in the NPP standings.

    With his 15th NPP win, the master, LittleRedElf overtakes the leaders to steal the seat away from a host of pursuers.

    With a late rush, LittleRedElf had two wins, a second and a third in the last six tourneys! Against the NPP field, that is no small accomplishment.

    On the bright side, the rest of the league does not have to worry about Elf the rest of the season. If he is ahead of you, he doesn’t affect you at all. He already has his seat, so he can’t steal your spot – either for the last 3 seats or the total points at-large seats.

    Whew! That is a relief.

    On to the action:

    28 min: Derf-63 (13th) I was playing my hand on the other table and missed this.
    39 min: A short-stacked (SS) Sandster (12th) goes with a pair of Fours but 8thmile had a pair of Sixes.

    35 min: 8thmile (11th) runs into Suetman123’s (AA).
    51 min: ThePunk75’s (10th) title hopes are dashed as he is double-teamed by LittleRedElf and the winner, Suetma123 with (AA).

    1st break:
    Suetman123 5345
    Mikeniks-Faldo 3220
    Pre01 2710
    Tomservo2 2350
    K9isadog 1560
    LittleRedElf 1495
    T3chlady 1165
    95corolla 880
    Absea98 775

    72 min: A SS 95corolla (9th) is double-teamed by Mikeniks-Faldo and the winner Tomservo2 with two pair.

    76 min: A SS Absea98 (8th) is double-teamed by Suetman123 and the winner, Mikeniks-Faldo with a pair of Kings.

    83 min: A SS Pre01 (7th) with (A8) loses to K9isadog’s (55). Pre01 now has to see if the rest of the field can hold off LittleRedElf, who needs a 2nd place finish, or at least a 3rd if K9isadog wins it. K9isadog needs a win and a LRE 4th or lower finish. Very exciting.

    87 min: A SS Suetman123 (6th) loses to Mikeniks-Faldo’s straight.

    91 min: Tomservo2 (5th) with (AQ) cannot catch LittleRedElf’s (KK).

    97 min: LittleRedElf clinches the 1st quarter seat as a SS T3chlady (4th) is double-teamed by LittleRedElf and the winner, Mikeniks-Faldo who has a pair of Aces.

    100 min: A dejected K9isadog (3rd) goes with his pair of Nines (98) and a flop with a [9] in it. But LittleRedElf has (Q9). Ouch!

    Heads up: Mikeniks-Faldo 10500 - LittleRedElf 9000
    105 min: Mikeniks-Faldo 12500 - LittleRedElf 7000
    110 min: Mikeniks-Faldo 15300 - LittleRedElf 3200

    2nd break;
    115 min: Mikeniks-Faldo 10900 - LittleRedElf 8600

    Right back where we started as Faldo’s trips are beat by a LRE flush. Faldo can feel the cards and momentum swing right there.

    122 min: There is a raise and a call and a flop of [8s6hTs]. Faldo bets with (A6) and gets re-raised all-in by LittleRedElf with (As 9s). Faldo thinks for a while and folds the leading hand, and LRE’s over-card counterfeited. We will never know the outcome of this hand, but based on the next one, but Faldo would have rather made his stand here. Faldo is now 2nd in chips.

    124 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (2nd) has to go with (A7) and a flop of [689]. Faldo moves all in really expecting a fold, but LittleRedElf calls with (A9). A reverse of the 122 minute hand as LRE has the pair and Faldo has the draw. Faldo’s over-card is of course counterfeited and Faldo don’t get the straight either.

    Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 15th NPP win and on clinching the 1st seat in the NPP Finals!

    1st – LittleRedElf
    2nd – Mikeniks-Faldo
    3rd – K9isadog
    4th – T3chlady
    5th – Tomservo2
    6th – Suetman123
    7th – Pre01
    8th – Absea98
    9th – 95corolla
    10th – ThePunk75
    11th – 8thmile
    12th – Sanster89
    13th – Derf-63

    The total point standings are on the right side of the blog!

    Sunday, April 01, 2012

    Douge2’s Birthday Bash a Success – Faldo Finishes 5th in Douge2’s Tourney

    It was a great Man’s Night Out Party for Douge2’s ‘29th’ birthday. Held at the Brookside Golf Club, the view out the window of the banquet room showed us wild turkeys and dozens of deer wandering around the fairways. A beautiful site!

    As you can see, Julia Georges was looking at nature as well.

    The menu was a nearly all venison spread, including;
    Fawn in a bacon wrap
    Sloppy Does
    White Tail Bruchetta

    Along with chips, dips, salsa, beans, cole slaw, and I know I am leaving out some stuff. Brownies and Killians Red was for dessert. Well, the Killians was dessert for Faldo all night.

    Douge2 was still one of the four remaining (even with a bounty on his head!) when Faldo got (AQ) in the big blind and an [A] flopped. I moved in and was called by the small blind who slow played (AK).

    I slow play and I get a set shoved up my nose – and no, not Julia’s set either.

    A good time was had by all. Here is hoping Douge2 will fill in the blanks after Faldo headed out to go home and burn every Ace and Queen in all his decks of cards.