Saturday, August 05, 2017

Douge2 Wins for the 4th Time in 2017

Four cheers for Douge2!
Faldo missed the festivities due to a family get together for Faldo's 26th birthday - or was it 62nd? Either way Faldo is 86 physically and 6 maturity level.

Douge2 took care of business and here are the other point getters and notable finisher:
2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - Absea98
4th - LittleRedElf
Bubble - 95corolla

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 26th NPP win and moving up the Walk of Fame!

Now for a little news in case you missed it - and if you watch the main stream media, you did:

Hillary Clinton used the State Department as her own 'pay to play' money making scheme. She sold out the United States for cash and did it on an unsecured server exposing national secrets to the world. She is still walking the streets and pedaling a book someone else wrote for her.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz had a Pakistani national as her computer guru. She gave him access to US government files and secrets, allowed him to make around $4 million in a house trading ponzi scheme defraudiing banks, and kept him on the payroll even after there was a warrant for his arrest. This is the woman that also help rig the Democrat presidential primary so that an admitted socialist/communist Bernie Sanders would not win the nomination for president. She is still walking the streets.

James Commie, the fired FBI director leaked classified information to the media. He also disclosed the crimes of Hillary Clinton and told the world that "he and no reasonable person" would prosecute her for obvious crimes against the United State. He is now peddling a book instead of being arrested for treason.

Members of the Obama Administration - too numerous to name - have all been exposed to have committed crimes against the United States or its citizens, and are still walking the streets.

Meanwhile the Republican Party continues to aid and abet the Democrats in eliminating United States sovereignty and begin a one - government world, while ignoring the citizens of the United States and what they demanded in the last election; i.e, closed borders, tax cuts, repealing Obamacare, fixing the VA, building the Wall and rebuilding our military.

Politicians are above the law unless the main stream media says it is OK to prosecute. Then only conservatives can be prosecuted.

Welcome to the Banana Republic of the Divided States!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

KingBing420 Wins Twice in a Row!

Erika Mountinho has nothing on KingBing420
Planting herself right into the 3rd quarter race for the seat in the NPP final! Let's look at the people left in her dust as she vanquished a twelve and a thirteen player field for the wins!

1st Victory:
2nd - 95corolla
3rd - GMOgolf
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - Derf-63

2nd Victory:
2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - GMOgolf
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - Mikeniks-Faldo

Congratulations to KingBing420 on her 9th and 10th NPP victory and for moving up the Walk of Fame!

Now some quotes from a Founding Father - Thomas Jefferson.

"When we get piled up upon one another in large cities - like in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe."

And where are the corrupt liberal-Democrat-Communist cesspools located? Tom and Faldo rest our case.

"The republic will cease to exist whey you take money away from those willing to work and give it to those who will not."

Ya think?

"I predict future happiness for this country if the citizens can prevent the government from wasting the labor of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."

Well, that kind of puts 'free' healthcare, drug laws, and welfare into the bucket of slavery doesn't it?

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government is the result of too much government."

And history repeats itself.

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves from the tyranny of government."

This explains the hatred for the 2nd Amendment by the liberal-Democrat-Communists.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

It's delayed slightly, but this time is fast approaching. You will soon have to decide if you are a patriot or a subject. Just look at how the Democrats and most of the Republicans are acting. The people's wishes are being ignored.

Once the government controls and decides if you are getting healthcare - or not, they got you under their boot. Keep that in mind when you listen to the "Replace" part of the current discussion.

Obamacare or Trumpcare is still tyranny.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 7th Time in 2017

Tomservo2 is just too cool under pressure.
Tomservo2 is the man this year! His seventh victory of the season! He is winning even though he already has a seat in the NPP final. Competitors need to compete and he is just doing what he does - play great poker!

2nd - T3chlady
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - Absea98

Congratulation to Tomservo2 on his 28th NPP win!

Now for a dose of Faldo truth:

I have been quiet on the political scene lately. I didn't feel the need to say much since our country came to it's senses in the nick of time.God's hand was in the Trump victory. He and He alone got the Democrats to run the second worst candidate they have ever ran (Obama was easily the worst), the most crooked candidate they ever ran (and that took some doing), the laziest candidate they ever ran and the most conceded.

Then God got enough sane Americans to ignore the fake polls produced by the communist United States press corps and get out and vote anyway.

Then God had to make sure the voter cheating by the Democrats was not enough to overcome real voting.

God did not have to make the Democrats lazy and arrogant - they are that all by themselves. But with victory assured, they simply did not cheat well enough. But God did get the American vote out. And for that we should thank God daily.

In Faldo's never humble opinion, Donald Trump has been given the 'talking to.' He has been told how things really are, how they will be and how his Secret Service detail can have a lapse at any time - either around him or any or all of his family.

This is the reason Donald Trump is not doing what the man that got elected said he was going to do - "DRAIN THE SWAMP". It is the reason the President is not:
  • calling every Republican out "by name" that will not vote to repeal Obamacare
  • calling every Republican out "by name" who will not pass the promised tax cuts and simplifications
  • never allow or fire the special prosecutor the minute he was appointed
  • order the wall built immediately.
President Trump can leave it to Faldo to say some of the truths he cannot say as the President of every citizen of the United States. And that is:
  •  Every Democrat is a socialist or communist and a traitor to the United States
  • Every journalist is a socialist, communist, traitor to the United States or a useful idiot tool used by the Democrats. 
  • Every citizen still voting Democrat is a socialist, communist, traitor to the United States or a useful idiot tool used by the Democrats. 
Either way these Democrats and their voters are enemies of the Constitution of the United States and therefore enemies of this country.

Faldo admits some are just weak, scared, lazy and dumb people who are scared to death that they cannot be self sufficient or survive on their own. They need the government 'nanny' the Democrats always promise. What they fail to realize is the Democrats - just like the Devil - take away their freedom, their self respect, their futures and their freedoms for the handouts.

Our nation was formed by people fleeing the type of government the Democrats are trying to put in.

But I digress. It is painfully obvious the Democrats and most of the Republicans ARE the swamp. Trump now realizes how far gone this country is. All he can do is delay the inevitable. UNLESS -

the American voter can replace current Republicans at primary time with real conservatives.

What are the chances of that?

God - we need your help yet again.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Derf-63 Wins Two (Wins Five and Six of 2017)!

Derf-63 wins two!
Somebody is trying to capture the 3rd quarter of the NPP seat chase early. But the joke is on Derf-63 because he already has a seat in the NPP final by winning the FIRST time in this streak.
Ha-ha - the joke is on Derf. We are letting him win......I hope!
Hopefully he will take it easy on the rest of us and let us have a little glory. Or.....probably not!

Two weeks ago:
2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - Mikeniks_Faldo
Bubble - Tigercub8189

Last week:
2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Sanster89
Bubble - Absea98

So the race for the 3rd quarter seat is still open. Please ignore the mean spirited Derf-63 as he has the nerve to continually show us how much of a better poker player he is than the rest of us.
Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 34th and 35th NPP victories!

Now for a glimpse into the scientific world:

Scientists for Health in Canada suggested than men should take a look at their beer consumption. Recent analysis of beer suggests a presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that men drinking beer will cause then to develop female traits.

Many men's clubs disputed this claim and volunteered for testing.

So 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was observed that 100% of the men:

Gained weight
Talked excessively without making any sense
Became overly emotional
Could not drive
Failed to think rationally
Argued over nothing
and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Monday, June 26, 2017

LittleRedElf Wins for the 5th time in 2017

LittleRedElf is flooring the competition ....and his fans!
LittleRedElf, back from a nice run in a World Series of Poker event, returns to NPP to show us who "da man" is!

The winning-est player in NPP history takes the first tourney of the 3rd quarter. But he did so last quarter before being run down by Derf-63. Plenty of time left to win a seat in the NPP final. Come and join us for the best online tournament in the world.

2nd - Tomservo2 (Tom continues to crush us!)
3rd - 95corolla
4th - TooBigAKQ
Bubble - who else? Mikeniks-Faldo

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 36th NPP win!

And now the last of Murphy's Laws:

Never argue with a fool. People may not know the difference.

A penny saved.....is not worth very much.

Every home repair or improvement you try and do will take twice the time you thought it would, cost three times more than you thought it would and not be near as nice as you hoped it would be.

The chances of being seen by someone who knows you are dramatically increased by your desire to not be seen by anyone who knows you.

There is no such thing as a free lunch.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything good in life is illegal, immoral, fattening or unhealthy.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Derf-63 Wins, then Douge2 Wins - but Derf-63 Wins 2nd Quarter!

The Derf-n-Douge Fan Club at the After Party Party in an unnamed NPP suite.
Faldo apologizes for not posting in a timely matter. Several life things came up; severe cold, doctor visits, busy work schedule that had to be made up, golf vacation, then more work that had to be made up, blah, blah, blah.

It's called life and we don't always get to do what we want to do.

Unless of course you are an illegal alien or a Bernie Sanders/Hillary Clinton supporter - who are all  law breakers and enemies of the Constitution of the United States. Then you get free reign to break laws, riot, bomb, and shoot and kill people.

But I digress. Where was Faldo?

Oh, poker supremacy. Right.

2 weeks ago:
1st - Derf-63
2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - GMOgolf
Bubble - T3chlady

Last week:
1st - Douge2
2nd -KingBing420
3rd - Absea98
Bubble - T3chlady (two in a row? Ouch Lady! Faldo thought only Faldo did that.)

That was Douge2's 3rd win of the season and his 25th NPP win of all time. Congratualtions!
That was Derf-63's 4th win of the season, 3rd this quarter - which is why he won the 2nd quarter! - and his 33rd win of all time!

Congratulations to Derf-63 on both accomplishments!

I also need to add that if eligible for this quarter - Tomservo2 would have won back to back quarters!!
Great job Tomservo2!

Now more of Murphy's Laws:

You can never be too rich or too good looking.

Anything dropped while repairing a car will immediately roll to the center most area where you cannot reach it.

Every repairman will never have seen the model you have, the problem you have or have the part you need with him.

A faulty appliance when demonstrated for the repairman - will work flawlessly.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and an idiot something to stick in his mouth.

Never eat yellow snow.

In any big company, every individual will rise to his level of complete incompetence - and will be left there.

If everything appears to be going well for you, then you obviously don't realize what is going on.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation or flat out deception, then no one will be at fault (can you spell Congress?).

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Monday, June 05, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 6th Time in 2017

The rest of NPP has started to drink heavily to ease their pain of Tomservo2 beat down.
Well Tomservo2 is on pace to set a record for season wins. And please don't tell the leaders for the 2nd quarter seat that they would be a distant second to Tomservo2 if he was eligible for this quarter. After all, he already won the 1st quarter.

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Derf-63
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - Mikeniks-Faldo

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 27th NPP win!

Now some more of Murphy's Laws:

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

The chance of a jelly covered piece of bread falling face down on the carpet is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

No matter how long you shop for an item you want, the price will drop right after you purchase it.

No one's life, liberty or property is safe when Congress is in session.

The other line always moves faster.

Anything you try to do yourself will cost way more and take way longer than you ever thought it would.

A $1000 television will burn up in order to protect a $1 fuse or $10 plug surge protector.

If it jams or is stuck, force it with a hammer if necessary. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.


Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Little Red Elf Wins for the 4th Time in 2017

An Elf groupie waits for him in his NPP suite.
Faldo lost heads up again to LittleRedElf. Faldo is changing his handle to CantBeattheElf!
And of course the Elf moves into the race for the second quarter seat! Good luck to the rest of the field as we are going to need it!

2nd - Cant Beat the Elf - Mike Niks-Faldo
3rd - Tigercub8189
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - T3chlady

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 35th NPP win.

Now some more laws from Murphy:

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

An Ounce of Image is Worth a Pound of Performance.

You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

There's never time to do it right, but there is always time to do it over.

When is trouble, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

It is morally wrong to let a sucker keep his money.

A bird in hand is safer than a bird overhead.

The light at the end of the tunnel is usually an oncoming freight train.

More next week.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Derf-63 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2017

Derf-63's poker skills are flooring his groupies back in his NPP hotel suite.
This aggressive player you can never count out. His all or nothing style serves him well enough on this night - beating a field of 13 players.

2nd - Sanster89
3rd - TooBIGAKQ
4th - Douge2
Bubble - LittleRedElf

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 32nd NPP win!

Now a few other laws from Murphy:

No good deed goes unpunished.

Leakproof seals will, self starters will not, interchangable parts won't.

Nature is a mother.

90% of everything is crap.

Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.

Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

If you try and please everyone, it will please no one.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, at the worst possible moment.

Every solution brings a whole new set of problems.

More next week.




Saturday, May 13, 2017

Theedouble*d Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

Theedouble*d floors Melanie Adams with his skills - poker and otherwise.
Theedouble*d just let the rest of the NPP stable not to forget about him.......as he is 'still heeeerrrrr.'
He defeats a field of 14 to get back in the 2nd quarter race.

2nd - Tomservo2
3rd - T3chlady
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - Sanster89

Congratulations to Theedouble*d on his 23rd NPP win!

Now for a religious lesson:

A Girl's Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray Lord you find me a man who is not a creep.
One who is handsome, smart and strong,
And he has a willy that is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait weeks.
I pray that is is gainfully employed.
And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
And knows what to say when I ask, "How is my behind?"
One who will make love til my body is twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen.
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to sleep with my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I listen to the snoring of the idiot you sent me instead.
Amen

A Boy's Prayer

Lord,
I pray for a girl with big boobs!
Amen

Friday, May 05, 2017

Derf-63 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

One of his many groupies waits in the cabana on the NPP Hawaii beach for Derf.
Derf-63, rested and back from Hawaii, says aloha to the rest of the field and beats a field of 13. He also climbs back into the race for the 2nd quarter seat in the NPP final.

2nd - Johnnied55
3rd - Tomservo2
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 31st NPP win!

Now not to pick on lawyers, but:

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a big truck passed too close and completely tore off his door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately called 9-1-1, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are, " he said. "you are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off by the truck."

"My God!", screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 5th time in 2017

Tomservo2 makes it 5 NPP rings this year.
Tomservo2 doesn't need to, but he continues to make short work of the NPP field. Tom already has the 1st quarter seat, but the competitive fire still burns. And Tom moves up the Walk of Fame!

2nd - Douge2
3rd - LittleRedElf
Bubble - KingBing420

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 26th NPP win.

Now for a story from one of my relative's past:

A mafia Godfather accompanied by his attorney walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you."

So the attorney signs the question to the accountant. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather what he said.

The Godfather pulls a big pistol out of his pocket and puts it to the accountant's head and says to the lawyer, "Ask him again."

The lawyer does and the accountant says this time, "OK, the money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather say, "Well......what did he say?"

The attorney interprets, "He said - Go to hell and you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."






Friday, April 21, 2017

Douge2 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

Danielle Montgomery waits for Douge2 in the NPP Country Club shower/bath.
Leave it to Douge2 to leave his mark on every quarter of NPP history. He jumps into the 2nd quarter fray with this victory in a field of 14.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Absea98
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tomservo2

Still plenty of time to catch the leaders here in the 2nd Quarter race. See you Tuesday.

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 24th NPP victory!

Now for some useful health tips:

It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life. This enables you at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 a month.

The only reason Faldo would exercise at this point in his life ....is to hear heavy breathing again.

Faldo did join a health club at the cost of $500. Have not lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

Faldo likes long walks .....taken by people who annoy me.

Faldo does not exercise because it makes me spill my beer.

And some common sense truths:

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

There is not one shred of evidence to support the notion that life should be taken seriously.

It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Bills travel thru the mail at twice the speed of paychecks.

Junk is something you keep for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.


Every time they make something idiot-proof, they build a bigger idiot.

How to measure the sanity of a liberal:
Ask them to name one successful liberal program or idea.
Then record the time it takes them to give up before their head explodes.
They will call you a name or walk away, and then you stop the timer.
The quicker they reach that point, the greater their mental illness.

If they are still trying to think of one after a half-hour, you may have a liberal that can be cured.
At least the brain is trying to function and reach the truth that there has never been one.
Feel free to stop them at this point and explain that there isn't any.
They will not accept that right away, but at least their brain is trying to bring them back to the real world. Give them time to heal themselves.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Greggst49 Wins for the 1st Time at NPP!

One of Greg's groupie's waits patiently for his return to his NPP suite.
Welcome to the Walk of Fame Greg, as you become the 78th person to win a tournament at NPP! He defeats a field of 15 to get his first win, and jump into the race for the 2nd quarter seat. Way to close the deal Greg!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Derf-63
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - Douge2

Still time to become a factor in the 2nd quarter seat chase. See you Tuesday night!

Congratulations to Greggst49 on his 1st NPP victory!

The Rules - From the Guy's Side:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it is up, put it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can come up with the perfect gift......yet again.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.

1. Do not ask what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss; the upcoming game times, golf tee times, fantasy draft trades, whether 'those' over there are real or what is the world record for belly button lint and am I in the running?

1. Sunday sports are like the moon and the tides changing. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport or quality time with you. And no, we will never think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints, strong hints, and obvious hints don't work. Just say it.

1. We don't remember dates. Fill out a calendar and place it where we will see it frequently. Then remind us to look at it. Then remind us important dates are coming up and to check said calendar.

1. 'Yes' and 'no' are perfectly good answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem you want solved. If you want really just want to whine, complain, get it off you chest or get sympathy, that's what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything guys say 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all guy comments are null and void after 7 days.

1. If you don't dress like Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Matter of fact, still don't 'expect' it, but your odds are a little better.

1. If something can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you angry.....we meant it the other way.

1. We will ogle. It is in our DNA. It's genetic. Let it be.

1. All these rules are all #1, on purpose.

Thursday, April 06, 2017

KingBing420 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2017

Phil Ivey has got nothin on KingBing420.
KingBing420 is figuring it out obviously and is in serious contention to clinch a seat in the second quarter. But there is plenty of time for all players to get back in contention. See you at the virtual tables on PokerStars.net on Tuesday night.

2nd - Absea98
3rd - Douge2
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulation to KingBing420 on her 8th NPP win.

Now an NPP moment of Zen:

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of 1,000 miles starts begins with.....a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that is the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you are not getting any.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple car payments.

Before you criticize anyone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.

Don't worry. It is only kinky the first time.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them work.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

We are born naked, wet and hungry and get slapped in the ass. Then things get worse.


Thursday, March 30, 2017

LittleRedElf Wins for the 3rd Time in 2017

LittleRedElf flips the NPP competition.
The King of NPP - LittleRedElf wins again and takes the early lead in the 2nd Quarter race. The Elf is the wrong person to give a lead to.

You guys........give the lead to Faldo! He had the lead in all four quarters last year at some point and never won a quarter. Now that is someone to give a lead to. NOT ELF!!

2nd - Tomservo2
3rd - Absea98
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble Rjmech

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 34th NPP win!

Now another rendition of why it is a Man's World!

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park.

The world is your urinal.

Wrinkles on your face add character.

Wedding dress: $5000 - Tux rental $200

A seven day vacation takes one suit case.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes is plenty.

You can watch a 3-hour sports event with your buddy and never say a word, and never think "maybe he is mad at me."

The same hair style lasts for years ....maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

You can do your nails with a pocketknife, or clean your ears with your keys.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

KingBing420 Wins for the 2nd Time - but Tomservo2 Wins 1st Quarter of 2017

The men can't handle KingBing's game.
KingBing420 took down the nightly tourney, but Tomservo2 held on to win the 1st quarter. That is two years in a row Tom got his seat in the Finals early. Nice going Tom.

And nice going Nancy (KB420) on your second win of the year. The 2nd quarter starts next week so......get in here!

2nd - Theedouble*d
3rd - T3chlady
Bubble - Tomservo2

Congratulations to KingBing420 on her 7th NPP win - and moving up the Walk of Fame!

Now some fun facts:

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the sensors of the mosquito.

American car horns are in the tone of F.

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

In a year, donkeys kill more people than airplanes.

One in four Americans has appeared on television.

You burn more calories sleeping than watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are at least 50 years old.

The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747 has a wingspan longer than the Wright Brothers first flight.

The first product with a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

Most dust in your house is dead skin particles.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the leather for a season of NFL footballs.

You can lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.

The average life span of a major league baseball is 7 pitches.

A duck's quack has no echo, and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is because when horses used to pull the equipment, they would wander up traditional stairs.


Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Tonight's Tournament Cancelled Due to PokerStars Technical Difficulties

We tried to have our tournament, but the PokerStars server appeared to have an issue. Hopefully we will be back next week.


Faldo arrives by dingy for a wedding.






Romance Math
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.


Shopping Math
A man will spend $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will spend $1 on an $2 item she will never use.

General Principles

A woman worries about her future until she lands a husband.
A man doesn't worry about the future until he has a wife.

To be happy with your man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with your woman, you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all.

Every married man should forget about his mistakes. There is no reason for two people to remember the same thing.

A man marries a woman hoping she will never change.
A woman marries a man planning on changing him.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Douge2 Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

Douge2 always has a prize as his target.
Douge2 jumps right into the race for the 1st seat in the NPP Finals. But we all have work to do to catch Tomservo2 - who continues to rack up the points!

2nd - Absea98
3rd - KingBing420
4th - Tomservo2
5th - Tim481
Bubble - LittleRedElf

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 23rd NPP win!

Well, there are many way Faldo could describe the liberal media. But all my negative, insulting and ...yes ....deplorable things I could truthfully say about them won't win over too many who may still be saved from the mental illness of liberalism.

Maybe Don Henley sang it best to describe the newspaper, magazine, radio and TV media:

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something
Something I can use
People love it when you lose
They love dirty laundry

Well, I could a been an actor
But I wound up here
I just have to look good
I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around

We got the bubble headed
Bleached blonde
Comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash
With a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die
Give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation
Is the head dead yet?
You know the boys in the newsroom
Got a running bet
Get the widow on the set
We need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out
What's going on
You don't really want to know
Just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff
Kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers
In everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry

We can do the Innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done
We haven't told you a thing
We all know that Crap is King
Give us dirty laundry!
 (end)

Maybe we - the consumer - need to grow up and stop paying attention to this drivel.
Look in the person in the mirror. Do we really need to know who an actor is screwing or which political party a singer belongs to?

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Michigan Women Gear Up for ‘A Day Without a Woman’


Women are encouraged to wear red, take off work and not spend money on Wednesday

"Women throughout Metro Detroit and the nation plan to wear red, take off work and not spend money to support “A Day Without a Woman” on Wednesday."   Read the rest of the article here.

This post was brought to you as a public service by Nik's Poker Palace.  We care.

How did men deserve this "A day without nagging and them spending our money?"

Additional informational links:


As Faldo explains:

These types of stunts are exactly why liberal women DO NOT deserve to be paid the same as men. Liberal women are spoiled, selfish and deep down lack a sense of self worth.

They garner their self worth by complaining and trying to make everyone else as miserable with the world around them as they are.

Men do not join pointless movements, and do not take days off from supporting their families for no good reason, and do not attempt to hurt other people's businesses because elections do not go their way.

Of course liberal men are not men at all. They are scared, gutless losers in need of a government to care for them.
And liberal women are not real women.

Real women can survive without an all powerful government supplying their every need, while taking their freedom.

And real women demand men be real men.



Saturday, March 04, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 4th Time in 2017

Tomservo2 - wins four!
Tomservo2 is taking all of NPP to task so far this season. He finished first in a field of twelve to take control of the lead in the 1st quarter.

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - Theedouble*d

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 25th NPP win!

Now for some simple truths:

Love is grand, but divorce is one hundred grand.

I am shape. Round is a shape.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Brain cells come and go, but fat cells live a lifetime.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

More Sunday Pictures

Enjoy.....



KingBing420 Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

NPP ladies can hold their own in any poker situation there is!
Skill was a lady tonight - not luck!

KingBing420 beat a field of 15 to win for the first time in 2017.

The field is tightening (as it always does), so be sure to be here on Tuesday at 8pm EST on Pokerstars.net for the best poker tournament on the internet.

2nd - Tigercub8189
3rd - Derf-63
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
5th - Absea98

Congratulations to KingBing420 on her 6th NPP win!

Now for a classic fable - then the modern version:

CLASSIC -
The ant works hard all summer in the heat building his house and gathering supplies for the long winter ahead.
The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and plays and laughs the summer away.
Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter and dies out in the cold.

MODERN -
The ant works hard all summer in the heat building his house and gathering supplies for the long winter ahead.
The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and plays and laughs the summer away.
Come winter, the grasshopper calls the main stream media and gets a press conference demanding why the ant gets to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. Protesters gather to demand, "no warm well fed grasshopper, No PEACE!" and burn flags, throw rocks and bottles and loot stores.

CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, NPR, the NY Times and the rest of the newspapers in the country provide pictures and videos of the shivering grasshopper and showing where the ant's home is so protestors can find it easily.

Kermit the Frog shows up on The View to explain the difficulties of being Green.

Nancy Pelosi makes the rounds of all the main stream media talk shows vowing to do everything possible so the grasshopper can get 'economic justice' and punish the ant who prospered due to "global warming". She also explains that this bitter cold winter is also the fault of global warming. The main stream media never asks her to explain how that is possible.

Obama is sought out by the media to proclaim that the ant got rich off the back of the grasshopper and calls for an immediate tax hike on all ants so they can pay "their fair share" so the government can re-distribute the ant's wealth.

The Clintons get their lawyers to file a Defamation suit against the ant and get the case tried in the 9th Circuit Court to make sure the ruling is against the ant. The ant is fined for not using enough "illegal green bugs" to build his house and gather his food for the winter.

The story ends with the grasshopper finishing up the last bit of the ant's food inside his government supplied house - which just so happens to be the ant's old house. But the house is crumbling around him since the grasshopper never paid for it and therefore doesn't maintain it.

The ant is dead and laying underneath the snow somewhere, but on the mainstream media channels Meryl Streep and Madonna are standing in front of Democrat supporters stating how happy they all are that "justice" was achieved for the grasshopper.

Shortly thereafter, the grasshopper was found dead in his free housing due to a drug overdose. The house was abandoned due to it's rundown condition and unpaid taxes. Now it has been taken over by a gang of spiders who now terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

Epilogue: There is a new sheriff in town, who appears to be bringing back the Classic version to the country. Now that real Americans have wrestled the car keys away from the children, we must keep them in their child seats and seat belts in the back seat - facing the other way.

If they cause too much of a distraction back there, place them in the trunk or don't even let them in the car in the first place. They are a danger to everyone.

Safety first!

Thursday, February 16, 2017

LittleRedElf Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

LRE wins two and they fight over who's first.
There is a pattern developing this year at NPP it seems - repeat winners mostly. That should tell you that poker is a game of skill and not luck.

Luckily for Faldo......he has neither.

LittleRedElf wins for the 2nd time against a field of thirteen.

2nd - Douge2
3rd - Absea98
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - No idea as the PokerStars records department broke and Faldo had to manually figure out the standings.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 33rd NPP win and he regains the top square on the NPP Walk of Fame!

Now for a Manhood Test:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A: lovemaking
B: screwing
C: Hiding the salami in the bread box

2. You should only make love to a woman for the first time only after you have shared:
A: Your views of what is expected from a sexual relationship.
B: Your blood test results.
C: Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A: your partner goes first
B: You both climax together
C: You don't miss Sports Center

4. Passionate and spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A: Healthy creative lovemaking
B: Not the sort of thing your woman would agree to
C: Not the sort of thing your woman better find out about.

5. Your woman tells you she gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her;
A: you never even noticed.
B: It doesn't matter to you
C: that's a conservative estimate

6. You think a sensitive, caring man is a:
A: myth
B: an oxymoron
C: gay

7. Foreplay is to sex as:
A: Appetizer for the entree
B: Primer to the paint
C: A long line just to get a short ride in an amusement park.

8. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masterbate;
A: Probably needs more time before she can cope with that level of intimacy
B: Is uptight and a waste of time
C: Should not have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

If you answered A more than 3 twice, your testicles no longer work.
If you answered B more than 3 times, your testicles are slowing down.
If you answered C more than 5 times, YOU DA MAN!

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Rjmech Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

Another Rjmech groupie awaits him.
Rjmech won for the first time this year and it will not be the last. He bested a field of twelve, coming back from being extremely short stacked early. Nice job Rj!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - GMOgolf
4th - Tomservo2
Bubble - Derf-63

Congratulations to Rjmech on his 25th NPP win!

Now for some hockey history:

Many years ago the Montreal Canadian great Maurice "Rocket" Richard was out for a few games with a wrist injury. After a very spirited game at the Montreal Forum, the color commentator asked The Rocket:

Commentator: "That was quite an exciting game Rocket."

Rocket: "Dat's for shore!"

Commentator: "So who is your pick for the 1st Start of the game?"

Rocket: "Well that would have to be Jean Beliveau, the best center on the Canadians, and I think, in the league. After all, he had 2 goals and an assist."

Commentator: "And the 2nd Star?"

Rocket: "I'd 'ave to pick my broder Ohnree. He scored a goal and was all over the ice on both offense and defense. I'm so glad my broder is on my team.

Commentator: "And your 3rd star?"

Rocket: "For da turd star, I have to pick Boom Boom Geoffrion. He had 2 assists and some good hits, eh? And he sticks up for his Montreal teammates too!"

Commentator: Well, if you had to come up with an honorable mention, who would that be?

Rocket (with a scowl on his face): "I guess I would have to say Gordie Howe. If it was not for his four goals, we would have won the game."

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2017 - T3chlady Tourney Date Set

Gemma Atkinson is floored by Derf-63's poker skills.
Derf-63 beat back a field of 12 for his 1st win of the year. Derf is no stranger to the top platform at NPP. It looks like the same suspects, so far this year, were 'hanging around' the Winners Circle trying to step in - before access was denied.

2nd - Douge2
3rd - Absea98
4th - KingBing420
Bubble - Tomservo2 (still on fire!)

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 30th NPP win!

And congratulations to Douge2 for qualifying for the Poker Stars Billion Chip tournament this Sunday!

Now for a live tournament update:
T3chlady (Jean) is going to hold a poker tournament at her place on Sunday February 19th at 2pm. 
Buy in will be $40. 
Please RSVP ASAP. 
If you do not have T3's contact information, please contact Faldo either in the comment section below or the npokerp at yahoo email address and Faldo will take care of the rest.
 

Now from the Douge2 joke collection:
 
The Jewish Quarterback
 
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European leagues, but he couldn't find a super athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
 
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm.
 
He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
 
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!
 
I've got to get this guy!", the Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the United States and teaches him the great game of football...and the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
 
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
 
"Mom", he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl !"
 
I don't want to talk to you", his mother said. "You are not my son!"
 
I don't think you understand, mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
 
"No! Let me tell you!", his Mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" 
 
The mother pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago.
 




Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2017

Tomservo2 is knocking the heads off the competition!
Tomservo2 is En Fuego! A little Spanish lingo for 'on fire' or 'in the zone'.!

This time he vanquished 14 players. Will anyone be able to stop him? We have eight rounds left to catch him and it will not be easy.

2nd - Johnnied55
3rd - Douge2
4th - TooBIGAKQ
Bubble - Theedouble*d

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 24th NPP win!

They finally invented the The Ultimate Fact Finding computer. This was quicker, faster and more accurate than any other search engine developed. The inventors claimed that it knew or could find the answer to any question asked.

The salesman stepped forward at it's unveiling and said, "The Ultimate Fact Finding computer - or TUFF - will give you an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it."

A computer professor from the University of Michigan stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?"

There was a soft hum of powerful electronic processing for just a couple seconds, when an electronic voice said in a level tone, "Your father is working for a kitchen remodeling firm in Florida, and will retire next year."

The professor laughed and said, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question."

The salesman was shocked and a little unnerved, but quickly replied, "I didn't think it would matter, but perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. Can you try again?" The salesman was breaking into a heavy sweat since he had invested his life savings into this computer firm's stock!

So the smug professor from the Socialist Republic of Ann Arbor said, "Very well, where is my mother's husband."

The computer hummed again and said, "Your mother's husband is dead and buried in Westbury Cemetery in New York State, but your father is still working in Florida."

Saturday, January 21, 2017

250,000 Hits for NPP! - Oh and Trump Takes Office

The United States Wins in a huge upset again! God saved the USA from the internal communists one last time.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2017

Tomservo2 is knocking the rest of  NPP senseless!
Tomservo2 is on fire! Already a two-time winner this year, he moves up the Walk of Fame! Way to go Tom! He bests a field of 15 players as he took the lead a quarter of the way thru the final table and never looked back.

2nd - LittleRedElf
3rd - Wingsfancurt
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
5th - Absea98
Bubble - GMOgolf

Tomservo2 has the lead with LittleRedElf right behind him. The Elf has a win and two cashes - so he is back in form early.

Come join us and see if you can unseat these two great players who are running hot right now!

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 23rd NPP win!

Now for a secret hacked email! NPP will not reveal the source of this email. It could have been the Russians. It could have been one of the hundreds of criminals and terrorists released by First Traitor Obama. It could have been more sloppy loose lips at the Democrat National Committee as they plot against their own members, and then blame everyone else.

Or it could have been found in a file drawer of forgotten letters to our own T3chlady - who is a computer expert - par exsalonce! Here it is:

Dear Tech Lady,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to my Clothes Allowance modules, and limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 6.0 and Golf Central 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and when I tried to add Housecleaning 2.6, it simply crashes the system. I have run Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it didn't work at all. In fact it increased the installation of other undesirable background programs, such as Tilted Kilt 3.8, Hooters 3.6. or the immediate system takeover by malware BWW1.0.

Signed Desperate Wife

Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:/I THOUGHT_YOU_LOVED_ME!! and install Tears 6.2.

Husband 1.0 then will automatically run the applications Flowers 12.0 and Guilt 3.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, and Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is such a bad program as it creates "Snoring Loud" wav files. 

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or try to install another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications in Husband 1.0 and will crash the system.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve the system. I personally recommend NiceDinners 8.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Good luck,

T3chlady


Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Little Red Elf Wins for the 1st Time in 2017

Little Red Elf just floored all the competition Tuesday night!
Oh boy! We are all in trouble if The Elf returns to winning form this year!

Congratulations to LittleRedElf, besting a field of 14 on the 2nd round of the 1st quarter.

2nd - Derf-63
3rd - Rjmech
4th - Absea98
Bubble gal - T3chlady

Absea98 takes over the 1st quarter lead with two straight cashes.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his 32nd NPP win!

Here is a list of employment recommendations Faldo has received over the years from past associates.

"In my opinion, you will be very fortunate if you ........actually get him to work ......for you."

That must mean I am truly a hot property!

"I most enthusiastically recommend this person ..........with no qualifications....... whatsoever."

See, that was with feeling too!

"I am pleased to say that Faldo is .....a former ......colleague of mine."

That person likes me.

"I can assure you .....that no person.......would do a better job."

I am that good, eh?

"I urge you to...... waste no time making him an offer...... of employment."

The all want Faldo I guess.

"All in all,...... I cannot say enough good things about him.....or........ recommend him too highly."

There you go. Testimonials to Faldo!



Thursday, January 05, 2017

Tomservo2 Wins 1st NPP Tourney of 2017

Obviously this was not Tomservo2's first rodeo.
The 24th season of Niks Poker Palace got underway and Tomservo2 bested 12 players to take the early lead. And with this win, he moves up the ladder on the NPP Walk of Fame.

2nd - Absea98
3rd - Johnnied55
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
Bubble - GMOgolf

Congratulations to Tomservo2 on his 22nd NPP win!

Now and oldie but a goody with classic bumper stickers from the past:

IF YOU DRINK, DON'T PARK. ACCIDENTS CAUSE PEOPLE.

MY KID GOT YOUR HONOR ROLL STUDENT PREGNANT

YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO ME.

I DO WHATEVER MY RICE KRISPIES TELL ME TO

CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT

I'M CHANGING LANES - COVER ME

HONK IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN AN UZI FIRED FROM A CAR WINDOW

WARNING! DRIVER ONLY CARRIES $50 IN AMMUNITION

STOP LIGHTS TIMED FOR 35 MPH WORK FOR 70 MPH

BOLDLY GOING NOWHERE

CAUTION: WOMEN DRIVERS - EVERYWHERE!

DON'T BE SEXIST. BROADS HATE THAT.


Monday, January 02, 2017

Season 24 Starts Tomorrow - Changes Made by Poker Stars

Faldo dedicated to his lake swimming work out all year round.
Hi NPP'ers.

Ready for 2017?

Poker Stars has upped the minimum entry fee for private tournaments.

Twenty times the past minimum to $17000 entry and $3000 rake.

All players are re-instated so registration is now OPEN for tomorrow night.

See you at the virtual felt.

Faldo