Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Douge2's Humor Corner - Thinking

The Faldo Strategy

Near the end of a rainy day Sunday service, the Clergyman asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” About eighty percent of the congregation raised their hands.

The Man of the Cloth told the remaining people to take a minute to pray to God and forgive their enemies today. After the prayer session, the Preacher asked again, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

All responded, except old Mr. Barnes who only attended the service when the weather was bad and he could not golf. The Clergyman asked, “It is good to see you here today Mr. Barnes. But are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

Mr. Barnes replied, “I don’t have any.”

“That is wonderful Mr. Barnes. May I ask you how old you are?”

“I’m 98, Barnes replied gruffly.”

The congregation stood up and gave a round of thunderous applause.

The Preacher then asked, “Please, Mr. Barnes. Come up here in front of the congregation and tell us all how you lived to be 98 and not collect any enemies.”

Mr. Barnes walked to the front of the church, stopped in front of the pulpit and turned and faced the congregation.

Then he said in a strong voice, “I out-lived all them son’s a bitches.”

Women are Smart…They Think

A woman was walking along the beach and found the standard lamp that had washed up on shore, She rubbed it and the standard Genie popped out and gave her the standard three wishes.

The Genie told her, “But remember, whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times that amount.”

The woman said she understood and asked to be the most beautiful woman in the world as the first wish.

The Genie warned her that her husband will be 10 times more handsome than any man and no woman on the planet will be able to resist him. She said that was ok with her. So it was granted.

Her second wish was to be the richest person on the planet. She understood that her husband would have 10 times that amount, but what is his is hers since they are married.

For her final wish, she asked for a mild heart attack!

Not done. See comments.

1 comment:

Nik Faldo said...

The husband's heart attack was 10 times MILDER than hers!

The Genie obviously was male.