Thursday, March 17, 2011

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LIX

I was playing poker…with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

From the new hand nicknames department….....AK = Anna Kournikova.
Looks great. Never wins.

What is the…difference between prayer in a church and at the poker table?
At a poker table, really mean it.

Two rules for…success in poker:
1) Never tell everything you know.

From the poker dictionary: lottery (noun):
A tax on people who are bad at math.

Some nuns at…a small convent were left a modest estate. Each nun got $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit. Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw. Right then, she saw a beggar across the street that looked down on his luck. She walked to the man, slipped him the $50, and said, “I’m Sister Ann. Godspeed, my good man.”

The next day, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Ann," he said. The nun at the door refused this, but offered to give a message. The man said, “Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second in the third race at Aqueduct.”

A blonde woman was on a girls’ weekend in Las Vegas. She stood in front of a candy machine, put in two quarters, turned the knob, and a candy bar fell out. She repeated the process, and again a candy bar fell out. Elated, she tried again as a man approached, saying, “Excuse me miss, what are you doing?”

She said, “Duh! Winning!”

Don’t Ever…use a fake Jamaican accent at a Caribbean Stud Poker table.

How do you…get a sweet little 80-year old woman to yell (^#&^?
Get another sweet little 80-year old woman to yell “BINGO!”

What is the difference between a poker player and a dog?
The dog will eventually stop whining.

This husband had a serious gambling problem and was a terrible poker player too. Every time he came home from the casino, his wife asked how much he lost. One night, he didn’t come home at all. Finally, he staggered in at 9 AM. His wife started in on him, but he cut her off.

“I have to confess. I got drunk at the bar last night and went home with a cocktail waitress.”

“Don’t give me that bull,” she replied. “How much did you lose last night?”

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