Friday, November 12, 2010

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LIII

Tax Dollars at Work

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
"Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Another Obama Initiative Fails

NASCAR's Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ inner city youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Detroit were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment; whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds, they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Ernhart Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

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