Monday, April 25, 2011

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LXIII

The Housework is Never Done

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained.
"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress." she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.


A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy gasping for breath.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'
No thanks, I don't want it,' gasped Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, there are a lot of opinions on Trump out there, and it's early, and there are a lot of things left to shake out.  Everybody has their opinion on Trump.  I just was reading a piece by Thomas Sowell.  Let me give you a pull quote from Thomas Sowell's piece: "Trump has what so many other Republicans are so painfully lacking: the ability and the willingness to articulate arguments clearly, forcefully, and in plain English. Too many Republicans talk like the actor of whom a critic once said, 'he played the king like he was afraid that someone else was going to play the ace.'

Substitute "Mike Niks" for "Trump" in the above snippet and it reads the same.

Nik has the stones to be our elected official.