Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Douge2’s Humor Corner – LXV

Thoughtful Gifts Are Sometimes Not Appreciated

It was March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

My daughter's birthday was in August, so I got her an iPod Touch.

September came by so for her birthday, I got my wife an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started . . .

What the wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. Unfortunately, this inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

Wait Til the Game is Over at Least

I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Divine Intervention

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!


Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


Anonymous said...

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 62)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

I said, 'Not often... my former doctor said that
all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,.. 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

Anonymous said...

Why no post about Obama calling for Israel's return to their pre -1967 borders?

Nik Faldo said...

No post Anon. But here are my thoughts.

1) The voters of the United States of America elected a Commiunst, American hating Muslim or muslim sympathizer as president.

We deserve what we get.

2) Americans, who happen to be Jewish vote 82% Democrat. So Jews in the USA get what they deserve.

3) The citizens of Israel should tell the USA to go fuck themselves, and give back California to Mexico to show them how to give back land.

Oh, wait.....we already did that...and threw in our southern boarded states too. Nevermind.

All it takes for evil to win is for good people to do nothing.

We all did nothing for too long. And the Democrats amoung us actually help the enemies of the Constitution of the United States willingly.

The middle east will never be at peace with Israel until there is a final winner and loser. It is how the world works.

There will be no end to the battle against Democrats until we have the same final solution. The Democrat-Communists-Socialists have almost won.