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As we all know the Democrats are all for helping people with a flood of government programs. Here is there latest platform of government programs released just in time for the mid-term elections:
Due to the current sequester, the Democrats has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 60 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Democrats has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Democrat Representative, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle, sending Democrat groups such as Occupy Wallstreet, ANTIFA or the UCLA student body to come ask you to shut up and go away.
Sincerely,
The Democrat Party, the Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) and the FBDNCI (Federal Bureau and Democrat National Committee of Investigation)
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Democrats has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Democrat Representative, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle, sending Democrat groups such as Occupy Wallstreet, ANTIFA or the UCLA student body to come ask you to shut up and go away.
Sincerely,
The Democrat Party, the Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) and the FBDNCI (Federal Bureau and Democrat National Committee of Investigation)
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