Engineers – Not Lawyers in the Joke Category, but Close

Here are a few knee slappers…or groaners:

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: Why did the engineer cross the road?
A: Because he looked at the file and that is what he did last year.


You might be an engineer if:

 You take a cruise just so you can go on a tour of the engine room.
 You compliment your wife by saying her hair is nice and parallel with a low hardness reading.
 You sit backwards on Disney rides to see how the special effects were done.
 You spent more on your calculator than your wedding ring.
 You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
 You window shop at Radio Shack.
 Your laptop costs more than your car.


I Got a Ride On

Two male engineering student friends crossed paths on campus and one says, “Where did you get the great bike?”

The second engineer said, “Well I was walking yesterday in secluded woods behind the campus when this beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike down, took off all of her clothes and said, ‘Take all you want, big man!’

The first engineer said, “Good choice. The clothes probably would not have fit.”


Get'er Done

An Architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the mistress.

The architect picked the wife because that builds a strong foundation.

The artist picked the mistress because of the passion and mystery involved.

The engineer said, “I have to have both.” “Both,” the other two said surprised?

“Yes. Each will assume you are spending time with the other, so you can then get back to the lab and get some work done.”