Douge2’s Humor Corner VIII

Smart Lady

A farmer named Rennzzo stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home Rennzzo stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," Rennzzo said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

Rennzzo said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket,......and I'll hold the chickens."


Well Trained Wife

A young farm couple, BigLou and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'!

In the morning, before BigLou left the house for the fields, they made love. When BigLou came back from the fields, they made love.

After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their “nooner.” It took BigLou a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Finally, BigLou asked the town doctor what to do. "BigLou," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Daisy's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."

They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when BigLou came back to the doctor's office.

"What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"

"Oh, it worked good," said BigLou. "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Daisy'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."

"Good, BigLou.. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.

"I mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started!"