 |
| The correct attire while making Faldo a sandwich. |
Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for
what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled
again, but didn't start his back swing. Finally his exasperated partner
asked, “What the hell is taking so long?”
“My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,” Dave
explained. “I want to make a perfect shot.”
Faldo said, “Just hit it. You don't have a chance in hell of
hitting her from here.”
My
new neighbor popped his head over the fence today and said, “Hey Homes...Wa's
goin' down?” I said, “The value of my fricking house!”
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.” He replies, “If you liked sex, we could get rid of the nanny!”
What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fucking bike and wanted to go home!
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they screwed my wife after only five cans!”
I was having sex with this nice lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have run – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down’s Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I serviced a girl called Penny – spooky or what?
When asked in a recent survey, 90 per cent of men responded that their most memorable and joyous moment in life was being present at the birth of their first-born child. Obviously, none of them have ever seen an Arab terrorist being run down by a Tractor Trailer.
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.” He replies, “If you liked sex, we could get rid of the nanny!”
What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own fucking bike and wanted to go home!
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they screwed my wife after only five cans!”
I was having sex with this nice lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have run – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.” I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a Down’s Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I serviced a girl called Penny – spooky or what?
When asked in a recent survey, 90 per cent of men responded that their most memorable and joyous moment in life was being present at the birth of their first-born child. Obviously, none of them have ever seen an Arab terrorist being run down by a Tractor Trailer.
No comments:
Post a Comment