Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXX

Dave the Doctor

Doctor 4Putt had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.

The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

“4Putt, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go.”

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering:

“YOU'RE A VETERINARIAN, YOU SICK BASTARD!!!”


QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR 2 CENTS IN".. BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?" WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?

HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT A MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY 2 HOURS?

IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY..

WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?

WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?

IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?

Bigbrimar, Pre01 and Faldo All Score in Qualifiers - for Seats in Qualifiers

NPP continues to strike fear in the hearts of PokerStar players. O, fear might be a little over-stating. But even the snickering and the fist fights to get a seat at a table Faldo is playing at has died down - a little.

First tourney first. Pre01 finished 126th out of 1876 players in the World Blogger Championship of On-line Poker #4 (WBCOOP Event #4) to win a seat in a qualifier for the Spring Championship of On-line Poker (SCOOP).

Pre01 writes two blogs (as Faldo used to) and their links are added to the other links we have near the top of the blog. Congratulations Pre01.

Bigbrimar finished in the top 9 in a 97 player Qualifier to win a seat in a bigger qualifying tourney. Bigbri already reported that his success rate with that seat was – not so much. His (KK) lost to a flush. But still, a fine job on the seat win Bri.

Faldo meanwhile entered the WBCOOP Event #5 – an 8-game event. There were 1536 entries and Faldo managed to finish 71st – to win the same seat Pre01 did.

My downfall was due to a cold deck AND a bad beat! Try to top that one.

The fatal hand was a crippler on the game 6-handed Omaha Pot Limit. Faldo had a seat and was in the middle of the pack as far as stack sizes. Blinds 500/1000 and Faldo sitting with 47000 chips. Not too shabby.

Dealt [As Js 2s 5s] in the small blind, Faldo calls the difference to go to the flop 3-handed.

The flop is [Jc 9h Jd]. Faldo deceptively checks (yeah, right) and Villian #1 makes it 3000 and Villian #2 calls.

Faldo raises the pot with the trip jacks to make the straights pay for chasing. I am not fearing any (J X) hand, as I have an Ace kicker. Well all the chips go in and I am horrified to see:

Villian #1 (A993) (43%)
Villian #2 (KKJQ) (24%)
Faldo (As Js 2s 5s) (33%)

Cold-decked - but at least close to the right price, especially since I already cashed for a cheap seat.

The killer was the [K] on the river to give the big dog the pot. I got rivered and cold-decked in the same hand. Only Faldo can manage that.

Crippled, I soon semi-bluffed a medium hand in Triple Draw 2-7 Lowball to exit.

Theedouble*d Wins His 5th NPP Tourney, While K9isadog Extends His 1st Qtr League Lead

K9 is still on fire! But Theedouble*d – who is on fire himself, turned the hose on the K9 at the end.

Sorry for the delay in the write up of the Tuesday tilt, but I left all my NPP stuff at home in my hurry to leave town on a business trip. If Faldo don’t work, you folks won’t have anything to win.

It was very nice to welcome a new player: Phil9762244. Phil, I need your email, so send it to npokerp at yahoo dot com. I need it in case the password changes or some other league related issue. Same with you Pre01. Thanks.

We also welcomed back two ladies to the league: Amyada19 and RKidder14001. We love having you. (twhs)

As I mentioned, I was out of town on business and was on conference calls for the 1st half hour of the tourney. Then I just decided to chill until 1st break. So that will explain the lack of hand recording.

On to the action:

? min: ThePunk75 (27th)
? min: Mikeniks-Faldo (26th). Did I mention I lost with (AA)?
? min: Wingsfancurt (25th).
? min: RKidder51400 (24th).
? min: Derf-63 (23rd).
? min: Odds2win777 (22nd).
? min: Absea98 (21st).
? min: TresStooges (20th).
? min: Kensik (19th).
? min: Vanettej (18th).
? min: T3chlady (17th).
? min: Meatsword (16th).
? min: Budda627 (15th).
59 min: Jenski6 (14th).

Break over. Time for Faldo to go to work for NPP. A feast or famine situation at the break I see.

1st break:
Theedouble*d 8955
K9isadog 7662
Suetman1 7376
Amyada19 4192
Pre01 3215
LittleRedElf 2080
Mistermusic5 1545
Tomservo2 1300
Tigercub8189 1205
BigDaddyTman 1010
Akensi 845
Gdub28 755
Phil1976224 320

75 min: The short stack (SS) Phil976224 (13th) has to try with (A9), but BigDaddyTman’s (A7) hits a [7] on the flop.

78 min: A SS Akensi (12th) goes with (KJ), but cannot catch K9isadog’s (88).
80 min: Gdub28 (11th) was blinded out here and never played a hand. The SS Tigercub8189 bubbles (10th) with (A2) against LittleRedElf’s (AQ).

95 min: Amyada19 (9th) pulls a Faldo with (AA) and moves in on a flop of [JK9]. Theedouble*d just happens to be holding (QT)!

96 min: A SS LittleRedElf (8th) goes with (86) with a [6] on the flop, but the on fire K9isadog is holding (TT).

98 min: Mistermusic5 (7th) has to go with (Ah 7h), but runs into K9isadog’s straight.
110 min: A SS BigDaddyTman (6th) goes with (KJ), but cannot catch K9isadog’s (A8). BigDaddy seems to have a lock on 6th place and K9 seems to have a lock on busting players.

112 min: Pre01 (5th) makes a move with (AJ) but runs K9isadog’s (AK). K9 is getting hands AND they hold up. That is a tough to beat that combo. I’ve heard. I don’t know from experience. I hear things.

114 min: A now SS Tomservo2 (4th) has to go with (A9), but Suetman1has (88).

2nd Break:
K9isadog 26711
Suetman1 7604
Theedouble*d 6185

129 min: Suetman1 (3rd) loses as her (K9) doesn’t work magic against K9isadog, as he is holding (AQ). Claudia seems to have a lock on 3rd place!

Heads up: K9isadog 27200 - 13300 Theedouble*d

133 min: K9’s two pair get sawed off by DD’s trips. Now DD has the lead.
134 min: K9isadog (2nd) goes with (QJ) and a flop of [6KJ], but Theedouble*d is holding (AK)!

Congratulations to Theedouble*d and K9isadog!

1st – Theedouble*d – 24 points
2nd – K9isadog – 19 points
3rd – Suetman1 – 15 pts
4th – Tomservo2 – 12 pts
5th – Pre01 – 9 pts
6th – BigDaddyTman – 7 pts
7th – Mistermusic5 – 5 pts
8th – LittleRedElf – 4 pts
9th – Amyada19 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point! Standings on the right side of the blog!

Faldo Out of the #3 Event of the WBCOOP…Early

I’ll admit it. I am in a funk in poker. Bad cards, bad luck, bad reads - some bad play, and a whole lot of borderline decisions where when I pick ‘zig’ – the 'zag' was the winning play.

We all hit streaks like this (so I am told), so I just have to keep throwing my money down a rat hole. What I meant to say - I just need to keep plugging along, as the clouds will break over this poker drought eventually.

Remember quitters never win. But they do keep the rest of their money longer. And besides – losing just might be my style.

As the blog not so shyly advertizes, I am qualified for the World Blogger Championship of On-line Poker. I was given three tickets in my account to enter three prelim events to qualify for the others. The paper work PokerStars sent me says I can enter all six of the events, but I only received tickets for three. I will complain if I need to, but maybe the other tickets will show up.

The first event [NL Holdem] was on Monday, Jan. 25 at 5pm. Great timing as my employer told me to go home, pack and get to Chicago before a winter storm hits. I had to be at a meeting there and the morning drive would no longer be friendly. So I was on I-94 just east of Kalamazoo when that tilt went off.

Like I said, my timing is off – I guess on everything – right now.

The second WBCOOP event [PL Omaha] was set for Tuesday, Jan 26 at 5 pm. The plan (dream?) was to get back to the hotel room, wire up, and enter the event right at the deadline. Then I would be playing in this event - while winning our Tuesday Tourney – while keeping score of the Tuesday tourney. Yeah, right.

Much like my re-raises with (KK), this plan walked into (AA), with an [A] on the flop AND turn. Not only did I not even leave the plant I was working out of until 7pm, but I lost quickly in the NPP tourney too.

Customers, suppliers and co-workers all conspired to keep me from my poker destiny(as does my lack of talent). Then, my friends treated me rudely to cap the day.

Did I tell you I lost with AA? I think I failed to mention it that night. After all, you know I never whine about such things.

I did get to enter yesterday’s [NL Holdem] event with 1842 other bloggers. I was out in 890th place. That is about where I finish on NPP Tuesday, so all is normal.

I will seriously try to get back to the NPP Fortress of Solitude (and padded cell) in time for the Thursday event at 6pm. It will be a tight squeeze (twss) to be ready to play. I may have to stop at a Wi-Fi place on the way home to register and jump in when I walk in the door.

Friday at 7pm is the 8-game mix WBCOOP tourney. Should be fun, and I plan on playing that one at BWW in Brighton. I will have cigars to pass out if anyone wants to sweater me (and buy me a beer).

Wingsfancurt has already volunteered to be in my cheering section for at least the early stages. But he passes on the pleasure of buying Faldo a beer. Who is stepping up to donate to the “Beer Aid to Faldo” Tour?

Douge2’s Humor Corner XXIX

What would you do?

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER….the Faldo correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her.

Then, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers and cigars.

What?
It’s my car, and what is better than a steak, beer and cigars with a bud?
See my point?

How about some riddles?

Why does the bride wear white?

Answer: So the dishwasher matches the stove.

How many men does is take to open a beer?

Answer: None of course. She should open before serving it to the man (men).

How do you fix a woman's watch?

Answer: You don't need to. There is a clock on the stove.

Ok, one for the ladies:
What is the worst way to torture and kill a man?

Answer: Put a naked woman and a six-pack of beer in front of him and tell him he can only choose one.

Yeah, like you don't pick the 6 in under 6 seconds

PS: I was able to find a new NPP player. Your welcome! But the tourney write up will be up for Friday’s enjoyment.

Amarillo Slim’s Top Ten Keys to Poker Success

While he may not have been the mathematician Chris Ferguson is or the hand reader that Daniel Negreanu is, but no one has ever showed a keener understanding of the human animal as poker player than Thomas “Amarillo Slim” Preston.

World Champion, winner of millions, Slim made a living by running his mouth at the table, getting inside the heads of whomever he happened to be facing and exploiting whatever he happened to find in there.

These are his top ten keys to success, as originally published in his biography ‘Amarillo Slim in a World Full of Fat People’. Faldo rates himself on each point in [ ].

1) Play the players more than you play the cards.
[A Faldo weakness who’s entire world is the cards in his hand]

2) Choose the right opponents. If you don’t see a sucker at the table, you’re it.
[This is a Faldo strength. I always know when I am outclassed – which is all the time]

3) Never play with money you can’t afford to lose.
[Check! A+ here.]

4) Play tight and aggressive; don’t play too many hands, but when you do, be prepared to move in.
[I think an instructor would give me a ‘B’ here]

5) Always be observing at a poker game. The minute you’re there, you’re working.
[Fail miserably. Either I am having fun and horsing around or I have tunnel vision on my cards and stack].

6) Watch the other players for tells before you look at your own cards.
[I actually can give myself a “C” here. Do I use the information? Naw, that would be the smart thing to do]

7) Diversify your play so others can’t pick up tells on you. Choose your speed based on the direction of the game. Play slow in a fast game and fast in a slow game.
[Is moving from simply a rock to a granite boulder considered a speed change? No? Then, I get a D- on this one]

8) Don't play drunk, tired or angry - even if the game is good.
[Grade D. I think these are the only time I play! Tired at the start, drunk late and angry some of the time - but still happy most of the time]

9) Be able to quit a loser and for goodness sake, don’t quit when you’re winning. [I get a B because in non-home games, the urge to hit the door with a profit is strong. But if the game is good, I can usually fight it. Usually]

10) Conduct yourself honorably so you’re always invited back. [I pass this one because my poker playing buddies at least like taking my money more than they dislike my personality. At least so far]

Rate yourself to these ten items. It can’t hurt.

Or rate Faldo yourself and feel better about your game. Hat tip to Wise Hand Poker for the list.

PS: Don’t expect miracles in the reporting of tonight’s action. I may be late or absent at the start. This new job is interfering with my NPP duties big time. But I need it to take care of #3 and #10. - Faldo

Derf-63 Wins at Premier Poker Palace!

NPP players are winners – pure and simple. You play in the pressure cooker (but fun) that is our Tuesday night league, and you can’t help but turn into a Phil Ivey everywhere else you play.

The results are just starting to trickle in, and I just found out Derf-63 won the tourney Friday night. Derf has been on a roll, winning the NPP Heads Up tourney, and getting off to a fast start in this year’s league. Great job Derf, and way to represent for NPP!

Again, Faldo apologizes for not being able to stick around until the end of the tourney. But I still run out of gas pretty easily these days, and besides I had a car with a dead battery in my garage to get fixed first thing in the morning. When a ride home became available from Aqualung85, I took it.

As for other tourney results, I already reported that Beerhog and Faldo (16th) made an early exit. Aqualung finished about 14th. K9isadog reported he was out at 11th. Boother36 probably made the final table with Derf, but did not cash. I have no idea where Pre01 finished and can’t remember who else was there.

I’m getting old and it takes me a while to get the names – and the NPP names - with the faces. Except – for some strange reason, I remember every single one of the “new” players who’s picture appears on the blog. Hmmmm, go figure. But if you were there, comment and let us all know what happened.

After my car died in my garage, I left my notepad in the car. I was actually lucky my car died just before the tourney and not in the Cobo Hall parking structure. I had attended the Auto Show that morning. THAT would have been a bad beat.

Anyway, just getting to dinner and the tourney became the new priority. I spent like an hour and a half in the cold garage trying to get my car started. I open the hood to jump start it, and I can’t find the battery? I see a little box (twhs) that had a tiny positive post (twss), but no negative (like Faldo, who also has no negatives).

So I was cold, tired and running late, and the notepad got left on the dead car’s car seat as Beerhog rescued Faldo with a ride to the tourney.

Saturday, I get the car battery replaced. I didn’t know the battery in my car was under the back seat of my vehicle! News to me – as this ‘specially vented battery’ in this very special location – was about FOUR TIMES what batteries used to cost to replace.

The mechanic did find my wedding ring that had fallen under the back seat like 4 years ago. I was golfing, took the ring off and set it on the back seat. I forgot it was there, drove home and during the ride it must have fell back thru the cushions.

That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Speaking of terrible reporting, I will be doing an even worse job this Tuesday, if all goes well. I hope to be still running deep in the PokerStars Blogger Championship, and will join our tourney too.

Faldo is good, but playing in two tourneys at once and tracking hands on four other tables, might be a little tough. See you all Tuesday.

NPP at Premier Poker Lounge II

Another fun night was had as the Niks Poker Palace Team showed up at PPL for their Friday night tournament.

Dinner was enjoyed first by the players in the bar area of Grill 23.

The waitress was ‘impressive’, as was the greeter/seater. By impressive, I mean in the way they did their jobs. Yeah…yeah, that’s what I meant.

We were having such a good time at dinner they had to come remind us about the 30 –player tournament starting.

I was hoping for a report from Boother, Derf-63 and K9isadog, who were still in the tourney when Faldo exited.

Beerhog took a bad beat to leave before Faldo (16th), and Aqualung85 left soon after Faldo.

Let’s hope the reports roll in. Faldo had to get home as his gas tank was empty, so could not stay around to report on the goings on.

We will try this again in March. NPP added ten players to the tourney this night and thirteen the first time. I think 20 is a reasonable goal! What a party that could be.

Theedouble*d and Bigbrimar Cash In

A reminder: NPP at PPL tomorrow night!

Bigbrimar reports another final table finish. He was 3rd in a 360 person PokerStars tilt. He makes 40 times his entry.

Meanwhile Theedouble*d reports a near miss in a qualifier due to ….well let’s just say he had to be sitting in Faldo’s chair.

In a 364 player qualifier, the top four win a seat in the North American Poker Tour qualifying tournament.The 5th place player got a little cash.

If you score in that qualifier, you win one of 25 packages for a trip to the main event at the Venetian in Vegas baby!

DD got snapped off in 15th place. ‘Thanks for stopping by.’ the table said.

But then, as the old saying goes; “If at first you don’t succeed, keep on sucking until you do succeed.”

DD wins a seat in the next qualifier! Congrats to DD and we want a report of the doings in the qualifying Main Event.

K9isadog Extends His 1st Qtr League Lead With His 2nd NPP Tourney Win!

K9 is on fire! Very nice job as he bested the also red-hot Derf-63 and Suetman1 and twenty-four others.

These three were the NPP 2009 Heads-Up Tourney finalists, and I guess that practice is paying off now.

No new players tonight and a slight drop off in entries. Even the number of beggars dropped off to only two – and the kibitzers to one - Wingsfancurt. But a nice turnout all the same.

On to the action:

16 min: Birdy333 (27th) exits as I am reporting Beggar #1 to PokerStars. Not that it helps.
18 min: Midway2933 (26th) lost as his pair of kings (K7) ran into the pair of Aces of Gbub28 (AT).

21 min: Fourbetbluff (25th) tries with (Ah Jh) but runs into LittleRedElf’s (AA).
35 min: Kensik (24th) moves in with his (As 5s), but cannot catch K9isadog’s (AJ).
42 min: Akensi (23rd) is out next and I missed that losing with (AA) on my table.
46 min: Pre01 (22nd) sees his (AT) get run down by K9isadog’s (Kd 8d), with an [8] on the flop AND turn.

48 min: A short-stacked (SS) Mikeniks-Faldo (21st) runs into Nicklittle’s (AK).
51 min: Drowninagain (20th) is out-pipped (A9) by LittleRedElf (AT).
52 min: Biglou93 (19th) goes out next and I missed it. Can’t a reporter finish sobbing uncontrollably into his Phil Ivey designer blanket without players interrupting him by going out?

I mean, I stepped away to get a beer. Yeah….that’s it. To get a beer.

53 min: Wow! Oddstowin777 (18th) goes with (JJ), but LittleRedElf is holding (KK) – and BigDaddyTman is holding (AA). Talk about cold-decked. LittleRedElf is crippled, but fights on gamely.

60 min: Right at the break, another rare 3 – handed all-in occurred when Nicklittle (TT), Budda627 (88) and a SS Gdub28 move it to the center. Gdub makes a baby-straight on the river to take the pot and get healthy. Now Nicklittle joins LRE in Cripplesville.

1st break:
BigDaddyTman 4890
K9isadog 4196
Suetman1 3420
Gdub28 3245
ThePunk75 3225
Tomservo2 3154
Budda627 2690
Tigercub8189 2425
Vanettij 2355
Derf-63 2150
Mistermusic5 2070
Meatsword 2050
Rennzzo 1265
Funtoon 1240
LittleRedElf 990
Absea98 965
Nicklittle 170

65 min: After surviving a couple times, a SS Nicklittle (17th) goes with (KQ) but is runs into Vanettij’s (A7).
66 min: Rennzzo (16th) is triple-teamed (twss) by Tigercub8189, BigDaddyTman and finally Derf-63 (QJ), who hits a straight.

68 min: Tigercub8189 (15th) tries with (AQ) but K9isadog runs him down with (Kd 6d), and [6] on the flop. This happened a lot in this tourney, usually keeping someone alive temporarily – only to kill then in a similar fashion a short time later.

Who says poker programmers don’t have a sense of humor. Or is it sadism?

69 min: Mistermusic5 (14th) goes with (JJ) and Meatsword calls with (KQ) and hits his [K] on the flop.

70 min: Funtoon (13th) has to try with (77), but Meatsword’s (QT) hits a [Q] on the flop. Told you this happened a lot. A lot!

86 min: ThePunk75 (12th) goes with (66), but Meatsword’s (KJ) hits a [J] on the flop. A LOT! But it is working for The Word, so who can argue? Push the rush when it is there.

I’ve never had ‘a rush’ – but……I hear things.

89 min: LittleRedElf (11th) was on the verge of a miracle comeback. His only problem was he could not win with the lead! He would survive his all-in when behind pre-flop – and even post flop. But when he had the better cards, he got run down, so he could never get on a roll. Weird night for The Man.

LRE (KJ) finally got run down for the last time as K9isadog flushes holding (8c 6c).

91 min: Vanettij (10th) (66) gets crippled when he runs into BigDaddyTman’s (JJ). Then his (AK) runs into Budda627’s (KK). Talk about your cold deck of hands.

101 min: A SS Tomservo2 (9th) semi-bluffs with (87), but K9isadog is going nowhere and has to call with (AT).

102 min: A SS Absea98 (8th) goes with (99), but the ever pressing K9isadog calls with (KJ), that two pairs.

110 min: Gdub28 (7th) has to go with (AJ), but lose the coin flip to Derf-63’s (66).

117 min: A SS BigDaddyTman (6th) goes with (A6) and Meatsword must call from the small blind with (93) – and a [3] appears on the flop. A lot, I’m telling you!

2nd Break:
Suetman1 12415
Derf-63 11074
Meatsword 7445
K9isadog 6906
Budda627 2660

121 min: A SS Budda627 (5th) makes a move with (As 8s) but is overtaken by Meatsword’s (Qd 9d), with a [9] on the flop. A LOT!

128 min: A now SS Meatsword (4th) has to go with (Td 2d), but Suetman1has (A9).
132 min: Suetman1 (3rd) loses with (K9) to Derf-63’s (AT).

Heads up: Derf-63 40500 - 6500 K9isadog

135 min: Derf-63 (2nd) took two hits in a row to lose the chip lead by about 1000. When the flop pairs his 4’s, he moves it all-in. unfortunately for Derf, K9isadog also paired his 9’s at the same time.

Congratulations to K9isadog on his 2nd NPP victory! He is already making it hard on the rest of us, if we want to wrestle the 1st Quarter Seat from him.

1st – K9isadog – 24 points
2nd – Derf-63 – 19 points
3rd – Suetman1 – 15 pts
4th – Meatsword – 12 pts
5th – Budda627 – 9 pts
6th – BigDaddyTman – 7 pts
7th – Gdub28 – 5 pts
8th – Absea98 – 4 pts
9th – Tomservo2 – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point! Standings on the right side of the blog!

Number of Outs and the Odds

As a new member of BBOPSA (Bad Beat on PokerStars Anonymous), I was focused on one aspect of all bad beat stories I heard at my first session. And that is ‘the number of outs that #$@#!!$#% had when he hit on the river.’

Like this one time when I flopped the nuts and……..oh, sorry. I’m still in recovery and it slips out sometimes (twss).

For your copying pleasure, here is a chart that shows the number of outs and the actual odds of hitting those outs – on both the turn and the river.

# of Outs – Turn Odds and % - River Odds and %
1 – Turn 23 to 1 or 4% - River 45 to 1 or 2%
2 – Turn 12 to 1 or 8% - River 23 to 1 or 4%
3 - Turn 8 to 1 or 13% - River 15 to 1 or 7%
4 - Turn 6 to 1 or 17% - River 12 to 1 or 9% (inside straight draw)
5 - Turn 5 to 1 or 20% - River 9 to 1 or 11%
6 - Turn 4 to 1 or 24% - River 8 to 1 or 13% (two over cards)
7 - Turn 3.6 to 1 or 28% - River 7 to 1 or 15% (open ended straight draw)
8 - Turn 3.2 to 1 or 32% - River 5.7 to 1 or 17% (flush draw)
9 - Turn 3 to 1 or 35% - River 5.1 to 1 or 20 %
10 - Turn 2.6 to 1 or 38% - River 4.6 to 1 or 22 %
11 - Turn 2.4 to 1 or 42% - River 4.2 to 1 or 24 %
12 - Turn 2.2 to 1 or 45% - River 3.8 to 1 or 26 % (flush draw and gut shot)
13 - Turn 2.1 to 1 or 48% - River 3.5 to 1 or 28 %
14 - Turn 2 to 1 or 51% - River 3.3 to 1 or 30%
15 - Turn 1.85 to 1 or 54% - River 3.1 to 1 or 33% (straight flush draw)
16 - Turn 1.8 to 1 or 57% - River 2.9 to 1 or 35%
17 - Turn 1.7 to 1 or 60% - River 2.7 to 1 or 37 %
18 - Turn 1.6 to 1 or 62% - River 2.6 to 1 or 39%

Note: It has been statistically proven that Faldo’s opponent’s odds on the above chart can be quadrupled (that means multiplied by 4 - for those of you who work at Chrysler) – and Faldo’s odds chart of hitting those same outs can be divided by 9!

Sorry. It happened again. Maybe I should attend two sessions a week.

The Good, the Bad, and the Faldo

K9isadog didn’t make the final table on PokerStars, but it was close enough. After all, 1000 players were in the thing. K9 took 12th and made a smooth 12 times his entry.

That was the ‘good’. Now for the “bad and down right ugly. Here is how Faldo cashes.

PokerStars Game No Limit Holdem Tourney (3762 players) - Level XIV (800/1600)
Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: porsche83944 (7159 in chips)
Seat 2: trebron3535 (104143 in chips)
Seat 3: mikeniks (19559 in chips)
Seat 4: patakes (46959 in chips)
Seat 5: Muminguez (85184 in chips)
Seat 6: Bent Bam (33168 in chips)
Seat 7: laohuang (50645 in chips)
Seat 8: aleckmidoch (67203 in chips)
Seat 9: Zarazan (60409 in chips)
All post ante of 150
trebron3535: posts small blind 800
mikeniks: posts big blind 1600
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to mikeniks [Ad 3h]
patakes: raises 1600 to 3200
Muminguez: folds
Bent Bam: folds
laohuang: folds
aleckmidoch: calls 3200
Zarazan: calls 3200
porsche83944: folds
trebron3535: folds
mikeniks: calls 1600
*** FLOP *** [7c 3d 3s]
mikeniks: checks
patakes: bets 4800
aleckmidoch: folds
Zarazan: calls 4800
mikeniks: raises 11409 to 16209 and is all-in (81%)
patakes: calls 11409 (9%)
Zarazan: calls 11409 (10%)
*** TURN *** [7c 3d 3s] [6s]
patakes: bets 3200 (5%)
Zarazan: calls 3200 (14%)
Faldo still (81%)
*** RIVER *** [7c 3d 3s 6s] [Qd]
patakes: bets 24200 and is all-in
Zarazan: calls 24200
*** SHOW DOWN ***
patakes: shows [Qs Qc] (a full house, Queens full of Threes)
Zarazan: shows [5s 5h] (two pair, Fives and Threes)
patakes collected 54800 from side pot and 63577 from FALDO’s pot!
mikeniks: shows [Ad 3h] (three of a kind, Threes)

I finished 244th and got a smooth 2.21 times my entry.

It’s only been three straight months of this. How do you win less than 1/4th of the hands where you are the leader on the flop and turn – and do this for 3 consecutive months???

I’m joining BBOPSA (Bad Beats on PokerStars Anonymous) on Tuesday. Fight Club is less painful than this group. “Hi. My name is Faldo – and I whine about my bad beats.”

But, congrats to K9isadog. Nice job!

Bigbrimar and Faldo Make Final Tables

Bigbrimar cashes in with a 2nd place finish in a PokerStars 360-player tourney. He picked up a smooth 60 times his entry.

Faldo was having a bad day at the tables (but luckily a good day in the land of football prognostication) until he got some nub on Ultimate Bet.

I finished 4th in a tournament of 71, and had a showdown record of 30%. I went in to a showdown the FAVORITE every time, except one. Even my tournament exit, my (7s 7c) (70%) lost to (Ks 5c) (30%).

I was comforted by the fact that my 6 times entry did cover the losses in the other non-cash tourneys that day. But I was disappointed not to close this one out, as I was “in the zone” for a change. The flop, turn and river did not cooperate, so what can you do?

Douge2 sent me an email that shows our Michigan legislature is attempting to change the laws concerning charity gaming – i.e., charity poker rooms. I could not figure out if it was a reduction in licenses or an increase. The final version of the proposed bill was not available in the link Douge sent me.

But rarely – if ever – does government pass laws which say; “Ok, we have over-step our boundaries and have trampled your freedoms too long. Here is some of them back.”

Yeah, that never seems to be the theme of any level of government action. Anybody get the full story, let us all know.

Hat tip to Douge2.

Faldo Says “Yay” or “Nay” to Common Dealer’s Choice Games – Part XII

There are other poker games besides what is dealt in casinos and tournaments. The casino games are there because of their speed and simplicity in dealing. More hands equal more rake for the house.

But there are some fun, entertaining and challenging poker games you can deal in a home game, which make you have to think outside “the flop” sometimes.

The description of the following games in this series is Faldo’s opinion only. Other may like my take on a game and some will not. That’s fine. It’s all good. Here we go:

Seven – Twenty Seven or Two – Twenty Two

“This ain’t even poker” is what you will hear if someone deals this game. It may not be poker, but bluffing, strategic betting and position all play a role.

Each player receives one down card and one up card. You are trying to get the closest to 7 or 27 in pip count. Aces count as 1 or 11, face cards are a 1/2, and the rest of the cards speak for themselves.

A betting round ensues after the first two cards are served up. Then the option is give to each player as to whether or not they want another card. After everyone has the option, there is another betting round.

This continues until every player has ‘passed’ adding a card – twice in a row.

Most of the time this game is played where if you go over the top number (27 or 22) you must fold your hand. Some of the time it is dealt where you are allowed to go over the high number and still be in the hand. Remember, it’s dealer’s choice.

Also, a few people play the game where you have to have at least a 7 for low. In other words, 6 ½ or 6 is not a legal hand. Now, I had never heard of this variation, but it was sprung on me at a game where I was a first time visitor. And naturally, I learned the hard way as my 6 ½ lost the entire pot to the other guy’s 25, because my hand was dead.

Faldo says “Yay” to this game. But please explain all the rules - or ask! (twss)

Seven Card Flip

This game plays the same as Seven Card Stud, but the deal is different.

Every player is dealt 4 cards and it is the player’s choice as to which two he flips up. This conceals hands and takes out one street of betting.

Faldo says “Yay”.

Douge2’s Humor Corner - XXVIII

The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with the same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Economics - Made Simple

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had once failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

It cannot be explained any simpler than that.

NPP Night at Premier Poker Lounge is Set

Let’s do this thing - a week from tomorrow.

Friday, January 22, 2010, at the Premier Poker Lounge in Hartland, MI., 48353
Located at the Grille 23 Tavern, 1/4 mile south of M-59 on Old US 23.
1535 Old US 23 if you want the actual address.

Cash games start at 6pm. The tournament starts at 7pm. Entry fee is $30 for 7000 chips.

Dinner for Faldo in the Grille will be around 5:30. Get there as soon as you can (to buy Faldo a beer).

We had thirteen NPP’ers there last time. See the archives – November 14, 2009 – for the details of that fun evening!

I’m hoping for a bigger turnout this time.

As for the date of the night, I only received 2 suggestions as to when to have it. One was “not on Saturday” – and the other was “just pick one, I’m there!”

So here is the date. I am looking forward to it.

Pingsticks Wins His 1st NPP Tourney!

Well, the Premier Poker Lounge employees are two for two in 2010 at NPP. The owner won last week and one of their best dealers won tonight. Very impressive!

Thirty-four players made it to the NPP felt. New players Gdub28 and Pre01 joined us. And returning to league tonight were Bigbrimar, Ksloflyer, Midway2933 and Wingsfancurt! Welcome one and all.

On to the action:

6 min: Fourbetbluff (34th) sees his (Ks Js) run into Tomservo2’s (QQ). No repeat winner tonight.

7 min: Nicklittle (33rd) is out next and I missed it playing my hand.
9 min: Derf-63 (32nd), Midway2933 (31st) and odds2win777 take a peek at a family pot of [9d 2d Kc]. Odds moves in with (KK) and gets called by Derf-63 and Midway2933. Ouch!

10 min: Ksloflyer (30th) is the next one out, but I was too busy losing another hand to see it.

12 min: Wingsfancurt (29th) sees his (Kh Th) run into Birdy333’s (Ad Kd).
19 min: BigDaddyTman (28th) tries it with (A9) but can’t catch Tomservo2’s (TT).
33 min: Jenski6 (27th) lost to (AA) and right after, had her (AA) lose! No nub tonight!
35 min: Pre01 (26th) is the next one out, but I was busy losing yet another showdown.
39 min: Absea98 (25th) tries with (AT) but can’t catch Tomservo2’s (88).
40 min: Mistermusic5 (24th) moves in with his (Kh Jh) (84%) and a flop with a [J] in it. Budda627 had called with (QJ) (12%) - and a [Q] hit the turn! Ouch!

42 min: A short-stacked (SS) Biglou93 (23rd) has (Ad Ac) and sort of slow-played it. Odds2win777 also called Mikeniks-Faldo’s 3x normal raise. The flop was [9c 8d Kd]. Mikeniks bets and is called by both again. The turn is the [Jd]. Biglou moves all-in (14%) and both Mikeniks (22%) and Odds2 (64%) call. The river is the [8d]. Odds2 bets a good size bet with his (Qd Td)! Mikeniks just calls (afraid of the bigger full house) with (99) and a full house! This is what is known as a ‘cold deck’ hand.

49 min: A SS Drowninagain (22nd) sees his (A4) not catch up to Tigerbig’s (A8).
59 - 60 min: Funtoon (21st) first gets crippled as his (AJ) runs into Kensik’s (AQ). Then, he (55) is double-teamed (twss) by Pingsticks (KK) and Meatsword (TT). Ouch!

1st break:
Mikeniks-Faldo 6370
Birdy333 4687
Tomservo2 4480
Odds2win777 3980
Theedouble*d 3260
Akensi 3245
Pingsticks 3231
Budda627 2466
Tigercub8189 2382
ThePunk75 2372
Kensik 2240
TresStooges 2100
Tigerbig 2005
Bigbrimar 1960
K9isadog 1950
T3chlady 1310
Gdub28 1145
Suetman1 770
Sirgash 570
Meatsword 477

68 min: I missed the demise of TresStooges (20th).
70 min: A SS Suetman1 (19th) goes with (77) (80%) and the big stack Mikeniks-Faldo plays his small blind with (7s 6s) (16%) – and hits his flush. Ouch Sue!

72 min: A SS Sirgash (18th) goes with (KQ) but K9isadog has (AQ).
73 min: A SS Kensik (17th) goes with (77) but is run down by Theedouble*d’s (AK), with a [K] on the flop.
74 min: Tigercub8189 (KK) (63%) kills two as both SS’s T3chladt (16th) (Ad 6d) (16%) and Tigerbig (15th) (Ac Tc) (23%) have to try – but don’t catch up.

83 min: A SS Bigbrimar (13th) tries with (K9) but can’t catch Budda627’s (22).
84 min: Poor Birdy333 (13th). First her (QQ) runs into Budda627’s (KK), then her (KK) gets run down by K9isadog’s (TT). Ouch! This type of thing happened three or four times tonight. Crusher hands close together.

86 min: Theedouble*d and Mikeniks-Faldo double-team a SS’ed Gdub28 (12th).

89 min: Odds2win777 (11th) has his (88) run into ThePunk75’s (TT).
100 min: Tomservo2’s (10th) (Kh Qh) cannot catch ThePunk75’s (As Ks).
111 min: Theedouble*d (9th) semi-bluffs with (94) and a [4] on the flop, but Akensi (KK) is going nowhere.

2nd Break:
Akensi 11391
Tigercub8189 6969
Pingsticks 6904
Mikeniks-Faldo 6815
ThePunk75 5394
Budda627 5392
K9isadog 4327
Meatsword 3808

122 min: ThePunk75 (8th) goes with trips (55) (90%) – on a flop of [5T9]. Pingsticks calls with (Js Ts) (10%), and hits a runner-runner straight! Ouch!

124 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (7th) has to go with (QQ), and runs into Akensi’s (AA)!
131 min: Meatsword (6th) goes with (Qh Jh), but can’t overtake Tigercub8189’s (88).
133 min: A SS K9isadog (5th) makes a move with (A6) but cannot overtake Akensi’s (As 9s).

138 min: Tigercub8189 (4th) took a hit from Pingsticks, who ran down another straight. Then he has to go with (66), but Budda627 has (JJ).

149 min: Budda627 (3rd) loses with (88) to Pingstick’s (JJ).

Heads up: Pingsticks 39000 - 12000 Akensi

149 min: Akensi (3rd) goes with (QJ), but Pingsticks (A9).

Congratulations to Pingsticks on his first NPP victory! Welcome to the Walk of Fame, Pingsticks!

1st – Pingsticks – 24 points
2nd – Akensi – 19 points
3rd – Budda627 – 15 pts
4th – Tigercub8189 – 12 pts
5th – K9isadog – 9 pts
6th – Meatsword – 7 pts (2nd straight 6th)
7th – Mikeniks-Faldo – 5 pts
8th – ThePunk75 – 4 pts
9th – Theedouble*d – 3 pts

Every one else earned one (1) point! Standings on the right side of the blog!

Mistermusic5 Wins PokerStars Tourney!

“I just played a 360 person MTT - #231258213 on PokerStars, taking first and winning 85x my buy-in.”

Congratulations Mistermusic5, but a little more detail and story line would help Faldo out.

Nice job, and with the rest of the group, you carry the NPP banner well, Music!

So let’s add a ‘hat tip’ to Theedouble*d:

“We always hear about the Tiger’s, the Edwards’, terrorists and corrupt officials. Lets hear a beautiful story.”

You're a 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley. November 11, 1965. LZ X-ray,Vietnam.

Your infantry unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the Medi-Vac helicopters to stop coming in.

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're not getting out. Your family is 1/2 way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then - over the machine gun noise - you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter. You look up to see an unarmed Huey. But .... it doesn't seem real because no Medi-Vac markings are on it. Ed Freeman is coming for you. He's not Medi-Vac so it's not his job, but he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway. Even after the Medi-Vacs
were ordered not to come. He's coming anyway.

And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 2 or 3 of you on board. Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses.

And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!! He took about 30 of you and your buddies out who would never have gotten out.

Medal of Honor Recipient,
Ed W. Freeman, died August 20, 2008.
at the age of 80, in Boise, Idaho. – Wikipedia

Derf-63 Wins the NPP 2009 Heads-up Championship!

Derf-63 ran thru it undefeated, besting 16 entrants in the first double 'elimination' heads up tourney here at NPP.

His 'victims' - in order were:
BigDaddyTman
Boother36
K9isadog
Suetman1
Suetman1 in the Finals.

A hearty thank you for playing goes out to:
Bigbrimar
T3chlady
ThePunk75
Wingsfancurt
Mistermusic5
LittleRedElf
Funtoon
Smookie27
TresStooges
Absea98

We doubled the entries and the rounds in 2009. The NPP Tournament Committee does not have a clue as to how this tourney will be handled next year. But Faldo thinks the double elimination may be a one-time deal. We will see.

In any event, Derf-63 conquered the biggest and best Heads Up field in NPP history - and double elimination at that. Congrats to Derf-63!

And welcome Derf, to the NPP POTY list!

Faldo Registers for the WBCOOP

That would be the World Blogger Championship of Online Poker.

Do you think Faldo can be both the best poker player and have the best blog on poker - at the same time? We will see.

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! Bloggers can register to play for free in the WBCOOP, if you don’t have a PokerStars account you can get your Free Poker Download at PokerStars

Registration code: 040602

Let’s Review a Tournament Hand Together

I wish I got more of these in my inbox (twss).

I know NPP’s are pretty savvy players. But it still is a benefit to put the ego away for five minutes, and send Faldo a hand that you think – maybe – you didn’t play correctly.

I won’t divulge the player either. If the player wants to identify themselves in the comment section, that is up to them. But reviewing hands played and discussing strategy really does make EVERYONE better.

Chess players – those trying to improve anyway – do this religiously. Every time I lost to a higher rated player, I always asked if they would like to go over the game. Victors rarely refused to “re-live” their triumph (feeding their ego for my benefit). They would point out where I let the game go from being “even to “advantage” – better player”.

I learned a hole in my opening, or a lack of purpose in the middle game or a position blunder in the endgame. Now change the chess wording to poker wording (pre-flop, flop, and turn-river, and you have the same chance to analyze. You should be approaching poker this same way.

Ok, enough lecturing. On to the hand:

Our NPP Star wrote: “My trip 5s lost to trip Jacks here. Didn’t see it coming (twss). Did I screw up?”

120/240 Ante 25 – MTT No Limit Hold'em – 6 player per table tournament.

Seat 1: Dye (13,150), is sitting out
Seat 2: Dirt (7,630)
Seat 3: NPP Star (7,710)
Seat 4: phil (6,120)
Seat 5: wrig1 (18,175)
Seat 6: Villian (18,920)
Dye posts the small blind of 120
Dirtposts the big blind of 240
The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to NPP Star [5s 5d]
NPP raises to 720
phil folds
wrig1 folds
Villian calls 720
Dye folds
Dirt folds
*** FLOP *** [5h Jd 9h]
NPP bets 1,950
Villian has 15 seconds left to act, then raises to 8,000.
NPP calls 5,015, and is all in
Villain shows [Jh Jc]
NPP shows [5s 5d]
*** TURN *** [5h Jd 9h] [4d]
*** RIVER *** [5h Jd 9h 4d] [Ah]
Villain shows three of a kind, Jacks
NPP shows three of a kind, Fives – and is eliminated.

Faldo’s analysis:
A review shows that NPP is sitting ‘OK’ in chips. I know looking at the other stacks, that it appears you are way behind, but you are not. They just got early ‘nub’. You still have over 30 big blinds, so there is no need to get overly aggressive out of position.

Small pocket pairs are either a gift or a curse, but Faldo finds them to be a curse most of the time – out of position. Ok, I said it twice. You ARE out of position.

I may have raised – as NPP did, or called or min-raised or once in a while, moved all-in. I am not being coy here, but table dynamics, such as how I view the other players – AND most important – how they view me as a player, plays a role in my decision here.

All things being neutral, I probably min-raise or call here. The Villain probably juices it and I can safely fold without further damage to my stack. But my standard re-raise gave the Villain a chance to be coy and ram it on the flop as long as a lone [A], [K] or [Q] doesn’t hit the board.

As it played out, the delay by the Villain might have been a ‘tell’ - or maybe not. But after flopping trips, our NPP hero is committed to see the hand thru. The Villain might be pushing the straight or flush draw with over-cards, two pair or trip 4’s.

He had the trip Jacks, so all the nub went to the Villain on that hand.

The only error I see is that our NPP’er did not give enough consideration (respect) to the big stacks at the table. It is important to know that in that chip situation, when you decide to “dance”, it will probably be for your entire stack. Is pocket 5's worth it when still ok in chips?

I probably would have called or min-raised and would have folded to added pressure. If the Villain slow-plays and hits set over set – then I am out too.

Note that his slow play backfires if he is holding (QQ) instead of (JJ). He moves in and our NPP’er is a big favorite to double up!

PS: Derf-63 vs Suetman1 Heads Up Final is on Sunday at 7pm!

Derf-63 vs Suetman1 in the NPP Heads Up Championship

Sixteen of NPP's finest started and there are only two left.

Derf-63 won the winner's bracket and Suetman1 survived the loser's bracket. Now they square off in the finals.

Suetman1 has to win back to back matches to claim the title. Derf only needs one win in two chances.

Derf and Suetman1 - feel free to use this article to decide your time and date for your match.

I hope we get some railbirds to harrass.....I mean cheer the finalists on.

Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXVII

Cocktail Conversation

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the 2 things that I enjoy the most - cars and men.

Therefore, I chose "Carmen. What's your name?"

He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."


Common Sense Douge2

Two poker players, Faldo and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer.

Doug turns to Nik and says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.”

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Doug goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.

“Logic?” Doug says. “What's that?”

The dean says, “I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
would have a yard.”

“That's true, I do have a yard.”

“I'm not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“Yes, I have a family.”

“I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That's amazing! You were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.”

Excited to take the class now, Doug shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Faldo at the bar. He tells Faldo about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Nik says, “What's that?”

Doug says, “I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?”

“No.”

“Then you're gay.”

Fourbetbluff and K9isadog Chop the 1st NPP Tourney of the Year!

A record setting night in so many ways. Largest field in NPP history as thirty-six players made it to the NPP felt.

We had a record number of new players also join us; Odds2win777, Pingsticks, Tigerbig, Drowninagain, Nicklittle, Burgessk89 and Deadriver6. Welcome one and all!

We had a record number of alumni return also; Suetman1, Sirgash, Fourbetbluff, Vanettij, and Douche_Splat. Glad to have you all back at the tables.

And we had our first ever chop in NPP history!

The NPP Rules Committee met in an emergency session. They bravely worked overtime on this and concerned themselves – not at all – about the lack of sleep or inconvenience to them on this cold night. They went right to work.

Well, after the topless bars closed – they went right to work.

The final three money cashing players can discuss money deals on any tournament. NPP point deals can be made – except the last three tournaments of any quarter – and of course not in the NPP Championships.

It was a different route, but Fourbetbluff is credited with his first ever NPP tournament victory.

Ok, now on to the action:

5 min: Suetman1 (36th) is out first. Didn’t see it with five tables going.
11 min: T3chlady (35th) is next out. Didn’t see that either. Playing too, you know.
14 min: Rennzzo (34th) sees his (JJ) lose to Fourbetbluff’s (Ah Kh) to a [K] on the river.

18 min: Derf-63 (33rd) sees his (88) run into Drowninagain’s (JJ).
26 min: TresStooges (32nd) sees his (JJ) run into Burgessk89’s (QQ).
28 min: Owetheshark (31st) loses his (77) coin flip to Fourbetbluff’s (AK) with an [A] on the river.

29 min: Vanettij (30th) takes one in the chops. His (A7) flops two pair (70%), but Deadriver6 turns a flush with his (Qd 8d) (30%). Ouch!

30 min: Kensik (29th) goes out next and I missed it.
31 min: Because (28th) Douche-Splat (28th) was all-in with (33) and ran into Fourbetbluff’s (KK).

32 min: That hand also caused me to miss Biglou93’s (27th) exit.

38 min: Theedouble*d (26th) looks good as his (TT) (57%) is up against Drowninagain’s (JT) (41%), but Drown hits a straight on the river.

40 min: A short-stacked (SS) Douge2 (25th) tries with (KJ) but ThePunk75’s (66) holds on.

44 min: I missed Pingstick’s (24th) exit because I was playing my hand.
45 min: Mikeniks-Faldo (23rd) had a rough end to his tournament. I make a lame call against a SS K9isadog and now am a fairly short stack myself.

Then I get double-teamed by Meatsword and Jenski6, and my (AK) gets run down. Finally, my SS (Ac 5c) loses to Meatsword’s straight.

Not only did I play poorly, but my luck was bad too. Note to self: Uh…it is much harder to win with that combination, so stop the first part at least.

55 min: A SS Absea98 (22nd) sees his (Ad 6d) not catch up to Nicklittle’s (AK).

1st break:
Deadriver6 5185
K9isadog 4678
Fourbetbluff 4665
Drowninagain 3895
Sirgash 3390
Birdy333 3298
ThePunk75 3025
BigDaddyTman 2990
Burgessk89 2908
Meatsword 2519
Jenski6 2242
Mistermusic5 2207
LittleRedElf 2055
Funtoon 1996
Akensi 1680
Nicklittle 1535
Budda627 1360
Odds2win777 1360
Tomservo2 1130
Tigerbig 885
Tigercub8189 725

72 min: Twelve minutes later, a SS Mistermusic5 (21st) has to go with (KQ) (59%) and is looked up by Meatsword with (8d 6d) (40%) and Meat hits his flush on the flop! Ouch!

78 min: I missed the demise of Tigerbig (20th).
79 min: I also missed the exit of ThePunk75 (19th).
85 min: A SS LittleRedElf (18th) goes with (AQ) but Fourbetbluff’s (55) hang on.
86 min: A SS Funtoon’s (17th) (AK) (60%) is run down by Jenski6’s (9s 6s) (40%), who flushes the Toon away. You may notice that some of these suited hands are not that big a dog against a pair of higher, but unsuited and unpaired cards pre-flop.

87 min: Jenski6, with (AA), kills both Odds2win777 (16th) (Ac 3c) and Birdy333 (15th) with (KK)!

88 min: A SS Tigercub8189 (14th) is out next and I missed it.
98 min: Nicklittle (13th) was out next and I missed that too.
103 min: A SS Deadriver6 (12th) makes a move with (6h 4h) (46%), but BigDaddyTman’s (J3) (53%) pairs with an [J] on the flop.

104 min: Burgessk89 (11th) is attacked in a three-way (twss) and is eliminated.
109 min: Akensi is out (10th), and I missed it.

I know I missed more hands than usual. But I am still not up to par yet, tired from the return to gainful employment, and actually out of practice with trying to play AND watch all the action. Put all this with the biggest tourney we ever had, and Faldo had some screw ups. Don’t worry – I will get better!

I mean better at recording the action – not actually playing poker. Let’s not expect miracles.

112 min: Tomservo2 (9th) loses with (55) to Fourbetbluff’s (A9), with an [A] on the river.

2nd Break:
Drowninagain 13422
Fourbetbluff 11800
Sirgash 6270
BigDaddyTman 5485
Meatsword 5227
K9isadog 4585
Jenski6 3771
Budda627 3440

122 min: Jenski6 (8th) goes with (77), but Drowninagain is holding (TT).
127 min: Budda627 (7th) has to go with (AQ), and runs into Fourbetbluff with (AA)!
133 min: Meatsword (6th) goes with (A3) (52%). The big stack, Fourbetbluff looks him up with (Jd 9d) (47%) and 4bet pairs his [J] on the turn.

138 min: A SS Sirgash (5th) makes a move with (Q4) but cannot overtake Drowninagain’s (88).

140 min: Drowninagain (4th) took a hit from two players in two minutes and now has to go with (44). BigDaddyTman calls with (AQ), and hits a [Q] on the flop.

158 min: BigDaddyTman (3rd) loses with (KJ) to Fourbetbluff’s (JT), with a [J] on the river. A lot of that sort of stuff – happened tonight. And it got worse!

Heads up: Fourbetbluff 38455 - 15545 K9isadog

What happens for the next 25 minutes is an up and down roller-coaster where the best hand never held up! As railbird Theedouble*d said so eloquently, “This type of shit makes me want to quit the game.” But in actuality – it is precisely this shit that keeps the tables full. But it is still ugly to watch.

160 min: Fourbetbluff 18000 - 36000 K9isadog
165 min: Fourbetbluff 30000 - 24000 K9isadog
166 min: Fourbetbluff 4500 (A9 lost to) - 49500 K9isadog (A4)
170 min: Fourbetbluff 18000 (miracle cards) - 36000 K9isadog
175 min: Fourbetbluff 13800 - 40200 K9isadog (miracle hit)
180 min: Fourbetbluff 27000 - 27000 K9isadog

They decide to split the money and the points. Fourbetbluff gets the extra point as he won the meaningless suicide all-in race. Congratulations to Fourbetbluff and K9isadog. First co-winners and first point splitters in NPP history.

1st – Fourbetbluff – 22 points
2nd – K9isadog – 21 points
3rd – BigDaddyTman – 15 pts
4th – Drowninagain – 12 pts
5th – Sirgash – 9 pts
6th – Meatsword – 7 pts
7th – Budda627 – 5 pts
8th – Jenski6 – 4 pts
9th – Tomservo2 – 3 pts
Every one else earned one (1) point! Standings on the right side of the blog!

T3chlady Makes Final Table in a Full Tilt Tourney

T3chlady decided to put the practice she received at NPP to good use, and finished 5th out of 710 players in a tournament on Full Tilt Poker.

When you play at NPP, you become a force elsewhere. That is just the way it is.

Congratulations T3. You make all NPP'ers proud.

Niks Poker Palace and Faldo Update

Just a heads up to everyone on a few issues:

• Faldo’s health is improving. Thank you for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers.

I am getting back into my normal groove and will even return to the live felt wars soon.

And I forgive Beerhog for stealing my Labatts Blue, Davethedog for stealing my cigars and Bigbrimar for hitting on the wife - while I was in my sick bed.

After all, I’d have done the same for them if the situation was reversed. Except I would have went after all three things – at the same time! What do you expect from rookies? They are not Faldo.

• It appears Faldo will be heading back to the 9 to 5 work – job grind on January 4th. While this is great news for the tax collectors, it will put a bit of a cramp on the usual lightening response time that was coming from NPP Central headquarters.

An exhausted and overworked Faldo will answer the NPP business in the evenings, once I am released from the salt mines and no longer under the whip of the taskmasters.

Not a bad attitude for the first day on the job, eh?

• Remember the new NPP 2010 season opens this Tuesday. Recruit and talk up the league and the blog!

Yes, lie if you have to. Tell them Faldo is a great writer and LittleRedElf is a mope ribbon clerk fish donkey. Whatever it takes!

And the NPP Tournament Committee took some player's suggestion at heart and adjusted the scoring guidelines for a 5th place finish - from 10 pts to 9 pts.

So when you finish 5th and get one less point than you would have received under the old system, be sure to thank those players for speaking out. Now, NPP policy forbids the disclosure of these private and confidential correspondence between players and the NPP Tournament committee. Security is of the utmost importance!

We won't even disclose that their initials are LRE and Ab98. Our lips are sealed.

• We should start looking at dates for the next NPP at PPL evening. January 15 or 16 or 22 or 23 or 29 or 30?

Start reviewing your calendar and pick some dates. It was a great evening last time!

• The heads up tourney is moving along. Down to the final six. Very exciting stuff!

Catch some of the action if you can. I will post the date and times of the matches on the bracket.

Happy New Year everyone! – Faldo

Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXVI

Safety First!

Davethedog had a flat tire on the interstate, so he eased the car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

Dave took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of his car facing on-coming traffic.

They look so life-like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

To Dave’s surprise, cars start slowing down looking at Dave’s men, which made it safer for The Dog to work at the side of the road.

And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind Dave’s car.

He gets out of his car and starts walking towards Dave, and Dave could tell he was not a happy camper!

The cop says, “What's going on here?”

“My car has a flat tire”, Dave said calmly.

“Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?”

Dave couldn't believe that the officer didn't know.

“Helloooooo! Emergency Flashers?”


No Good Gift Giving to the Wife Goes Unpunished

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 -- the sheerer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), “I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never saw or heard the shot....

Happy New Year! - and Faldo's Year in Review

2009 needed to end. Not a great year for our country - or Faldo overall.

Democrats finally closed the lid on the once great automobile industry that employed me and millions of others. Regulations, taxes and unions finally killed the golden goose dead.

My country - once the beacon of freedom in the world - is now a socialist Euro - parlament monarchy.

And I had health issues to close it out. Lucky it happened now, and not after everything medical is socialized. At least some people in other contries could come here for treatment in time to save their lives. Now there will be no where to go.

But that is the plan they have to fix social security. No seniors, no worries.

But, 2010 is here and with it brings a new start. Here's hoping a light goes on with my fellow serfs and they realize what they did to themselves.

Poker was the tale of weirdness.

Tournament success early - and a drought late - brought a negative result overall.

Sit and go tournaments were profitable enough almost pay for the MTT tournament losses.

Ring play on-line was a disaster. Although I did not log enough hours (too many tourneys and SNG's) to call it an accurate reading of my play, I never could figure out why I could never get rolling. Could be just a bad run. Could be I am doing something wrong on line. Don't know.

Ring play at the casinos/charities was profitable enough to cover the on-line losses and then some. So what is the deal with on-line?

The records show it was a slightly profitable 2009 for Faldo poker-wise. I'll take that as a sign I need to keep working at it. I did not notice Phil Ivey shaking with fear at the mention of Faldo's name yet. Got to fix that.

Happy New Year to everyone!