Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXV

Mistaken Identity

Sirgash staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, 2 black eyes, and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asked him, “What happened to YOU?”

“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my girl Nixi, at a difficult hole. We both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to Nixi, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’

I don't remember much after that.”


Men’s Sensitivity Test

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing

C. Bumping uglies.


2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five tequila slammers.


3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.


4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.


5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. Costs her $100 extra.


6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affection for her.

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym and do double workouts.

C. A conservative estimate.


7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A moron.


8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to an entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.


Evaluating Results:

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, you are 4Putt after marriage.

If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

If you answered "C" more than 7 times, you are NPP material.