Keeping With Tradition
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. " Guido, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy.. Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to the watch and say, “Time's Up”?
Actual Headlines Found in Newspapers!
“Coed Excited Dad Got Head Job”
“Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says”
“Stats Show Teen Pregnancy Drops After Age 25”
“What Constitutes a Millionaire?”
“One-Armed Man Applauds Kindness of Strangers”
“Camouflage Army Vehicle Disappears”
“Fish Needs Water Feds Say”
“County to Spend $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds”
“Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum”
“Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not to Take Poison”
“Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks"
"Obama Watches College Football Game - Wins Heisman Trophy"
Ok, the last one is not a real headline.
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