Douge2’s Humor Corner – XIV

THE 1O COMMANDMENTS OF GOLF

THOU SHALT NOT covet thy neighbors putter.
THOU SHALT NOT pick up lost balls before they stop rolling.
THOU SHALT NOT wager with those who carry a one-iron.
THOU SHALT NOT play "inside the leather" with a 52" putter.
THOU SHALT NOT build thy house of handicap with sand bags.
THOU SHALT NOT worship St. Mulligan, except on the 1st tee.
THOU SHALT NOT imitate a stunt driver in a golf cart.
THOU SHALL yell "Fore!" before the body hits the ground.
THOU SHALL restrict profanity on the course to three putting or worse.
THOU SHALL throw thy clubs in non-lethal directions.

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex - From David Letterman's Late Night Show

1. A below par performance is considered good.
2. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
3. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
4. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
5. Foursomes are encouraged.
6. Three times a day is possible.
7. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
8. If you live in Florida or California, you can do it every day.
9. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
10. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

More Truisms

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard?

Golf is by far the ultimate love / hate relationship. Sometimes it seems as though your cup runneth and moveth over.

It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer eat hot dogs and fart while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Water hazards are no walk in the park for fish, turtles, frogs or gators either.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot.

That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven,
he probably shot an eight.

You probably wouldn't look good in a Green Jacket anyway! A green sweater-vest will do just fine!