Douge2’s Humor Corner – XIII

The Marriage Bond

Sirgash and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because the wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Sirgash headed home, frustrated.

The following week, when Sirgash's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Sirgash was already there. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.

"How did you talk Nixi44 into letting you go, Sirgash?"

"I didn't have to," Sirgash replied. "I went home from work last night and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows.

Then the Nixi snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee.

She said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'. SO HERE I AM!”


Brokeback II

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty. Upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

“Now take off my heels.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

“Now take off my stockings.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly
by her shoes.

“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!”