Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXXXIX

Grab on Tight!!

The other day, a gentleman went to the dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle to give him a shot. "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do gas either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me"!

As a last resort, the dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "Hell no", the man said. "Finally a good solution. I'm fine with pills".

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."

The gentleman said in amazement, "WOW! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth!"


Subject: What Faldo Would Have Said if He Was Tiger Woods

To my wife: I'm sorry. I screwed up and I won't ever do it again. I love you. But I can’t change it, so you'll either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the prenup....sorry.

To my fans: Get over it. Where I dip my wick is none of your business. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop puts that you couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis.

To the media: You losers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years, knowing exactly what has been going on…. and now ripping me every chance you've had since Thanksgiving. Fuck all ya'll. I'm glad I got a break from answering the same bullshit questions over and over again.

To the other golfers: Kiss my ass! Some of you come out ripping me when I've put more fucking money in your pockets than you could count? You think anyone's been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a break. I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys. But I think it's going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

That's all I got today folks.....see ya at Augusta!

Oh and Bambi, if my wife takes the check - and you're listening - I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.