Douge2's Humor Corner - XXXXVII

Golfing Hit Man

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.

“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.”

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

“I'm a hit man,” was the reply.
“You're joking!” was the response.
“No, I'm not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”

“That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.” So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

“Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!” He turned to the hit man, “How much do you charge for a hit?”

“I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”
“Can you do two for me now?”
“Sure, what do you want?”

“First, shoot my wife. She's always been bitchy and loud, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he was a friend of mine, so shoot his member off to teach him a lesson he won't forget.”

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

“Are you going to do it or not?” said the friend impatiently.

“Just be patient,” said the hit man calmly, “I think I can save you a grand here.”