Faldo’s Advice Column for Women – part III

I get letters all the time asking for the time tested and true advice that can only be given by Faldo. Here is a sample of some of the letters I answer daily:

Dear Faldo,

My husband comes home from work on Fridays and absolutely refuses to do anything all weekend but watch the Cubs or the Lions on TV and lay around in the hammock he's got stretched between two trees over our patio next to the lawn.
What do you think of a man like that?

Signed,
Aggravated in Ferndale

Dear AIF,

You raise a myriad of troubling issues in one short sentence. First, how did a Ferndale man get hooked on the CUBS in the first place?! I don't know where to begin with that one. He's just asking for a lifetime of heartache and broken dreams! Of course, he is used to the pain, because of the f’ing Lions!

I'd recommend a good sports therapist immediately for this unhealthy addiction.

Next, why is the hammock strung over the patio instead of the lawn? This is a definite safety issue. I'd recommend installing a good, thick lawn such as Conquest sod turf, which will provide a comfy landing zone for those unfortunate summer time snoozing accidents.

Since your husband doesn't like to be disturbed on weekends, I recommend you do this during the week. Mornings are best, as the sod will take more readily with a little dew. Get yourself a sturdy pair of Wells-Lamont gardening gloves while you're at it, as they'll cut down on blisters.

Happy to help,
Faldo


Dear Faldo,

My husband, Matchy, has a mutual friend, Bill, whom I am also very close to. Recently, Bill tagged along with Matchy and his fishing buddy, BigBriMar, as they spent the day at the lake together.

It was a couple of days later that Bill, who is kind of a chatterbox, told me that while they were drinking beer and cleaning the fish Albert confessed to an affair with my best friend, Helen. I've been just sick over this ever since Bill told me. But I am holding everything in, since I don't know who to confide in.

Now my husband won't have anything to do with Bill and I feel bad about that, too. I feel like I'm going to bust if I don't talk to somebody! I'm wondering what your take is on all this?

Signed,
Sick Of Holding Everything In

Dear Sick,

I don't blame your husband for not talking to Bill. First, no one wants a blabbermouth in the boat. Angling is difficult enough without someone scaring the fish with their constant blather.

Second, Bill obviously cannot hold his beer or his tongue. That's a bad combination for someone seeking male friendship. I'd recommend Matchy and Bigbrimar find another fishing partner.

By the way, did they have any luck? I'm always looking for new waters to troll. I can replace Bill as your close friend too, and comfort you in your time of stress. Just wear something sexy when I come over. You will feel better about yourself.

You can see that I am sensitive and caring.

Faldo