Faldo’s Advice Column for Women – part II

I get letters all the time asking for the time tested and true advice that can only be given by Faldo. Here is a sample of some of the letters I answer daily:

Dear Faldo,
I recently found poems and love letters indicating my husband of 23 years has been having sex with my best friend in our bedroom, if you can believe that!

Since I've found this out, I can't sleep, I have no appetite, and I'm so angry with both of them I don't know what to do. I hate to even confess this crossed my mind, but last Saturday I took his .22 revolver off the night stand and contemplated using it on both of them if I caught them that evening.

Thank God I did not, but I'm so overwrought I don't know what to do. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Overwrought In Ann Arbor

Dear OIAA,

Violence is never the answer. Talk to husband about your best friend and offer to join in as their love slave. If he turns you down, beg her to let you. I’m sure one of them will oblige you into this win-win situation.

Hope this helps,
Faldo


Dear Faldo,

I have a real dilemma on my hands. My husband, Phil, can't take his eyes off the neighbor girls. One is an 18-year-old buxom blonde and the other is a beautiful 25 year-old red head who just graduated from Princeton. Faldo, it's downright embarrassing to see this man oogling women half his age right in front of me! I've tried insulting him in front of company, making jokes about his behavior, punishing him in the bedroom, but nothing works.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

Signed,
Distraught n Hudson, MI

Dear DIH,

That is why women come to Faldo for advice. Logic escapes them.

Not having sex with your husband will make him 'check out the menu' even harder! Duh!!!

But you do present a dilemma.

My head tells me go with the red head, since she's older, more mature, and has a marketable degree. On the other hand, the busty blonde would be trainable.

Actually, you might as well approach both of them about a threesome. If the first one says yes, it is bonus time asking the other one! You might get a foursome out of the deal and your husband’s undying gratitude. Good luck.

Faldo

Bonus advice Ladies: If you are worrying about competing against other furnaces, then become the fuel!