Douge2’s Humor Corner VI

Women are Tough
An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pirogue with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame and gazing into the kitchen. If not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table, were hundreds of his favorite pierogies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the pierogi was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

"Back off!" she said. "Those are for the funeral."

Harley Mechanic
A gynecologist had become fed up with high cost malpractice insurance and was also on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to find another career where skilled hands would be beneficial, he decided to make a major career change and become a Harley mechanic.

He found out from the local community college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find he had obtained a more than perfect score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which may need adjusting.”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You also put the engine back together perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

The instructor went on to say, “I gave you that extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler!”