Douge2 Supplies Some Laughs

1. Do-Gooders

Faldo was sitting on a park bench finishing his lunch of a Big Mac and fries. After starting on the beer hidden in the paper bag and lighting up a cigar, a man on the bench across from him said to him, "You know eating like that, drinking like that and smoking like that isn't good for you. It will give you cancer, a heart attack, and make you fat."

Faldo replied, "Well, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat, drink and smoke the way you do?"

Faldo replied, "No, he minded his own fucking business."


2. Polite Way to Excuse Yourself

An instructor was trying to teach good manners to NPP players and asked her students the following question:

"Faldo, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Fadlo said, "Just a minute I have to go take a squirt."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What a bout you Dave the Dog, how would you say it?"

Dave said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

The instructor said, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Tigercub, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

Tigercub said "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

The teacher fainted.