The Labor Day Golf Weekend was a Disappointment.

I got 36 holes in on Friday by playing with two balls - on 18 holes - by myself. Good thing I have a lot of practice at that.

Even so, my performance was terrible by the way (twss).

I did not play again until Monday. Not because Faldo was spent (twss), but because every golf partner I have was ‘busy’. Some were up north fishing, some were attending college football games, some were injured, some had to work, some were at hockey practice, some were running and/or participating in 30 fantasy football leagues at once. Some even used the excuse there “were at family functions.” How lame.

Oh, and Davethedog had Mary Kay commitments and dishes to dry.

I think you are all familiar with my 2011 Faldo’s Caddie tryouts.

I even decided to give the ladies a chance to tee it up with Faldo this weekend. I asked every one of them I have ever known – even as far back a grade school, several times if they were available – with phone calls, emails, texts, flowers, candy-grams, Thong of the Month gift cards. No takers.

I even tried “Imdesperate dot com” and “Ipaycashjustforcompany dot net”. Uhhhh…..no sale.

Could it be that Faldo is not as handsome and fascinating as he thinks he is?
Naw, that can’t be it.

Monday as you may remember was the worst weather day of the weekend. So, naturally, that is when Faldo gets to return to the links. Another 36 holes – only this time with Bigbrimar and Bronco76.

They proceed to kick Faldo’s butt on three of the four nines! Bigbrimar shot his best rounds of the year, while Faldo continued to add chapters to his best-selling book;

“How to Screw Up Great Drives Even From the Center of the Fairway in Perfect Position and With a Great Lie.”

Subtitled: “How to Double-Bogey Lying One and Only 100 yards Out!” – or – “How to One-Putt for a Snowman” – or – “How to Make Sure Your Third Chip Attempt on a Hole Finally Stays on the Green.”

And it was embarrassing to have to bring in earth-moving equipment in to replace the divots I was making.

I did put my long woods back in the bag (twss) for another chance. I had taken them out because I was slicing them just ever so slightly out of play.

But recently the long irons I was hitting so well in June started chunking, skulling, worm-burning and shanking. So I thought I would try the woods again.

Well now I was hitting the ball with the woods - so far into the woods on the right - I did not have to waste any time looking for it. Bonus!

That gave me more time to pick up the club after it somehow ended up forty yards in front of where I was standing when I attempted the shot. How it got out there so far and fast – I'm sorry. I can't recall.

My clubs may need new grips. Yeah, that’s the problem……the clubs. It can’t be Faldo’s swing being off. Naw, that’s not it. No need to hit the driving range to figure it out.

Driving ranges are for sissies.