Douge2’s Humor Corner – LV

Canadian Humor

A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy a half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The young man says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the assistant said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. So he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to his protégé, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the young man replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada,” the manager asked?

The young man said, “Because sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Oh, really??” said the manager. “I’ll have you know my wife is from Canada!”

“No shit?” replied the assistant. “Who'd she play for?”


Late Night Talk Show Humor

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. - Leno

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. – Leno

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser. - Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. - Conan O'Brien

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. – Letterman

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. - Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America! - Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers. - Kimmel