Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXXI

What’s in a Name?

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked,

"What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years.... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name.. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. "

Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke


Presidential Material

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and eight or ten roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

Farmer John kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot
and was replaced. That took an awful lot ofhis time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them on to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so that farmer John could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and
fill out an efficiency report just by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was. But one particular morning John noticed that old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets,
hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But, to farmer John's amazement, Butch held his bell between his beak so it wouldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, then sneak off to the next one.

John was so proud of Butch that he entered him in the Renfrew county fair, where Butch became an overnight sensation amongst the judges. The result...the judges not only awarded Butch the No-Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise
as well.

Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on the planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?