Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXV

Love for Sale

A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. The redneck was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

The redneck showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, the redneck said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, “You can't never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth", The redneck said, "I want all the other workers away from her pen. No witnesses." Once again it was agreed.

“And last," Bigbrimar said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.”


Faldo’s Confession as a Teen

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.”

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later because our church is small. So you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina?”
“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa?”
“I'll never tell.”

“Was it Marie?”
“I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy?”
“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rita, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration.
“You're very tight lipped, and I admire that you are being a gentleman. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Wingsfancurt slides over and whispers, “What'd you get?”

Faldo says, “Four months vacation and five good leads.”