KingBing420 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

KingBing420 derailed the rest of the field!

She beat a field of fourteen and takes the early lead in the 3rd quarter for the 3rd seat in the NPP Finals.

Mikeniks-Faldo got a run of cards late to scoot him into 2nd spot this evening - after losing a hard fought battle to Bing heads up. But with his 2nd place points - he takes the Total Points lead away from T3chlady - who is off doing poker battle in a little known place called - Las Vegas.

3rd - Absea98
4th - Johnnied55
Bubble - Derf-63

Congratulations to KingBing420 for her 5th NPP win!

A return of Just for Men jokes (shocker I know):

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. The woman should open the beer before delivering it to the man.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink when doing dishes.

How do you know when a woman is finally going to say something smart?
The sentence starts off with "A man once told me......"

What is the best make of watch to buy a woman?
None. There is a clock on the stove. She doesn't need a watch.

What do you call a woman who has 95% of her intellegence?
Divorced.

Scientists discovered the food that destroys a woman's sex drive.
It's called wedding cake.

My wife and I's last fight was all my fault.
She asked me what was on TV - and I said "dust".

God created man and rested.
Then God created woman - and neither God or man has rested since.

A man put an ad in the paper that said "Wife wanted".
He got thousands of replies all saying the same thing - "Take mine!"

Why are women's wedding dresses white?
So the dishwasher matches the stove.

Now some of you might think that this a childish list put on this site by a sore loser who lost to a woman in heads up poker play.........But, ......well........er...........ummmmmm..........Faldo's got to go.....ummm..... change the oil in his car.........yeah, that's it....change the oil.

ThePunk75 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016 - Douge2 Wins the 2nd Quarter Seat!

ThePunk75 left the NPP field bloodied but not defeated!

ThePunk75 got a rare time out from his kid's baseball coaching, to show up and push the eleven person NPP field around this evening. ThePunk already has his seat in the NPP Finals because he won the 1st quarter!

ThePunk's victory gave the absent Douge2 the 2nd quarter seat. T3chlady gave it a shot but came up a mere .47 of a point away from unseating Douge2. It was an exciting finish. The 3rd Quarter starts next week - so be here.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - T3chlady
Bubble - 95corolla

T3chlady did pick up some points and kept the Total Point lead. Tough break on the 2nd quarter Lady.

Congratulations to ThePunk75 on his 27th NPP win! And congratulations to Douge2 on his 2nd Quarter win and having a seat in the NPP Finals!

Sometimes ......just sometimes..... Faldo stirs up the Battle of the Sexes - just for fun. Sometimes the Ladies have responses and comebacks to the Faldo tweeks. Here are some:

Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, full - bodied, hot and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and usually head right for your hips.

Men are like blenders. You need one but you are not really sure why.

Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like copiers. You need them for reproduction....and that is about it.

Men are like curling irons. They are always hot and always in your hair.

Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like high heels. They are easy to walk on once you learn how.

Men are like lawn mowers. You are either pushing one around or riding it.

Men are like lava lamps. Nice to look at but not very bright.

Men are like noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste and need dough.

Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are impossible to find or extremely small.

Men are like toilet plungers. They are either in the hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like place mats. They only show up when food is on the table.

Men are like used cars. Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Men are like the weather. You can complain about it, but nothing can be done to change either one.

Men are like snowstorms. You never know for sure when they are coming, how many inches you will get or how long they will last.

Derf-63 Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

Derf-63 wins ......two.

Derf-63 gets his second victory of the 2nd quarter and year, but he doesn't have enough points to be a factor this quarter. More later.

2nd - Johnnied55
3rd - Absea98
4th - Mikeniks-Faldo
5th - 95corolla
Bubble - T3chlady

There are only two players who can win the 2nd quarter and that is the Leader - Douge2 and the one in 2nd place - T3chlady.

The bubble finish for The Lady did not help.

But poker players give no one mercy and the Total Point Race still has a half a year to go.

So, next week we will all be trying to win and where Douge2 and T3chlady finish is up to them - and the cards.

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 25th NPP win!

As I write this, it was just announced that the great hockey player Gordie Howe just died at age 88.

To tell you what this man means to people in Hockey Town, I have a nephew who's middle name is Gordon - after the Great #9.

Faldo has his own story concerning Gordie Howe. Here it is:
Gordie and some others were giving a clinic for beginner hockey players and they were on the ice prior to a Faldo league hockey game.

Faldo and his teammates watched #9 move smoothly and gracefully over the ice, even in his 50's. Heck, he was still playing - or just finally retired in his mid 50's.

Anyway, we retired to our locker room to dress. When we came out and lined up to jump on the ice, the Zamboni was still cleaning the ice. As we waited for the Zamboni to finish, Faldo noticed that Gordie was sitting on our bench!

Now he was not in the bench, but perched on the dasher with his skated in our bench, resting on the actual bench. People were hanging out over the half-plexiglass behind our bench getting autographs and taking pictures of Gordie as he signed whatever they handed him.

Finally, the Zamboni finished and our Captain opened the door and my team started onto the ice to warm up prior to our game. As Faldo got close to the door, Faldo made a right turn into the bench - rather than jumping on the ice.

Faldo walked up to Gordie Howe and said, "How is it going Gordie. Long time no see!", and Faldo reached out to shake his hand. He extended his hand with a slightly confused look on his face.
As we shook hands, Faldo turned to the crowd and said, "Folks, Faldo can only stay for a few pictures and then Faldo has to go."

With that, Faldo put his arm around Gordie Howe and turned to the crowd. The flash bulbs were a poppin as fast as they could push their little camera buttons!

After a minute or so, Faldo put up his hand and said, "Sorry folks, but my teammates are waiting. Good to see you Gord. Later."

With that, Faldo jumped over the boards and started skating with his teammates, skating as fast as possible and doing crossovers and skating backwards and anything else Faldo could do to look like he knew what he was doing out there.

The flashbulbs were now still on Faldo, and Gordie Howe was occasionally glancing over his shoulder trying to figure out where he had met Faldo before.

My teammates skated by me and asked, "Do you really know Gordie?" And Faldo assured them he did.

After the game, Faldo had to fess up that the closest he ever was to Gordie Howe before that moment was that my mother got his autograph for me once in a restaurant they were both eating in.

Gordie Howe was gracious at all times to all people. Faldo tries to emulate Gordie.

Rest in peace #9.

Absea98 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Blair O'Neil says Absea98 has 'game'.

Absea98 was low in chips most of the round, but caught fire late - cooled again - and then re-fired to win for the first time this year. Nice job Absea98.

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - 95corolla
4th - T3chlady
Bubble - GMOgolf

T3chlady expands her Total Point lead, and creeps into Douge2 range. This will make the last two weeks of the 2nd round very interesting!

GMOgolf just missed the points this evening.

Congratulations to Absea98 on his 14th NPP win!

Now some t-shirt slogans in Faldo's drawer:

"Real Men Don't Waste Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of my Attorney; My t-shirt Carries No Message at This Time"

"Procrastinate .....NOW!"

"Kentucky - Millions of People - 15 Last Names"

"Where There is a Will......I Want to be in It"

"It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was Already Taken"

"Hard Work Pays Off Later.....Laziness Pays Off Immediately"

"The original 'point and click' interface was a Smith and Remmington"

"My Wild Oats Have Turned into Shredded Wheat"

"Listen Woman - Tell Your Chest to Stop Staring at My Eyes"

(Actually on Faldo's Golf Hat) "Save the Country - Repeal the 19th Amendment"

LittleRedElf Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Three cheers for the Elf's 3rd win of 2016!

The Elf is on a roll again, and that is bad news for the rest of the NPP'ers.

He takes over the Total Points Lead and moves closer to having a shot at running down Douge2 for the 2nd Quarter lead for a seat in the NPP Finals.

2nd - T3chlady
3rd - Mikeniks-Faldo
4th - Tigercub8189
5th - Douge2
Bubble - Absea98

The race is tightening up slightly in the 2nd quarter, but unless someone wins the rest of the rounds - and has some current leaders come up empty, it looks like Douge2, T3chlady and the Elf are the only ones still in contention for the 2nd Quarter seat.

No worries. There are two more quarters left and 2 seats available with the Total Points race. Not to mention the Tournament of Champion winner (or closest runner up that doesn't win that tournament) seat.

So keep playing and practicing - and earning points.

Congratulations to the LittleRedElf on his Walk of Fame leading 29th NPP win!

As some of you may know, Faldo has started his own one man company. There are some problems with that because the CEO is a jerk and the employee is lazy. But, it had to be done.

Here are some of Faldo's ex-supervisor's comments on his past Employee Evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has hit rock bottom ....and started to dig!"
"This employee is really not so much as a has-been, but more of a never will be."
"Works well under constant supervision."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This guy has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal performance goals and then fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village of an idiot somewhere."
"This employee is striving to go far......and he should be ask to start that trip NOW."
"He doesn't have ulcers...but he is a carrier."
"He brings joy whenever he leaves a room."
"If his IQ ever reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored ....he is the other one."
"If he was any dumber, he would have to be watered twice a week."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He barely gargled."
"The wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead."

All Faldo can say to that is "Faldo refuses to work for a company that would hire his type as an employee." So there!

And thank you to our loyal readers as this site has passed 150,000 hits!

Smaloo315 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Ladies Night at NPP!

Smaloo315 is a lady from Michigan - living in Ohio - and is a poker rookie. But she bested eleven of NPP veterans this evening.

At the final table she seemed to 'change gears' and confuse her challengers. Being a little inexperienced - and therefore unpredictable - is a powerful weapon.

It also seemed to be "Ladies Night" at NPP as 3 of the top 4 spots were won by the Ladies of NPP! Girl Power!

2nd - T3chlady (and takes the overall point lead!)
3rd - Absea98
Bubble - Suetman123

Smaloo315 was the 77th player to win an NPP tournament and the 10th lady to do it.

Congratulations to Smaloo315 on her 1st NPP win - and welcome to the Walk of Fame!

Now a list of classes offered - for women - this fall at Faldo University:

Silence, The Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
The Unknown Side of Banking: Making Deposits
Why You Don't Need New Shoes Everyday
Attending Parties WITHOUT a New Outfit
Advanced Class: Wearing Clothes More Than Once
Discovering How to Do Housework When the Game is not On.
Bathroom Etiquette: His Razor is His.
Introduction to Parking
PMS: Your Problem - Not His
Sex - It's for Married Couples Too
Oil and Gas: A Car Needs Both
TV Remotes: For Men Only
Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First
Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking - It Can Be Done
Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
Communication Skills IV: How Not to Ask Stupid Questions that Force Men to Lie
Communication Skills V: Stopping the Urge to Bring up the Past
Communication Skills VI: Successful Non-Verbal Communication - Why Nudity Will Work for You

LittleRedElf Wins for the 2nd Time in 2016

LittleRedElf .....wins two!

The Elf is at it again. He is starting to get on a roll and is making the 2nd quarter seat fight interesting!

We had 16 players this Tuesday and the Elf out - maneuvered them all.

2nd - Tomservo2 (always a force at the felt)
3rd - GMOgolf - (also making a 'quiet' run)
4th - T3chlady - (also playing well)
5th - Suetman123 (back after some time off)
Bubble - Rjmech (visiting when golf allows)

See you next Tuesday and lets hope the race get even more interesting.

Congratulations to LittleRedElf on his NPP leading 28th win!

And now a true biblical story that somehow did not make the Editor's cut in the Bible:

In the beginning:

God created the donkey and told him, "You will work constantly from dusk til dawn. You will carry heavy loads on your back. You will live for 50 years."

The donkey answered, "To live that long and working that hard will just be too much. Please give me no more than 20 years Lord." And it was so.

God created the dog and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man. you will eat scraps and leftovers from his table and live for 25 years."

The dog answered, "Lord, 25 years is too much to live like that. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.

God created the monkey and told him, "You shall act like an idiot. You will act funny and make funny faces. You will live for 20 years."

The monkey answered, "Please Lord. That is not a great existence. Let it be only 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, the Lord created a man and told him, "You are a man. You are the ONLY rational thing on this planet. You will have intelligence and hold mastery over all the creatures of the Earth. You will dominate the Earth and you will live 20 years."

And the Man asked, "Lord, may I live longer than 20 years? I am the dominate creature on the planet and to only live 20 years is just to little time. May I have the years the mule, dog and monkey turned down please?" And it was so.

So God allowed the Man to live 20 years as a man.

Then he marries and lives 30 years as a mule working and carrying loads on his back.

Then he has children and lives 15 years like a dog guarding his dwelling and eating only the scraps left over from the family meal.

Then in his old age, he lives 10 years as a monkey - making faces to entertain his grandchildren and acting like a idiot.

And it is so.

Derf-63 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Another Derf-63 fan prepares to thank him for making a move in the standings.

Derf-63 returned to the winners circle, beating a field of 13 players.

If Derf gets hot - which he has a habit of doing - he could make the 2nd quarter interesting.

2nd - KingBing420
3rd - T3chlady
4th - GMOgolf
Bubble - LittleRedElf

Congratulations to Derf-63 on his 24th NPP win!

Plenty of time to be a factor in the 2nd quarter. Be here next Tuesday.

Now for more Inspirational Posters:

"TEAMWORK.....it means never having to take all the blame yourself."
"The beatings will continue until moral improves."
"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."
"A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all."
"When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break."
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."
"Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment."
"Work: It's just not for sleeping anymore."

Rjmech Wins for the First Time in 2016

Gemma Atkinson relaxes in Rjmech's NPP chair.

Everything old is new again. Rjmech shows up for the first time in 2016 and wins - as he has so often here at NPP.

Rjmech started the evening by disposing of Faldo. Somehow he survived and prospered even with these unlucky poison chips were in his stack. Nice job RJ!

2nd - GMOgolf
3rd - KingBing420
4th - LittleRedElf
5th - Smaloo315 (1st points at NPP - Congrats Smaloo!)
Bubble - Derf-63 (for the second week in a row. Ouch!)

Congratulations to Rjmech on his 20th NPP win. Welcome back RJ!

The 2nd quarter continues next week, and now that someone besides Douge2 won this quarter, we all might be able to get back in the race. But if RJ keeps showing up......maybe not.

Now here is a list of new Inspirational Posters:
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong eleven times before doing it right gives you job security."

"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing everyone who opposed them."

"We put the K in Kwality."

"If it doesn't feel good, you are not feeling the right things."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"A person who can smile when things are going wrong....was smart enough to have a scapegoat already lined up."

"If you can stay calm while there is chaos all around you .....then you just don't understand the situation."

"Plagiarism saves time."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together."

More next week.

Douge2 Wins for the 4th time in 2016 - in a row!!

Douge2 wins four - in a row. It's good to be a winner at NPP.

Douge2 is making a mockery of the 2nd quarter so far! Nice job Doug, but what are the rest of us doing?

Sorry for the delay writing, but Faldo has been waiting for PokerStars to update the standings.

It has not happened yet - as of this writing.

But Douge2's accomplishment must be noted and recorded for posterity! This was his 22nd win in NPP history and moves him up the Walk of Fame!

Nice job Douge2!

2nd - Mikeniks-Faldo
3rd - Tomservo2
4th - Wingsfancurt
5th - Derf-63
6th - Absea98

It will be tough but we can still catch him - after all there are eight rounds remaining. So see you all Tuesday to see if we can stop the Douge2 express!

Here is an excerpt from a 1950's Home Economics textbook. Faldo says this should be a required course for senior college coeds today - as today's students are four or more years behind the students of the 1950's in today's classrooms.

1. Have dinner ready when your husband gets home. And make it delicious. This is a sly way of letting him know you were thinking of him all day. A man is usually hungry when he gets home and the warm aroma of a good meal is the welcome he deserves.

2. Prpare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest before he walks in. Touch up your make up and put a ribbon in your hair.

3. Clear away clutter. Take a last minute tour of the main house and make sure things look in order. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest.

4. Prepare the children. Wash their hands and faces, comb their hair and if necessary - their clothes. He will want to hug his little treasures so have them look the part.

5. Minimize all noise. Turn off the washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Let the children know to greet their father warmly - but no yelling or horseplay.

6. Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him speak first. Once he has aired his frustrations, he will ask how your day was - then that is the signal it is your turn.

7. Make the evening his. During the work week, understand his world is a lot of strain and pressure. His home must be a place of rest during the week.

8. Have a warm or cold drink ready for him when he walks in the door.

9. Always speak in a low, soft, soothing, pleasant feminine voice to allow him to relax and unwind.

10. Some don'ts: Don't greet him with complaints and don't complain if he is late for dinner.

11. After dinner have him relax in his favorite chair or suggest he lie down on the couch. Arrange his pillow and offer to remove his shoes.

12, The goal is to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Not a bad list - a little incomplete in Faldo's opinion. But after all the author was not Faldo, so errors were unavoidable.

Douge2 Wins for the 3rd Time in 2016

Douge2 has won three, for his NPP suite.

Douge2 is on fire! Three straight wins to start the 2nd quarter. That is a great time to start a streak. Everyone is in official ...."chase" mode.

Douge2 won it after a tough battle with 2nd place finisher GMOgolf. Nice job guys.

3rd - Cigar4John
4th - Tigercub8189
5th - Absea98
Bubble - KingBing420

Only three rounds in so still time to get in there and join the herd chasing Douge2. See you next week!

Now a little humor. This week Men's English:

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
To the question, what are you thinking about? "Nothing" = Nothing
"You look great." = I wish you would dress more like a slut for me.
"Would you like to go to a movie sometime?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"You look tense. Let me rub your shoulders." = I eventually want to sleep with you.
"Let's talk." = I am trying to show you I am a deep person so you will sleep with me.
"What's wrong?" = So you don't want sex tonight?
"I love you." = I want to sleep with you tonight.
"I love you too." = There...I said it. We better have sex now.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal and immoral for you to sleep with anyone else.
"Nice dress." = Nice cleavage - or -Thanks for the up-skirt.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better longer.
"I like that one." = Whatever! Pick a dress and let's get out of this mall.

Douge2 Wins for the 2nd Time in a Row in 2016

Jessica Alba shows she has a double winner herself at the NPP pool.

Douge2 is trying to put a claim on the 2^nd quarter seat quickly. But, as we all know, that is very tough to do with this line up of poker players.

2^nd – LittleRedElf

3^rd – Johnnied55

4^th – Absea98

5^th – T3chlady

Bubble – Lump2

It is only week 2 of the second quarter. Get to NPP and join in the poker action on Tuesday night.

Congratulations to Douge2 on his 20th NPP win!

Now a lesson on the English language for the sexes. Ladies first.

Women’s English

“Yes” = Maybe

“No” = Maybe

“Maybe” = No

“I’m sorry” = You will be sorry

“We need to talk” = I need to complain and you will listen!

“Sure….go ahead.” = I don’t want you to and you BETTER NOT!

“I’m not upset”. = Of course I’m upset you insensitive moron!

“We need new curtains.” = and carpeting, and furniture and new paint colors and…

“Hang the picture here.” = or there, ….or maybe there.

“I heard a noise.” = You were almost asleep and I can’t get to sleep you insensitive moron.

“Do you love me?” = I am going to ask for something expensive or a favor for my side of the family.

“How much do you love me?” = I did something today you are not going to like.

“I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.” = I will be ready in a half hour or more.

“Is my butt fat?” = Tell me I am beautiful so I can say you are a liar and start a fight.

“You and I don’t communicate.” = You need to let me have my way all the time.

“Are you listening to me?” = You are so dead!

“I’m not YELLING!” = Of course I am yelling you moron!

Douge2 Wins for the 1st Time in 2016

Douge2 groupie wants Doug "on the rocks".

Douge2 beat a fourteen player field and takes the early lead in the 2nd quarter race for a seat in the NPP final.

Douge2 also sent along this:

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and

Waterford crystal glasses.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest came in. I said to him,

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to

confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more

inviting than it used to be."

He replied: " You moron, you're on my side."

2nd - Johnnied55

3rd - t3chlady

4th - GMOgolf

Bubble - K9isadog

The 2nd quarter just started. Get in here and enjoy some real poker action at a high level.

Rachael0388 Wins for the 1st Time! - ThePunk75 Wins the 1st Quarter!

Vanessa Rousso has nothing on Rachael0388!

Rachael0388 wins for the 1st time at NPP! Congratulations to Rachael, becoming the 76th person to win an event.

ThePunk75 finished 3rd, earning enough points to overtake Mikeniks-Faldo and win the 1st quarter! Nice job Punk!

Faldo knew six players could overtake him, but some bad luck with good cards spelled an end to Faldo this night. The Punk did what he had to do to get the job done.

2nd - Kingbing420
4th - Absea98
5th - Tomservo2
Bubbleboy - LittleRedElf

The good news is the 2nd Quarter starts next week!

So be here for the start of the next chance to win a seat in the NPP Final!