Douge2’s Humor Corner – XXXXV

Faldo…always helpful!

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young man pushing his cart.

I said to the young man, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young man says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young man says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall with extremely long legs, with blond hair, big blue eyes, well endowed, and she's wearing tight white pants, a low V neck sweater and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Well it doesn't really matter --- let's look for yours." Us old guys are helpful that way.


The Other Perspective

A guy goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness Stout on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."

The Priest says, "Get OUT! You are on my side!"


Just Twenty Dollars!

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was
going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex,
these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.